I just escaped an abuser

ScallionOk958 · 2021-01-12T06:17:59+00:00

Wow, what a roller coaster. I’m so glad that you’re out. These things can happen to us without warning. My first FDS relationship was like this. He became my anonymous stalker and used the situation to make me stay with him to protect my safety. Block him. You didn’t deserve it. He love-bombed you. Now I check in with my therapist every week about the health of my relationships. Wishing you the best. Pm me if you ever need to talk.

swatir24 · 2021-01-12T07:10:03+00:00

Don't feel guilty because a lot of us smart women have made the same mistake of falling for a narcissistic abuser. You were being manipulated and lied to, and you had the wherewithal to escape as soon as you possibly could. Well done!

whiterabbit818 · 2021-01-12T06:18:41+00:00

I’m so sorry. I’m glad you’re safe. You Absolutely did NOT deserve that

Fun_Sherbet · 2021-01-12T06:34:57+00:00

Oh hun I'm glad you are safe. Thank you for sharing. You most definitely did not deserve this. There are many of us that can attest how manipulative love bombing is. Hope you are pampering yourself with great care ❤️

SeaNegotiation8 · 2021-01-12T07:19:49+00:00

Wow, I’m so glad he showed his true colors so early on in the relationship. What a psychopath!

I’m also glad your mother overheard his abuse, so she can testify to his abusive nature if she needed to. This guy sounds unhinged, deeply misogynistic, and possibly dangerous.

Also, have you heard back from your doctor about the lump in your breast? Was it just a false alarm?

londochig · 2021-01-12T10:16:35+00:00

Omg I'm so sorry you had to go through this. You absolutely did not deserve this. I went through a similar abusive situation last year. Unfortunately for me it escalated into physical abuse and blackmail when I was trying to leave. I'm glad you got out, so proud of you for doing that. It's incredibly hard to do with an abuser who parades as a HVM, lovebombs you, makes you feel special and once they get you to fall for them, they do a 180. The intermittent good and bad treatment that came after the mask fell off always left me confused and anxious. It must have been an absolute mind fuck when someone treated you well and then started to abuse you after a couple of months of love bombing. I can deeply sympathize with your situation. My abuser would also use my past against me. He slut shamed me despite the fact that I had only dated two people before him. He used my past against me and always brought it up during fights. I suppose a lesson here for both of us is to never let men know about your past. Even HVM don't need to know everything. You're better off telling a therapist or a trusted female friend/ family member who will help you learn and grow from your experiences. Therapists and trusted women in your life will never use your past against you. Men WILL at some point use your past against you. I now keep my past brief with men and just tell them that my past relationships didn't work out because we wanted different things/ were not compatible. I stopped sharing with men the trauma that I went through, I stopped telling them about the abuse I endured or the shitty low value behaviour of men before them. I don't tell them about my past mistakes either. It's better to let them think you've been treated well in the past and that reinforces the expectation of good behaviour from them as well. I find that HVM usually accept my brief, short details about my past and don't push for more when I tell them that I don't dwell on past relationships. It's insecure men who will gaslight and manipulate you into telling them everything so that they have the leverage of using it against you. Women are socialized and gaslit into thinking that we should share all of our past with our partner. This is form of control by NVM. I strongly urge not to share your past with men. Not even HVM. I guarantee you that men have no empathy for your trauma and no regard for your growth. Some men even fetishize women's trauma (daddy issues). Over-sharing with men, even male friends is just an opportunity to let them manipulate you.

iamwildflowers · 2021-01-12T08:29:34+00:00

Jesus, he sounded like a complete nut job! I'm soo glad you are out of there and safe 🙏💕

futuristicallyangry · 2021-01-12T10:58:39+00:00

I'm so so sorry that you had to go through so much trauma. You did not deserve this, none of this is your fault whatsoever. He is a disgusting man and I hope he lands in jail. I'm proud of you for blocking him, Queen 👑❤️ Stay safe!

Title	I just escaped an abuser
Author	un_dau
Upvotes	89
Comments	9
Date	January 11, 2021 8:18 PM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/kvb2ec/i_just_escaped_an_abuser/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/i-just-escaped-an-abuser.769382 https://theredarchive.com/post/769382

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