I miss my toxic ex.

jewdy09 · 2020-01-31T03:56:37+00:00

Stop dating and focus on yourself. You aren’t ready.

gursky0 · 2020-01-31T04:02:17+00:00

Who he was when you met, wasn't him. It was a facade to pull you in. He has since shown you who really is and what he's capable of. That person, the real him, is not worth being with.

Something that has helped me get over someone is making a list of all their major flaws - think about the things he did, what do they say about him? Write it down. And read it. Is that the kind of person you want to be with? Probably not, I know you deserve better and I hope you know it too.

Edit: I agree with the other poster that you aren't ready to be dating yet. I started dating soon after a recent breakup and immediately after leaving a first date, I sat in my car and cried. I was so not ready. I deleted the apps and decided to take the next several months to focus on myself and my healing. I've made so much progress and it feels so liberating to be single - and happy - and not worrying about a man.

s_slayer · 2020-01-31T05:08:52+00:00

I missed every one of my toxic exes, but believe me when I say there will come a time you will not miss them really at all. You’ll just be regretting the time and energy you wasted on them. I know it’s painful as hell when you’re in the emotional thick of things with them, and sometimes it takes several reunions and break ups to finally wake up and say “I’ve had enough”. You have to handle it in your own way but don’t waste too much of your time because you know in your heart what’s ahead if you do. Don’t date either, I agree with the others. I tried this after a painful breakup and met several very low value men, so then not only was I still sad about my ex, I’d started to sort of have feelings for two guys I dated (not at the same time), and it was a low blow to my already hurting self esteem. Just take time to heal and just enjoy the little things in life. Men really are not all that.

persephones_torch · 2020-01-31T03:58:28+00:00

Know that this is temporary and missing him is part of your healing process. If you go back to him it will be a cycle of toxicity, you will regret the time you wasted knowing how he really is. Just take your time, be kind to yourself and recognize that missing him is normal. However everytime you are reminscing dangerously about the good times, you need to remind yourself of why you broke it off. I suggest writing things down, every little thing he did or said that made you lose respect for him and yourself. That made you feel less. And read that when you arw tempted to reach out and when you're reminiscing. Our brains have a way of forgetting the bad parts of an experience... and just looking back at the good.

In the meantime, make yourself busy with friends, with hobbies, with family, with personal development. All of your feelings right now are focused on the loss and the pain, but these feelings will pass as time goes by. You are loved by so many other people, people who know to appreciate you. Spend time with them. Discover other avenues of love and yourself that this man has made you forget.

Remember that romantic love is only one aspect of our rich lives and there are so many good things waiting to happen to us.

Nearby-Armadillo · 2020-01-31T04:16:10+00:00

If you haven't looked into it already, do some research on trauma bonding. It's not unusual to become extremely emotionally attached to someone who causes us great pain. Your body can get used to the chemicals released by the ups and downs so that normal, healthy relationships seem gray and dreary in comparison. What you're going through is not unusual for crazy stressful toxic relationships. Read up on this and possibly talk to a good therapist or counselor.

2020-01-31T04:16:14+00:00

Girl, I’ve been there. It freaking sucks. But that “amazing” man he was at the beginning is not him. His true colors came out when things got a little complicated on his end. A person with integrity would not have handled the situation the way he did. You love the idea of him but not his actual self. His actual self is trash. You’ll see the night and day difference one you date someone that’s actually amazing.

Firefly10886 · 2020-01-31T05:57:37+00:00

You still need to detox your ex, like a poison he’s very much still in your system. He’s feeding your demons. And this is preventing you from seeing what’s in front of you or where your opportunities lie. I’m going through something similar, trying to release my ex and not compare guys I’m dating to him.

curlygirl507 · 2020-01-31T05:23:29+00:00

He has a lot of problems. Stay away. Pretend dating isn't a thing and focus on literally anything else that interests you. Btw, I miss my toxic ex too so I understand.

sosmartsocrazy · 2020-01-31T05:57:14+00:00

Making a list is a great idea, and in the future, do it immediately, while you're hurting the most. Write down not only these awful things, but be very honest with yourself about how they make you feel and get that on paper as well. Sometimes we start to forget the bad parts and idolize the good parts, but we must not forget those feelings.

Also, completely remove reminders of him from your life as much as possible. The only thing that will heal is time, and eliminating things that make you think of him will help you return to normalcy with far fewer bumps along the way.

Definitely take a break from dating. Online dating is pretty terrible already, and having one bad date after another is pretty disheartening. Instead, use that time to try something new or do stunting you've always wanted, like a cooking class, or learning a new language. You'll fill your time with something productive, become an even more interesting person, and gain confidence in the process, plus you may make new friends.

Title	I miss my toxic ex.
Author	wanderluster369
Upvotes	11
Comments	12
Date	January 31, 2020 3:39 AM UTC (6 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/ewi6o4/i_miss_my_toxic_ex/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/i-miss-my-toxic-ex.723227 https://theredarchive.com/post/723227

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