Despite my best efforts to focus on myself and persevere in these trying times, most of my exes, former dates, and various other men who've wronged me in the past have been living rent-free in my head for years. I knew that. I've known it for years. But I was hoping I could power through and come out a stronger, happier person in spite of all of them. But it hurt to block and delete as though they never existed.

I didn't want to see any of their faces again, including the moments spent looking up all of their social accounts so I could hit the Block button. I didn't want a single scrap of information about what they were up to or who they were with. I put it off for years, not wanting to deal with the discomfort of acknowledging they still exist in the same world that I do. I feel like crying and I'm going to have a drink after this, but I finally did it.

I had a box full of a creepy LV date's stuff sitting in my closet, and I was worried about how I was going to give it back without having to interact with him. Ladies, you helped me take the damn box downstairs to the communal garbage and let it go.

I thought changing my number would be enough, and I whined about the fact that it wasn't in AskFDS. This guy I stopped seeing months ago keeps messaging me for "the stuff" (and also my attention), my ex from four years ago frequents my profile on LinkedIn, my other ex's best friend still follows me on Facebook, woe is me...all of these small, lingering presences in my headspace matter. A lot.

Also, your advice hurt my feelings, a little. 😅

But I think that's a good thing. I made a list of all the guys I've been obsessing over quietly in my head — all of my exes, the weird m'fers who live in my DMs, my estranged dad, tons of 'em. Then I pulled up all of my platforms and commenced to blocking. It took the better part of an hour, and I panicked through a lot of it because I have PTSD and am unreasonably terrified of upsetting them, giving them some reason to come find me. (Which is illogical, at best; they clearly already know how to get to me and could harass me anytime, if they wanted. So why not block and remove that stress?)

Then I went in my phone and blocked each one, deleted any texts we exchanged, and cried for a minute or two. Just a minute or two. All this to say that ultimately, though this was honestly pretty fucking rough and rekindled a lot of trauma...I feel like a weight's been lifted.

They're not gone, of course. But they're out of my hair for the foreseeable future. I'm no longer in contact with these men in any way whatsoever. They don't have my number, nor my address. They are blocked and deleted. I can move on with my life. As I've been doing this for years, I might still torture myself with memories from time to time, but I'll have no longer have any reason to believe they're lurking in the shadows. This has been incredibly helpful.

If you're anything like me, holding on to years or decades of grief like some sort of totem, maybe it'll help you, too.