It has taken me about a month to process all of this and I think I’m now ready to tell this story. I’m not sure how long it will be but I truly hope it will help someone. Please read if you are debating or having a hard time leaving someone who is abusing you. TL DR at bottom.

TW: animal abuse

About 7 years ago I was a victim of SA. Setting that aside for now I was not in a good place emotionally and that lead me to being the perfect victim for David (not his real name). I was a year past my SA and doing therapy but I was still a mess and I blamed myself for what happed. I was in AA trying to get my drinking under control when I met Ian (I’m not sober now but I now longer drink just to cope).

Ian was a great guy and me and other friends I had made in AA got in to a lot of sober shenanigans. This eventually lead me to meeting Ian’s wider friend group, which is where I met David. He was amazing. I was reluctant to get in to any relationship at this time but he love bombed the ever living crap out of me.

He beyond spoiled me. We went to fancy dinners never letting me pay. Picked up flowers for me and would drop them off at my apartment so I would get them when I got home from work. All the while I’m dragging my feet on any form of a relationship because I knew I wasn’t ready. He kept going though he became one of my closest friends and confidant and after 6 months I gave in.

The trouble didn’t start right away. It was slow and gradual. He had trust issues. Certain male friends of mine he would “get a bad vibe from” and with my history I would believe him and cut them out of my life. He was only trying to protect me right? What I didn’t understand then was that these were the first steps to isolating me. The first few steps of him gaining total control over my life. Little asks now, baby steps from the big steps he would need later.

Eventually it became that even my female friends were bad influences and I needed to cut them out too. We moved in together we were both in the military and military tends to move fast in relationships plus I didn’t really have any friend besides his at this time so most of my time was spent at his place.

I won’t get in to many of the other details, but I did soon after leave the military due to my PTSD, it eventually got to the point that my paychecks were being deposited in to his account that I didn’t have access to. I didn’t have to code to the front door that would automatically lock. He would drive me and pick me up from work. He had apps on my phone that monitored every phone call every text message and every web page I visited.

I felt like I was constantly walking on eggshells trying to avoid his rages. I had access to computers at work and these he couldn’t monitor I started to realize through looking up ways on that computer to get things back to the way they were in the beginning (that love bombing hit me hard) that I was in a severely abusive relationship. I knew I had to leave but I had no one outside of his friend group. I wasn’t even on speaking terms with my mom because of him.

I decided that my first step was to get a new phone on my own. I left two hours early from work one day for a “doctors appointment” and left my phone there so that he couldn’t track my location. I walked 30 minutes to the att store got what ever I could that was free. I had a small amount of money that I had stashed away from him and used that to pay the taxes. I walked back and waited for him to pick me up with that phone turned off and hidden in my clothes.

It was hard and scary because of how severely damaged my relationship with my mom had become. The next day at work on my lunch break I called her and I broke down crying and told her everything. I apologized more and more but she didn’t care. She knew what was happening and the reason why we didn’t talk and she was ready to get me out of there. Through text over the next week she wired me money and we made a plan. I had a lock smith make me a new key from my car (99 jeep Cherokee thank the lord no electronic chip) and slowly started packing stuff up in Tupperware boxes under the guise of organizing.

I was going to leave in a week when he would be gone for 4 days on a training trip for the Navy. This however never happened. I was trying to be as careful not to set him off as I could I just needed to survive for a little bit longer. He picked a fight with me. A guy had walked past our house 3-4 times that morning and he had seen him on the cameras and demanded to know why he was there. I of course had no clue.

The fight came to a head when he took a frying pan and chucked it at my dog and hit him. I think he realized in that moment he had fucked up because something in me broke. I went of with a rage he had never seen before throwing things and breaking things. Screaming like a banshee. We had had the cops called on us for domestics a few time already and I always waved them off because I didn’t want “to hurt his career.” I don’t think he wanted them called again so he left to “let me cool off.”

He could abuse me all he wanted but I refused to let him do that to my dog. I packed up everything else I needed in a frenzy. I saw he was at a bar on the phone and I knew I had at least an hour maybe two. I couldn’t use the front door or he would get a notification and I couldn’t use the downstairs windows because of the cameras. I shoved every thing out of a second story window that slid on to the roof. I lowered everything down including my very grumpy dog before jumping off myself. I knew the second I started putting stuff in my car he would be alerted by the motion sensors and I had at the most fifteen minutes to get everything in the and to get out. I called my mom she stayed on the phone with me the entire time while I threw everything in the car.

Immediately I started to get calls from him and text messages. I just kept going. As soon as everything was packed I chucked the phone he tracked on to the lawn and speed (as fast as keep Cherokee goes) away. I made it from Virginia to California in 52 hours. I was lucky. His next girlfriend wasn’t.

After a few months of living with my mom and starting the recovery process of everything I went through I got the itch to snoop. I know it was horrible choice but I saw right away he had a new girlfriend on Facebook. I debated warning her. I called my therapist. She told me I needed to.

I messaged he all the signs to watch out for and I told her my entire story. She told me I was a dumb stupid stalker bitch and that he was never going to get back with me after what I did to him and that I need to allow them to be happy and stop trying to ruin all of his relationships.

I just responded “no mater what happens and you need help I will be here. Just find a way to reach out and I will help you”

She blocked me after that.

I put it all out of my mind until about 5 months ago when she reached out. They were married she was pregnant and she was ready to leave. I was the only person she thought would still help her.

I tried my best giving her resources coming up with plans. She tried to leave 6 times but changed her mind every time. I stopped hearing from her. I tried to reach out but found I was blocked again.

I found out a month ago when she called that he had attempted to murder her. She was in the hospital and scared and alone the police still hadn’t found him. She lost the baby and was just a broken shell of a person. I stayed on the phone with her for 5 hours. I haven’t spoken to her since but I hope she is doing well.

Don’t wait to leave until it’s to late. Get out now.

TLDR: was in an abusive relationship for years. I escaped but the next girl wasn’t so lucky. He attempted to murder her and she lost her baby.