A couple of years ago I was recently divorced and traumatized thanks to a NVM. (The audacity of some scrotes!) however, I'm here yo give y'all hope! Months ago I matched with someone and so far so good.

He:

  • Initiated the conversation in a thoughtful way
  • Asked me on an actual date
  • Took me to a nice restaurant
  • Asked me if he could hold my hand at the end of the date

After the first date:

  • He pays for everything when he takes me on dates and never asks to split the bill
  • Planned a virtual date (we're currently in different states) and ordered me food from Grubhub so we could have "dinner"
  • Three dates in he said he wanted to be exclusive
  • A month and a half in asked me to be his girlfriend
  • Has always made me feel secure. (Texts regularly, calls frequently, plans when to see each other)
  • Gets me flowers every time we see each other because he knows I like them

I'm trying my hardest to be a HVQueen. I've spotted some potential red flags, but his reaction to me testing them have been HV.

  • When I state my views on porn/sex work he listens.
  • He is not porn sick (in the beginning he mentioned he occasionally watched it but has stopped since because he knows I think it's unethical).
  • He only has Instagram and doesn't follow sex workers on there

Random Green Flags:

  • Loves his mom
  • Is very romantic and caring
  • I only waited two months before having sex (I know, I know...) BUT IT WAS AMAZING. He was tender, caring, passionate. At the first sign of discomfort on my end (his penis is big) he stopped without me having to say anything. It's the best sex I've had hands down and it's how I know he's not porn sick.
  • Does not shittalk his ex
  • Said he had some baggage but that he has a strong support system and is going to therapy (meaning that he doesn't expect me to be his girlfriend/therapist!)
  • Introduced me to his friends
  • Is tall and has a good career
  • Big and girthy dick
  • Tells me I'm beautiful and makes me feel special/cared for

I'm learning to let go of my fear of men and dating. So far he's been great. I think me implementing FDS strategies, helped me cautiously accept his advances and I have been pleasantly surprised. I'll check in with y'all in a couple of months.

What helped me the most here was:

  • Reading the handbook
  • Writing down my standards, expectations
  • Learning about boundaries and codependency
  • Listening to podcasts and reading suggested books (Why Men Love Bitches?, Lundy Bancroft, F*ck Love, etc.)
  • Queen Shit Tik Toks!

FDS helped me realize I am worthy of love and respect just as I am: a beautiful, smart, funny, hardworking, slightly overweight lol, divorced parent. I won't settle for less than I deserve, but I won't let my past dictate my future. I'm taking charge of my healing, leveling up and taking chances!