Input please (details below)

souredskittles · 2021-02-23T09:45:36+00:00

Don’t be fazed just because he’s hot OP. The messages are so creepy. Be honest, you’d never second guess this if he wasn’t hot.

EffectiveHoneydew422 · 2021-02-23T13:24:58+00:00

My perspective on the "spot the red flags game"

🚩yoga instructor

🚩uses tinder

🚩"good morning" text (its a trope now)

🚩"ive always had a crush in you" (ie you have been a back up option while he filed through his options

🚩cringe af compliment sounds like cheesy romance novel

🚩after said dose of what WAS precisely "sickening flattery" negates by saying "that is wasn't " (dude its a text message dont act like the compliment just fell out of your mouth, you carefully clicked each letter and re - read and hit send)

🚩"thinking of you" - translation- fapped to you.

You are so much better than this cringebag xx

understatedalways · 2021-02-23T09:19:04+00:00

Honestly, he is waving red flags left and right. He didn’t listen to you AT ALL even though he was sitting there smiling the entire time. That means he was completely zoned out. Then only commenting on your appearance and (even though you never agreed to it) trying to gaslight you into meeting Thursday by pretending you had a date set up?

I’d run. He sounds like a stereotypical LVM or maybe even worse. Any guy I’ve met who pulled that type of shit turned out to be abusive. I wouldn’t even respond frankly. I’d block and delete.

If you HAVE to, just say, “We never made plans and I’m busy Thursday.” Remember, just because a guy is hot doesn’t make him high value.

janetheautomaton · 2021-02-23T09:39:30+00:00

You're overthinking this.

First, I can tell you're overinvesting in Yogi Bear because (1) of all the mental real estate you've already given him based on next to nothing and (2) how you're overanalyzing his every move or lack thereof. From what I've read, he's some guy you always thought was hot and whom you met for breakfast one time. Why is anything that he's doing shocking and confusing you? Why is a text from him enough to rock your world*?

Second, you are already thirsty af and it is loud and clear. You are, in fact, so thirsty that you're getting ready to explain to him exactly what he needs to do if he wants to hit it.

At this point, I’m considering whether I communicate that no time/place set in advance = no date, or simply that I don’t think we’ll be a good fit.

But don't think I'm beating up on you or anything, because I FEEL YOU, SIS. I HAVE BEEN THERE. I TOO HAVE BEEN SO THIRSTY. I have been in your position, I have had those thoughts, and I have proceeded to make all the bad decisions.

So here's what you do.

Accept that he is an LVM. This is easy to do because you have an example of slightly-less-LVM behavior right in front of you, in the form of Radio Star (Guy #2).
Try to disconnect emotionally. I know, I know, he's sooo hot, but you've gone five years without that dick and I'm confident you can go another five.
Don't explain shit. Who gives a fuck what he thinks or wants? Keep talking to him if you must, but DO NOT (1) propose dates, (2) hint at activities/events you'd like to make happen, (3) compliment him, ever again, (4) share important details about your life without it being specifically asked for, and then only in the way you'd talk to a casual friend, and (5) however available you've been so far, be at least two times less available going forward.

There are two likely outcomes and one very unlikely outcome.

He fades/ghosts. Congratulations, it's a Typical Man!
He realizes he's losing you and he asks you on another low effort date in an attempt to secure the smash. He still doesn't know what a proposal meeting is. Congratulations, it's a Typical Man!
He pulls his head out of his ass, realizes he's about to fuck up a good thing, and asks you out on a real date and starts putting real effort into your communication. Unfortunately, this can be difficult to tell apart from Option 2 and, judging by the "piercing blue eyes" compliment and the fact that his professional life revolves around yoga, this man is not a friend to either originality or commitment.

The point of this exercise is not to maneuver him into dating you. It is to show you what he is. You say you think he might be LVM (I'm paraphrasing), or at least uninterested in anything but banging as long as it's not too time-consuming or difficult, but the fact that you're on here asking for input tells me that you're still hoping he's not. Okay, then here's how to see what he is without sleeping with him. If you must.

^\It's because he's hot.)

Zeniite · 2021-02-23T09:02:47+00:00

So this is an exchange between myself and a guy that I’ve been talking to for a few weeks. I’ve known him for 5 years, but he saw me on tinder and reached out to let me know he had always had a crush on me. He’s mega attractive, but once I noticed the butterflies in my stomach, I pumped the brakes on meeting too soon because I didn’t want to be driven by lust and miss red flags. He happens to be a yoga/personal trainer/yoga therapist btw. He’s a very gorgeous man.

Anyway, we met up for breakfast on Thursday and I felt full force butterflies with the way he was smiling at me the entire time - it was that kind of smile that you see in cartoons where the schoolboy is so enamored by the girl, but because guys have done that before as part of their love bombing, I took note. Looking back, I was like “huh, I did most of the talking...” While at breakfast, I told him for the second time that I had 2 huge milestones coming up: a dissertation proposal meeting and Match Day (where clinical psychology students across the country learn if they’ve matched with an internship site for this coming year). I told him my proposal meeting was a few hours after our date. That night, I had a video call with a guy #2 and that went super well. The following morning, guy #2 messaged me wishing me good luck with the match. Guy #1 hasn’t followed up about either of the milestones I mentioned though and I felt he was putting no effort into actually trying to get to know me. Then the following day, he sends the whole piercing blues eyes comment and I’m immediately thinking, “yep, he only wants sex”. He sent me the text about Thursday last night when I was already asleep and I am shocked and confused how he thought we had plans. When we had breakfast, he asked when he could see me again and I told him the days that I’m free. But he didn’t try to set a time or a place, so I was under zero impression that we actually had plans, and that combined with the sleaziness about my “piercing blue eyes” and “I was thinking” about you without actually asking me how I was doing makes me reallllly annoyed. I had already decided Friday morning when guy #2 wished me luck that guy #1 doesn’t really put in enough effort for me to feel that he really cares about me and that I would end up feeling thirsty for emotional intimacy if I continued to see him or talk to him. At this point, I’m considering whether I communicate that no time/place set in advance = no date, or simply that I don’t think we’ll be a good fit. Either way, I love hearing you ladies give input and share your stories :)

Note: I’m not set on guy #2 either, but I know that if I get into a relationship, one of my bare minimum needs is that he cares about how I’m doing and any milestones I’m going through.

UnstrirringCoffee · 2021-02-23T09:39:23+00:00

I think you are right about guy #1. He puts in no effort and doesn't bother to remember what's important to you.

I'd say proceed with the second guy for the time being. Developing attachment to someone should be slow.

luvmyvulvaxoxo · 2021-02-23T12:22:57+00:00

This is the type of post that needs to be posted in the sister sub, askfds

Title	Input please (details below)
Author	Zeniite
Upvotes	46
Comments	13
Date	February 23, 2021 8:48 AM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/lqdpw3/input_please_details_below/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/input-please-details-below.747908 https://theredarchive.com/post/747908

Comments