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owlwriteapoem
[–]TorchloverFDS Newbie48 points49 points50 points 6 years ago (4 children) | Copy Link
Don’t tolerate a momma’s boy who just acts like he has his shit together just because he wants you. Never again💅🏾.
[–]Pixie_WaifuFDS Newbie12 points13 points14 points 6 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
Are you me? Because I am going through this...
[–]TorchloverFDS Newbie16 points17 points18 points 6 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
If you are someone who is following their dreams and on your shit, leave. He will become intimidated and look for something on his level. As that’s what they say.
[–]Pixie_WaifuFDS Newbie9 points10 points11 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
He knows I'm intimidating because he knows I can leave and find a guy who's "better" than him (he tells me all the time. I can't tell if it's insecurity on his part or trying to manipulate my guilt?) He likes the idea of me being successful.
But then again that could be the "mommy" part. He could like the idea of staying home and play videogames all day while I take care of... Well... Everything else. Damn... How did I not see it...?
[–]outside-perceptionFDS Newbie5 points6 points7 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
It is always a false bill of goods, too.
[–]FurryBellyButt0nFDS Disciple31 points32 points33 points 6 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
The second they start shaming you for standards, boundaries, and questioning you for expecting basic human decency within your relationship TRUST that it's a TOXIC dynamic and do no second guess your gut. They are getting insecure and projecting that onto you because they know YOU DESERVE BETTER but they will NEG you so you personalize their TOXIC SHITTY TREATMENT to downplay their behavior and avoid accountability until they decide to do it to another women that does not hurt their LV/NV ego.
Believe FDS. Listen to FDS. If you can avoid the learning moment, be empowered to walk away if any of this resonates with you.
I have learned boundaries and important lessons from toxic relationships, but I would not wish the emotional pain and up-leveling process onto anyone. It's hard work and it's worth it on the other side, but we need to stop believing each of us are the exception rather than the rule with men. It is how they keep power.
[–]BovvsetteFDS Disciple12 points13 points14 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
This is a sacred text.
Also never tell men how you learned those lessons. Usually they don't pry into your past with good intentions. They think that the boundaries you had as a naive adolescent pickmeisha will apply forever and is a limit they can push that you're willing to tolerate, and not a learning experience that made you grow and realize to never do that again. For example: ”You let that man stab you, so I can stab you too otherwise you're a hypocrite because you endured stabbing before!”. Nah, sis. Always put your fences high and well-being first. And if he doesn't respect that and feels entitled to abuse you, throw him in the trash where he belongs.
[–]frodosdojoFDS Newbie15 points16 points17 points 6 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Happy Cake Day ! My lessons were hard learned and I experienced pain and trauma. The end result is that even though I am over 50, I still have plenty of life left to ENJOY and feel grateful for. I can do what I want when I want. And I can take care of myself. Honestly, I never knew what boundaries were until I got counseling after the separation a few years ago but as Iyanla says - "Boundaries will save your life !"
[–]owlwriteapoemFDS Newbie[S] 4 points5 points6 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Amen sister!
[–]MitcheliaFDS Newbie42 points43 points44 points 6 years ago (7 children) | Copy Link
Slight tech twist.... My relationship and my ex’s complete lack of compassion has taught me more about what it is to be human. I design robot interactions. I think sometime in the future I will be able to leverage the learnings from him with the depth at which I have now started to think of emotions, behaviours, motivations at a process level to design better robot programming, make the world a better place and hopefully make a very successful career.
[–]CaliforniaKedFDS Newbie24 points25 points26 points 6 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
You’re amazing! Could you build a HVM? If so, I might consider dating again.
[–]throwawaytck1001FDS Newbie4 points5 points6 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Sign me up :D
[–]BovvsetteFDS Disciple2 points3 points4 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Since scrotes always fail to scare us with replacing us with sex dolls (as if a man who would do that was a catch to be missed 😂 ), why not build our own high value robot husbands? That are more empathetic and emotionally available than the modern scrotes. Seems like an easy standard to pass. There will always be a market for high effort, respectful, discreet, consistently pleasurable men.
[–]PooPooMeeksFDS Newbie9 points10 points11 points 6 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
Wow, you’re career sounds amazing! I’m a computer programmer myself. There’s an ongoing trend of women with great careers and “mega mind potential” being magnets for stray LVM’s. Happened to me twice over a 20 year span and I’m still recovering. It’s really sad, and I can’t wrap my head around why this happens a lot. That said, I really admire you turning this around into something positive for your ongoing success! Virtual hugs your way 🤗🤗🤗
[–]MitcheliaFDS Newbie1 point2 points3 points 6 years ago* (2 children) | Copy Link
Lessons everywhere, may as well extract whatever value I can from the situation. This guy seemed to really like my mind, but at the same time I think he couldn’t let go of the idea of him being the breadwinner, and needing to have 4-5 kids. I would’ve thought if he really needed that many kids he should stay home with them while I bring in the $$ or we build some kind of empire together.
I really didn’t expect to find myself with a man who thinks of himself as HV but really feels LV and claims to believe that he was my desperate last chance at a family with a “good man” due to my age. Lucky I found out now that he isn’t actually the magical guy I thought I was waiting my whole life to find.
[–]PooPooMeeksFDS Newbie1 point2 points3 points 6 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Sorry, late reply...the breadwinner ideology is only good if it's not mixed with narcissistic qualities, which is often NOT the case. One pastor had said to never trust the whole "Hey, I'll pay for everything, you just take care of the house and be my wife." He said that unless your man is a diamond in the rough, this is normally the "prison" trap men use to lure and control women. That's a damn shame because this was how it always was back in the day, but I know our fellow sisters had major problems with their "breadwinner men" then too. :(
Geez, he actually believed that he was your last desperate chance? What a total jerk! He couldn't handle a beauty like you, brains and beauty brawn! Tried to belittle you because HE was SO DESPERATE to keep you! Kept a grandoise personality because of all the years he was bullied in elementary through high school. It sucks because most men have issues that are so deep that, whether intelligent or damn near "slow", they will show via their ugliness with you. I've only dated men beneath my intelligence. Trust me, it was not on purpose but ended up that way because of my low self esteem. And even though they were not smarter than me, they still managed to fool me because of my lack of social intelligence and assertiveness. (sigh) I'm 39 and *still learning... *
In my field of work, I've seen male engineers that have those odd social quirks, and it often reflects on their relationships and marriages as well. One IT guy at Disney had a wife that actually took their kids and ran away from him. We always saw the guy as cool and relaxed, but he did have his "quirks" which obviously affected his home life too. Another guy lived and breathed programming, and his wife divorced him at a very young age, within 2 years of me knowing him.
At this point I need to work on myself to NOT get in another situation like I've been at, I can't handle another pompous idiot, whether his IQ is lower than dirt or above the scales.
[–]MitcheliaFDS Newbie0 points1 point2 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I can barely even comprehend the embellished and twisted stories he has told about me and ending our relationship. I came across a lot of unexpected comments when I was trying to find others with similar health related result numbers to myself. Not sure why he felt he had to include an actual test result number skewed out of context to support his rationale for leaving me in such forums as waatgm, mgtow or political compass memes? Surely it would’ve gained another validating upvote if he had just exaggerated the issue by another digit while at the same time deidentifying the content so it wouldn’t show in a search of my own result numbers? I really wish I’d started using Reddit as a source of information and support while we were dating, I would’ve encountered the comments documenting what he was actually thinking and been able to recognize that he wasn’t who he appeared to be and I should bail ASAP.
Its been very painful to learn what a narcissistic discard is, but every day I wake up feeling relieved that I dodged that bullet and am now empowered with new knowledge.
I’m now well aware that I need to keep searching for someone who not only meets my general intelligence but also my emotional intelligence. A similar age to you, I can relate - it’s really important that we step back to work on ourselves and have confidence in our standards and deal breakers.
[–]OrchidLionFDS Newbie7 points8 points9 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Don't ever think a man is "good on the inside". Some people really have no empathy. Some people ARE monsters.
Listen to your feelings. If you feel bad after you talk to him or see him, cut him off.
And DONT TRY TO CHANGE ANYONE BY COMMUNICATING REPEATEDLY. You communicate your standards ONCE. AND IF HE DISOBEYS, DISPOSE OF HIM.
[–]bqluoeoednFDS Newbie5 points6 points7 points 6 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Yes & Happy cake day!
Thank you! 😊
[–]iHebaFDS Newbie3 points4 points5 points 6 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Happy cake day 💗
[–]owlwriteapoemFDS Newbie[S] 1 point2 points3 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Thank you! 🙃
[–]breadandbunnyFDS Newbie2 points3 points4 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I need to be with somebody who TALKS. If you have a problem with something, just fucking TALK. SAY IT. Don't blow up out of control at me.
[–]LylaethFDS Newbie2 points3 points4 points 6 years ago* (2 children) | Copy Link
If only I learned the first time lol. She’s right, I gotta put myself first. No more expensive gifts, trips, or favors. In the end I got left with less than when I met them, and I was called toxic
Happy Cake Day!
[–]owlwriteapoemFDS Newbie[S] 2 points3 points4 points 6 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Classic toxic behavior, unfortunately. We learn and we grow - I am proud of you! Thank you!
[–]LylaethFDS Newbie1 point2 points3 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Proud of you too girly! ❤️
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[–]TorchloverFDS Newbie48 points49 points50 points (4 children) | Copy Link
[–]Pixie_WaifuFDS Newbie12 points13 points14 points (2 children) | Copy Link
[–]TorchloverFDS Newbie16 points17 points18 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]Pixie_WaifuFDS Newbie9 points10 points11 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]outside-perceptionFDS Newbie5 points6 points7 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]FurryBellyButt0nFDS Disciple31 points32 points33 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]BovvsetteFDS Disciple12 points13 points14 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]frodosdojoFDS Newbie15 points16 points17 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]owlwriteapoemFDS Newbie[S] 4 points5 points6 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]MitcheliaFDS Newbie42 points43 points44 points (7 children) | Copy Link
[–]CaliforniaKedFDS Newbie24 points25 points26 points (2 children) | Copy Link
[–]throwawaytck1001FDS Newbie4 points5 points6 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]BovvsetteFDS Disciple2 points3 points4 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]PooPooMeeksFDS Newbie9 points10 points11 points (3 children) | Copy Link
[–]MitcheliaFDS Newbie1 point2 points3 points (2 children) | Copy Link
[–]PooPooMeeksFDS Newbie1 point2 points3 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]MitcheliaFDS Newbie0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]OrchidLionFDS Newbie7 points8 points9 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]bqluoeoednFDS Newbie5 points6 points7 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]owlwriteapoemFDS Newbie[S] 4 points5 points6 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]iHebaFDS Newbie3 points4 points5 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]owlwriteapoemFDS Newbie[S] 1 point2 points3 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]breadandbunnyFDS Newbie2 points3 points4 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]LylaethFDS Newbie2 points3 points4 points (2 children) | Copy Link
[–]owlwriteapoemFDS Newbie[S] 2 points3 points4 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]LylaethFDS Newbie1 point2 points3 points (0 children) | Copy Link