Throwaway account for obvious reasons. (Sorry if this isn’t the right flair I’m not really sure as I haven’t used Reddit much)

Ive been lurking on here for the past year and well I think my brain needs serious rewiring.

I’ll be 25 this coming April and I’ve never been more afraid for a birthday in my entire life.

I’m single, no kids and wanting to work on my goals and dreams I have in life but the people around me (mostly my mother) are judging me for that especially from the kind of background I’m from.

She says I am going to ruin my life if I don’t get married or have kids soon, getting married and having kids is honestly something I want but I don’t even have a boyfriend and I would want my own child but not until around 34 but my mother keeps saying that no one will want me when I’m 30 and it will be too late to have kids. That society will judge me harshly. She said I should have just found someone at 22 and became a housewife like her.

I come from rich Christian family who are very much set in their ways and have very old fashioned ways of thinking (I’ll not get into detail) but I’m surrounded by a lot of ‘chads’ and trump supporters and that may give you an idea. All the women in my family honestly look miserable now that I think about, my father...well he’s not much of one and I’ve never even seen my mother and father kiss. I am the only one who is 25 single without kids and wanting to take a different path in life and my whole family seem to think I’ve ruined my entire life. (Christmas time is hell for me)

Around 21 I became a lot more independent and got out in the world on my own a lot more and my views on life started to change a little but after years of being fed certain views it’s hard to break that pattern.

Now I’m overthinking everything, I keep saying to myself oh maybe I should just settle down and become a housewife incase I run out of time to have kids which honestly is something I really do worry about because marriage/kid is what I want too but I feel like I’m running out of time or can’t have both the dreams and goals I have and a family. I keep thinking oh maybe I shouldn’t pursue that goal of dream of mine, oh maybe I should just please my family and live the life my mother had but I know deep down I’m more than this and it’s just because my whole life I’ve been fed certain views and lifestyles that I’m now struggling to rewire my whole damn brain. All of this societal pressure is killing me.

I think I need to cut off my family and start a new life but the thing is...I still live at home so I don’t know what I should do from here. Steal my dads money and run...jk or am I? lol. I do have my own savings and I am not a lazy mooch. I have been working in a coffee shop (which again my family also don’t agree with) for the past 3 years.

I’ve become so insecure that I’m actually starting to get anxiety. I’m not really sure what steps I should take next and I asked for advice on the self improvement sub but I don’t think anyone really understood me. Sorry if this is a lot to read.

So yeah If any of you ladies have advice for me to start changing my life and to re wire my whole damn brain that would help me out a lot.