I just had a realization. After stalking this sub for a little bit, I have realized one thing: my dad is a HVM. As children, we learn much of our relationship standards from what we see from our parents, and that's why my standards are so high. My dad treats my mom like the HVW she is.

My dad is the provider. Even though he works like a dog and puts me through school, when he comes home, he changes into something comfortable and goes to help my mom in the kitchen cooking dinner. He helps set up and clean up - he doesn't pull the old "I am the MAN and I work, thus you should do all the cooking/cleaning/childcare." No. He gets his ass up and helps because he is part of the household. My parents strongly emphasize the 'team' mentality. He helps my mom with the shopping, putting the groceries away, etc. When he's not working, he helps with the laundry and the cleaning. He values her opinion and they share the burden on many things - such as financially, they mutually agree on how to take care of things. My mom chose to be a homemaker on her own volition- he was supportive of her going back to work AND her staying home. Whatever she wants is what he wants too, he said. Teamwork is key and each partner gives and takes. They respect each other. I've had candid conversations with my mother, and my father has always been beyond respectful of her - never making her do anything she has not wanted to do, etc.

HVM as a partner also translates to a high value father. Unlike so many other girls my age, my father never told me no 'because something is for boys.' He always supported me, when I was building rockets in middle in high school, he never complained, and drove me 2-3 hours to nearby launches. He helped my mom with childcare. My dad did his best when I was little to change my diapers, to read me to sleep, to give me baths, because he knew how exhausting it was for my mom. When I was older, I could come to him for anything and everything, and he still is my nonjudgemental moral compass. When I was on my period and had terrible cramps, he never made me feel bad or dirty. I could be open with him and say 'hey I need pads' or 'hey I have terrible cramps right now, I'm sorry I can't help mow the lawn.' It shocked me to hear other girls talk about their dads on a high school debate trip - how they made them feel ashamed of their bodies. Ladies, if your man is grossed out by your period, he will shame your daughter too for it. If it destroys your self-esteem, it will crush hers too, a man she is supposed to love and look up to telling her she is disgusting and small for something natural.

The biggest HVM thing my dad has taught me is that cowardice is not acceptable in a man. I hate to use cliche terms, but men need to 'man up' in the face of struggles. My dad has made some mistakes, and I've seen some of their repercussions. Instead of running away like a coward, he faced them, apologized, said how he was going to fix it, and followed through. He takes no shit and gives none, and I respect that. Any coward can run away from a problem - take all those men who bail the second things get tough (e.g. when their wives have cancer, etc). It takes a true man to tough it out for those he loves and respect us enough to admit fault.

Sorry for this long ass post, but I'm realizing: ladies, find a HVM like my dad. That's why I'm so picky - I am taking my time. I want a guy who loves and respects me like my dad has toward my mom, who is a real man. Take notes, men. This is how you become a HVM.

*rant over*