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Flums666
[–][deleted] 84 points85 points86 points 6 years ago* (7 children) | Copy Link
Ladies, watch out for the “my ex is crazy and abusive” excuse (from men)! While it does happen, for me the reality was they were still together and cheating. Having a crazy ex was a good cover for an affair with her.
Edit: the excuse of crazy ex “stalking” him was a good way to hide their mutual contact, like regular phone calls.
[–]BunniferJonesFDS Newbie43 points44 points45 points 6 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
it’s mind boggling how men throw around the word “crazy” to minimize a woman, current gf, or ex gf. in reality his shitty behavior makes her seriously unhappy, he refuses to hear her actual words, and refuses to take any criticism. the trope of the crazy ex is so tired, i’m surprised these jerks can still get away with this victim blaming.
[–]readingriyaFDS Newbie22 points23 points24 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Yes, gaslighting and cognitive dissonance will make any person seem crazy.
Men have no shame
[–][deleted] 4 points5 points6 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I told my ex I was upset at him cancelling at the last minute two days in a row (when I was like 20) . He said "you're crazy, you're so needy and demanding"
[–]pinkyberriesFDS Disciple6 points7 points8 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I got called the crazy ex-girlfriend many times. I own it now, like yeah i'm crazy! and?
[–]pinkyberriesFDS Disciple217 points218 points219 points 6 years ago (9 children) | Copy Link
Don't date guys who still have some contact with their ex, they either still love her and use you as a rebound/to make her jealous or never loved her in the first place.
[–]Flums666FDS Newbie[S] 95 points96 points97 points 6 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
I wish I knew about this subreddit before I damaged my self confidence to the point I thought I don’t deserve to be loved (because ex bf emotional abuse). But luckily I somehow built myself back up and now I’m taking no shit.
[–]ButterYourNiceToastFDS Newbie37 points38 points39 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Better late than never :)
[–]ButterYourNiceToastFDS Newbie76 points77 points78 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
"I care about her and want to know how she's doing!"
"Our breakup was amicable! We're better as friends!"
"I'd never hook up with her again, those feelings for her are gone!"
All bullshit. MOVE ON. Even if they're not interested in dating them again or having sex, they're still getting something out of it, still emotionally connected, and are probably ignorant to the repercussions of still having them in their life in general.
[–]DatonecatladyuknoFDS Apprentice25 points26 points27 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I wish I had followed this in college
[–][deleted] 31 points32 points33 points 6 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
This is a headscratcher for me. I'm still in contact with two of my exes from teenage years (second-half of 20s now), because they were/are in the same friend group. I broke up with one because I was a flighty emotional teenager, and the other because I moved countries for university. It's friendly. Neither pursued me after things ended, nor have I pursued them. They both have good relationships - one is married, he and his wife do a lot of fun things like amusement park dates together, it's very wholesome. Beyond the group chat and mandatory holiday greetings, we don't chat unless to recommend an article/movie/game/show or ask a question that is specific to that person (like, "Hey, you visited XYZ country in the past, can you point me to some resources that could help me plan my trip? Which areas are safe?"), and not the whole group. This happens 2-3x per year maximum.
Personally, I would however DEFINITELY not date guys who have recently broken up (in the last 6 months is my rule), regardless of contact with ex. A lot (not all, but a lot) of guys will want to enter a rebound ASAP. No! They need time to be alone and introspect - if they are capable of it. I think if a guy has taken his time to introspect, and you've somehow verified that he has - I think this may be a green flag.
" never loved her in the first place "
Does that mean that if they break up with you, the person did not love you in the first place? I've been struggling with this idea, because I believe in it to the core...
[–]awreathafranklinFDS Newbie2 points3 points4 points 6 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
This! My ex-LVM loved to string along his female best friend. And fuck her. Yea, I'm the crazy one. 😎
[–]pinkyberriesFDS Disciple2 points3 points4 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
My ex-LVM loved to string along his 2 female friends and take them on dates and call me crazy and say im tripping and that it was just a friendly hangout...of course.
If it was so friendly why did he have to lie to me about it? ;-)
[–][deleted] 49 points50 points51 points 6 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Oh, trust me... his ex WAS blocked. He just couldn't block his thoughts of her* out of his head, and could not stop talking about her.
* Surprise! It was actually a him! He just lied to you for a year because he was afraid you would leave him for being in a relationship with a man, so he was going to tell you on your wedding night!
[–]detectivejuiceeFDS Newbie16 points17 points18 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
My ex was blocked from almost everywhere and he’d still reach out to me on LinkedIn.
[–]BlueberryOrchid955 points6 points7 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Woah 😳 damn that’s an eye opener
[–]FoxesandwrenchesFDS Newbie5 points6 points7 points 6 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
I wish I would have thought about this 7 years ago. It’s 7 years later and I still see her pop up in his DMs. Now I’m stuck here and she’s off somewhere else laughing at me.
[–]JesusisKingisLordFDS STRATEGY COACH4 points5 points6 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Yikes
[–]SimWebb1 point2 points3 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Absolute gold
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[–][deleted] 84 points85 points86 points (7 children) | Copy Link
[–]BunniferJonesFDS Newbie43 points44 points45 points (2 children) | Copy Link
[–]readingriyaFDS Newbie22 points23 points24 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–][deleted] 4 points5 points6 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]pinkyberriesFDS Disciple6 points7 points8 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]pinkyberriesFDS Disciple217 points218 points219 points (9 children) | Copy Link
[–]Flums666FDS Newbie[S] 95 points96 points97 points (2 children) | Copy Link
[–]ButterYourNiceToastFDS Newbie37 points38 points39 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]ButterYourNiceToastFDS Newbie76 points77 points78 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]DatonecatladyuknoFDS Apprentice25 points26 points27 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–][deleted] 31 points32 points33 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]awreathafranklinFDS Newbie2 points3 points4 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]pinkyberriesFDS Disciple2 points3 points4 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–][deleted] 49 points50 points51 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]detectivejuiceeFDS Newbie16 points17 points18 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]BlueberryOrchid955 points6 points7 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]FoxesandwrenchesFDS Newbie5 points6 points7 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]JesusisKingisLordFDS STRATEGY COACH4 points5 points6 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]SimWebb1 point2 points3 points (0 children) | Copy Link