Self Control ; How do you stop yourself from forming a crush on people you find attractive ?Or being cold as a result ?

laeriel_c · 2020-03-09T20:56:03+00:00

Is there any problem with coming off as cold? You don't exist to please other people. Do what is good for you and if that means acting cold towards people you think you might crush on, so be it! You don't need to acknowledge them, just go about your business, you don't owe them any attention.

The only way to avoid these situations is to spend less time around the person and stop yourself from fantasising about them.

cirrus_cloud · 2020-03-09T22:54:22+00:00

GURL! I also suffer from developing obsessive crushes on guys. It’s the absolute worst. Here’s what has really helped me get over my most recent one:

1) Make a list of standards you require in your future husband/mate. They can be physical, but also include non physical ones like “he is man of integrity who does what he says he’s going to do” or “he wants to have a family some day just like me”. One of my top ones is “he is a great communicator and I never feel confused about his intentions with me”. Make sure these reflect your values. My list is about 10 qualities long.

2) Make a pros and cons list about this new crush. Make sure to address each one of the standards you wrote in part one. If you don’t have enough information about one of the standards, that goes in the cons section (Cons: “I don’t truly know if he wants to have a family or not”). Does he meet your physical standard of being taller than you, but not meet a single one of your non-physical standards (such as being a hard worker, or having integrity)? Does he have a witty personality, but you’ve noticed he doesn’t seem like a hard worker? (or you literally have no idea if he is a hard worker because you don’t know him that well)?

Make these lists and you might find that crushes are extremely irrational, because we often don’t really know that much about the crush, other than that he’s cute and seems somewhat personable! And in the absence of actual information about them, we fantasize about them in our heads and start to believe that they have all those other qualities we are seeking for in a mate. LIES! There is no way to truly know if they will meet any of those other standards you have until you get to know them better.

Hope this helps!

Lalelolaleelo · 2020-03-09T21:18:02+00:00

Today you didn't realize he was there and went on with your workout like usual. There's nothing wrong with that - you were doing your thing, as you should.

radical__daphne · 2020-03-09T21:41:39+00:00

You just have to always be circumspect. Be very realistic about how much you really know about this person and take it one step at a time. That shows maturity and also good boundaries. It shows that you're protecting yourself.

Maybe write out a list of qualities and ways and stages in the early part of a relationship he might display them. Then work on a few on each date through watching and listening and learning about him.

sadpourtoujours · 2020-03-10T01:18:53+00:00

Attractive? What does attractive get me? Does attractive mean he’s going to treat me well? Does it mean he’s a man of means? Attractive isn’t going to do shit to benefit me. I think I’m terms of my own benefit. All attractive means is that he has more options and opportunities to mess around imo. And since men are opportunistic, that’s not a good thing.

easteuropeangirl · 2020-03-09T21:13:12+00:00

Don’t spend energy on people and focus more on yourself, read good books, listen music and podcasts. Think that is better to read some interesting novels or spend time on random people? Make a schedule and look an time that you spend on useless stuff

2020-03-09T21:41:22+00:00

While crushes kinda suck, my advice is do not do any actions for their benefit.

I relte a lot to this post. I develop crushes but usually, even if the guy flirts or hints at interest, I do not ask him out. I don't do things for him. Usually I get over him after I realize he's never going to ask me out, even if he flirts a lot.

TheWordLilliputian · 2020-03-10T03:22:05+00:00

By realizing crushes are typically purely physical.

He could have a small dick, he could treat his mom horribly, he could be terrible at discussions, he could be a flirtatious womanizer, he could simply just be good looking.

If you’re not wanting to date yet then consider this: do you want to grow through the process of figuring HIM out and understanding HIM and making time for HIM and being there for HIM right now? Or do you want to do all that for yourself FIRST. Because if you give into your physical crush, and you know or don’t want to be ready to date yet. You are cutting off completely the time that you had planned to reserve for YOU. Is that fair for you to do to yourself?

And who cares if you come off cold. Half the time it makes them interested anyway and/or 8 months later when you’re ready then you can say, “I liked you 8 months ago” and he might say it too.

9penguin · 2020-03-11T04:45:50+00:00

You can't help who you're attracted to, but you can control yourself not to pursue it. Gain more knowledge and listen more to your logic side so you know who not to pursue. You can do it, Sis.

Title	Self Control ; How do you stop yourself from forming a crush on people you find attractive ?Or being cold as a result ?
Author	poisonbitesblue
Upvotes	21
Comments	15
Date	March 9, 2020 8:18 PM UTC (6 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/fg12tn/self_control_how_do_you_stop_yourself_from/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/self-control-how-do-you-stop-yourself-from-forming.680543 https://theredarchive.com/post/680543

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