Should We Start Explicitly Telling Guys Everything That’s Wrong With Them From Top To Bottom?

TheOGJammies · 2019-10-04T03:31:08+00:00

[removed]

madandunabashed · 2019-10-04T07:50:20+00:00

I've started doing this with men who can't make conversation (so most). When the conversation gets so dry I can physically feel my eyes rolling back into my skull, I very tenderly say that I feel like I've been carrying the brunt of the conversation because of x, y, z. I expected most men would get butthurt and all "hulk mad! hulk smash!" on me (and some do) but surprisingly, there's a fair few who are genuinely concerned and want to do better. I can tell they then start to put some effort into it and... the conversation still sucks.

I suspect that even when they want to learn better, they might just be intellectually incapable of it? Either way, it's important for them to know they suck even when they can't improve, just so they know their place and all that. So I'm gonna keep doing it and I hope more of you will join.

FemclFleshBeckyBones · 2019-10-04T14:56:13+00:00

In my experience, actions speak louder than words, because with a lot of men, words go in one ear and out the other. However, if you have boundaries and actually enforce them, instead of giving a guy a million chances to make it up to you (which, let's be real, they never do), that tends to leave an impression. Men get so freaked out by it, because women are socialized to be pushovers who give "forgive" them every time they seriously fuck up, so when they encounter a woman who actually cuts them off, it really throws them for a loop. If you're the one cutting them off and blocking them, chances are you'll never have to deal with all of their handwringing, but a lot of them do go through a whole complex cycle of dealing with the consequence, because they're so unused to it. Whether they actually do anything to change their behavior is another story, though. I find that men are exceptional at compartmentalizing their feelings so as not to actively process uncomfortable feelings that come with any kind of self-awareness.

AverageToHot · 2019-10-04T02:35:17+00:00

I’d just be concerned about the possible violence you may encounter.

ResponsibleCharacter · 2019-10-04T18:23:41+00:00

Lollll nooooo then we’d be the bitches they say we are. It truly is because women are too nice (or socially brainwashed) to actually say “you aren’t good enough for me, I can do better” that these dudes are out here thinking that if they only had more $$ or whatever they’d have a shot. It’s not just money, it’s the whole package, although increased income does come with increased value (intelligence, ambition, savvy) for men AND women. Also if she’s hot as fuck and works for it and you’re a chunky unkempt dude wearing clothes from high school get fucking real goddamn.

quickmantis · 2019-10-04T12:11:01+00:00

This conveys a deeper interest that isnt there though. Negative or positive, attention is still attention.

ceramicunicorn · 2019-10-04T15:05:22+00:00

There is the “it’s not my job” way to look at it, but personally, if I think they are even remotely capable of receptivity, and I have the emotional energy (only you can know this), sometimes I do this bit of coaching. I get frustrated at times, because it makes me feel like I’m the training wheels for men to become better...for other women, not me.

Otherwise, I don’t bank on them learning much from me disappearing. They can create all sorts of reasons in their heads as to why I did, and rarely do those reasons bear a sense of personal responsibility.

Anyway, I guess I hold out hope that there are other women out there also paying dues, and making men better for me, for when I come along later. I would be grateful for that woman.

666manhater666 · 2019-10-04T21:10:41+00:00

Naw. They start learning entitlement when they're children. It's just due to gendered socialization. And one girl telling them why they're not really all that isn't going to change their entitlement. You just have to find one less entitled than the others.

TheOGJammies · 2019-10-04T03:55:19+00:00

Nah, sis. 😉 What I do is to write a message to them FOR MY OWN BENEFIT but I never send it to them. In my experience the men who are clueless are not able to comprehend what you are even telling them! They need to learn by consequence like the children they are in these instances (because their empathy and emotional development was arrested around the age of six).

StopBeingAPlate · 2019-10-05T21:14:48+00:00

No. Not my monkey. Not my circus.

It’s not your job or my job to help anyone that doesn’t want help.

It could boil down to preferences. It could boil down to he’s having a rough time. It could boil down to he has an undiagnosed mental illness.

The wrong advice could have adverse effects.

Be compassionate when you break off communication and wish him well. And keep it moving.

nolagem · 2019-10-04T04:47:06+00:00

Uh no, why would you do this?? Just to make a point? Just walk away. You don’t need an explanation

Title	Should We Start Explicitly Telling Guys Everything That’s Wrong With Them From Top To Bottom?
Author	TheOGJammies
Upvotes	43
Comments	33
Date	October 4, 2019 2:23 AM UTC (6 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/dd15co/should_we_start_explicitly_telling_guys/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/should-we-start-explicitly-telling-guys-everything.690308 https://theredarchive.com/post/690308

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