The forever-gf trap

FirePreferred · 2020-12-05T16:52:10+00:00

For the life of me I can’t find it, but there was a message on Instagram I read shortly after I ended things with a situationship. It went along the lines of ‘when women stop wasting time with a man in their life— they end up starting a business, getting a degree, writing, being a total boss’ basically all of that energy that was funneled into the man is perfused elsewhere. And it has stuck with me ever since.

And it’s true. By the time I read it, it’d been about a month of no longer wasting my time with someone that let me be an option. I started a new job, grew one of my businesses, got published, and finished a class. It continues from there. Many times you truly have to learn the ‘hard way’ to understand your value and value your own time! Anyhoo, if you’re reading this. Cut him out! Life is better on the other side.

ladyyninjaa · 2020-12-05T16:55:04+00:00

I was with my ex for a year and not once did he talk about our future. I asked him on our one year anniversary where he saw our relationship heading and he had the audacity to tell me that he never saw a future with me. He just didn’t want to break up with me because it was too much of a hassle. I noped out of that relationship a week later.

compfrog · 2020-12-05T17:18:49+00:00

It’s not so much the legal benefits of marriage, it’s more the promise and commitment that it takes for a man to buy a ring, help plan and pay for a wedding etc. That shows commitment and it’s worth it to get this commitment from men so we don’t waste our time.

Sure marriage doesn’t always last but if he went through with the whole getting married shebang then it’s more likely his heart was in the right place and things just didn’t work out.

LevelTurbulent · 2020-12-05T16:36:50+00:00

Yep, you’re right. I did this for a 20 year marriage but because it was a marriage I at least get 10 years of alimony.

kiki_do_u_luv_me · 2020-12-05T18:08:24+00:00

I’m 19 (soon to be 20), and I have a fear of getting married too young and potentially wasting my youth on someone who ends up being a scrote. At the same time, I refuse to be a forever girlfriend. I have a boyfriend and if all goes well, I would like to get engaged and married. My girlfriend time limit is 3 years max. But fuck it’s hard to imagine myself getting married at 23.

Mindeska · 2020-12-06T00:16:33+00:00

Yep, this was me in my twenties. What a clown. He completely stifled me to the point of almost sabotaging my career. Refused to even contemplate moving to a place I'd have more opportunities and also refused to do long distance. Insisted on me being more 'social' and 'outgoing', so I wasted hours and hours of my free time and lots of money sitting around in bars with his stupid friends instead of working on improving myself and learning new things. I knew I was losing myself but figured it was worth it to have a solid relationship and not to find myself on dating apps in my thirties like some of my friends. I thought I was investing in the relationship and my future.

Yeah, guess what, the very moment this asshole felt like he was 'better' than me (got a minor promotion at work), suddenly everything changed. He started acting arrogant and brash, and within six months, said he didn't see a future with me anymore. He literally rinsed me, lived off my energy, intelligence and vitality like a parasite, and when he'd drained me and made me a shell of my former self, decided I wasn't exciting enough anymore. He spent 7 years trying to make me depend on him more and be less independent, then complained I was too 'clingy'.

I wish I could go back and time and tell him to fuck off instead of wasting 7 years of my life. When we first met, he did that pathetic 'you're too good for me' schtick. Yes. Yes, I was.

HengroenAndLlamrei · 2020-12-05T20:14:12+00:00

Yup. A family member dated a guy for over 3 years. She had to push him to propose because ‘waaaa my ex wife was crazy and screwed me over and marriage is scary’. They finally got married after she compromised and agreed not to have children despite dreaming of them her whole life. A MONTH after the wedding she came home and found a woman’s skirt on the floor and he handed her a glass of wine and told her he was leaving her. Plot twist that NO ONE saw coming (eye roll)? I met the ex wife at the wedding and guess what? Not crazy. So sad. Both are lovely, vibrant women and I hope their lives are filled with joy without that loser.

overthinkersanon8 · 2020-12-05T17:21:59+00:00

Don’t get married on your own accord. I’m not risking half my income and future inheritance on any person, even if he appears HVM.

elizakemp · 2020-12-05T18:40:03+00:00

This hit me hard, my life exactly from 21 to 28. Then after the break up, we were “friends” for two years. Horrible mistake but I healed after I learned what codependency means.

Babooshka-123 · 2020-12-05T18:14:59+00:00

I wouldn’t marry someone after just 2 years though, it’s not long enough for the true self to come out.

AutoModerator · 2020-12-05T16:18:15+00:00

[1] - We Just Launched a Website: wwww.TheRealFemaleDatingStrategy.com. Click here for registration information. Please also join our Twitter and Instagram Pages for updates!
[2] - Please read the FDS Handbook and Wiki before commenting. Repeated comments demonstrating lack of basic sub knowledge will result in a temporary or permanent ban.
[3] - Please REPORT any comments that do not follow the sub rules. If you do not report it, the mods will not see it.
[4] - PLEASE REMOVE ALL PERSONAL IDENTIFIABLE INFORMATION from images (Name, Location, Job description, education, phone number, etc). Failure to remove ID info will result in a 1-2 day ban. Repeated failures will result in a permanent ban.
[5] - This sub is FEMALE ONLY. All comments from men will be removed and you will be banned. DO NOT REPLY TO MALE TROLLS!! Please DOWNVOTE and REPORT immediately.

I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.

Title	The forever-gf trap
Author	NecessaryCook
Upvotes	254
Comments	27
Date	December 5, 2020 4:18 PM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/k7a9dl/the_forevergf_trap/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/the-forever-gf-trap.732242 https://theredarchive.com/post/732242

Comments