This is what happens when you let yourself be trapped. The lady couldn't even complete her degree- ensuring she won't have any option to be independent in the future. Be wise ladies. Don't fall into that trap.

SarcasmSlide · 2020-03-22T14:44:13+00:00

One of my closest friends from childhood is the smartest women I’ve ever met. She was pursuing advanced biochemical degrees at a prestigious university while I was waiting tables and fucking around in life. But then she got pregnant with some townie loser in the merchant marines.

After they had the kid she dropped out. Said she would go back and finish later. They had another kid and got married. She never went back to university. He ended up leaving her for someone else, and she has since gone on to have another kid with some other guy. Now she’s the one who waits tables. It’s the most depressing thing I’ve ever seen. She could have changed the world and fulfilled all her dreams. But she let some dumb guy who didn’t even finish high school hit it raw and threw it all away.

logician01 · 2020-03-22T12:58:32+00:00

There removed the post immediately when we linked it here. They don’t want women waking up and talking to each other. It’s an extreme form of censorship.

venomoth91 · 2020-03-22T20:45:46+00:00

Here's a copy/paste from the removeddit link https://www.removeddit.com/r/relationships/comments/fmjlba/i_27f_am_living_in_a_box_created_by_my_husband/?utm_source=reddit&utm_medium=usertext&utm_name=FemaleDatingStrategy&utm_content=t3_fmycjj

I (27F) am living in a box created by my husband (29M). Our strife has escalated to him punishing me.[new](self.relationships) submitted 1 days ago by littlethumbelina to /r/relationships Settle in guys.

My husband and I have been together since college, about 8 years this fall. We got engaged while in college but I never finished my degree because I got pregnant and we moved when he graduated so he could start his career. We couldn't afford childcare and didn't live near family so I stayed home with our two kids.

He’s a left-brained, logic based engineer. I've always admired his intelligence and ability to learn anything and everything quickly. I am a right-brained, less detail oriented creative-type. I daydream a lot and am very introverted.

It seems like sometimes my husband micromanages me. I say “seems like” because what feels like micromanaging to me is what he would call “being helpful” or pointing out the “right way” to do something.

An example: I went to disinfect the outside of the fridge with some Lysol wipes this morning and upon seeing me do this he stops me, right as I'm beginning to wipe it down, to ask what I'm doing. I tell him, quite obviously, I'm cleaning the fridge door & handle. He immediately gets huffy and says I need to tell him what I'm doing before I start doing something "like that." My husband is under the impression that when he's at home (and even when he isn't) that I should talk to him to let him know what I'm doing, no matter what it is, before I do it. He is CONSTANTLY harping on this because he thinks it's what constitutes proper communication in a relationship.

Now, I am in complete agreement that before doing something out of the ordinary or making a decision that affects our family/finances/etc. that there should be communication between us taking place. But...am I overreacting about wanting to be able to clean the house without needing to "let him know" first? This includes things like vacuuming, reorganizing anything in the house (I mean this...ANYTHING, even papers that he leaves covering 2/3 of the dining room table that we eat at), opening blinds, etc etc.

So, back to my example. After I make it clear that what I'm doing is indeed cleaning the fridge, he goes on to tell me how I should be doing it. I get frustrated saying "Yes, I know how to clean all the parts of the fridge that we touch." He goes so far as to act exasperated and come over to demonstrate how to do it because I hadn't cleaned anything except the handle yet (uhh, I had just started when he interrupted me).

I’m fine with him offering suggestions some of the time, but when he does this on a daily basis, it grates on my nerves. No, that an understatement. It makes me want to shut down completely. And honestly, it feels pretty patronizing. I might be more flighty than him, but I’m also a competent adult who can figure things out without someone needing to constantly step in to show me how to do it or stop me from doing it so they can do it for me.

Another example: While I’m making dinner, he suggests that I’ll save time if I chop up an onion his way instead of my way. It'd be one thing if these were one-off suggestions and "The way you're doing it is really inefficient. Either do it my way or step aside so I can do it."

If I ever say something such as "Okay, your way is fine but I'd like to do it this way." Then he basically says the way I'm doing it is wrong. Yes, even if what I'm doing will in no way harm anyone or cause problems, his way is always "right."

Honestly, it has escalated into something that causes great strife in our marriage. There are so many things that I "can't" do (because he says only he can do it because I can't do it right) or am just too afraid to do now because I risk pissing him off (because I did it wrong).

I can't grocery shop because I might buy the wrong thing or accidentally spend too much money. I actually don't spend a single penny before getting it approved by him first. I don't pay any of our bills because he doesn't trust me with that stuff (I've never missed or payed a bill late). The only debt I came to the marriage with is college loan debt.

This basically touches every part of my life.

Today I got upset over the whole "you shouldn't be cleaning without running it by me first, and here's how you clean the fridge" thing. I told him that he could then finish the cleaning so he could do it how he wanted it done. I slammed our bedroom door and he then he came in, started pushing me and grabbing me so I left the room. At that point he followed me into the living room, took my cell phone out of my hand, and proceeded to block the internet on my phone until I agreed to sit down and listen to him talk.

I feel like this post is so scattered and doesn't properly sum up how devastatingly exhausted I am of living under someone's thumb...but it's the best I can do for now and I just really needed to get it out there before I burst. I can't talk to family about this anymore because there has been a history of domestic violence and so my family doesn't want to hear it unless it's to tell them I'm leaving him. I don't have any friends either. I haven't lived in one spot for long enough to make any true friends and with my introverted personality & tumultuous/depressing life, it's been difficult to say the least.

TL;DR: Husband wants me to tell him before I do anything so he can "talk about it," but I feel like this is really so he can have the option to tell me not to do it or tell me how I should be doing it. When we argue about things now it has escalated to him pushing me/grabbing me/taking things like my phone & internet away until I will sit and listen to him explain his logic behind his behavior.

thepastamancer · 2020-03-22T12:32:59+00:00

This is eerily familiar and I'm so glad I bailed after less than a year and didnt have kids! Control your reproduction!

ny-lady · 2020-03-22T21:20:16+00:00

She has to ask to clean? Holy F!! I just read total insanity...

jayda92 · 2020-03-22T12:20:28+00:00

I fell into the trap as well. Its probably gonna cost me my twenties.. :(

Kristishere · 2020-03-22T11:22:50+00:00

I know this isn't the main part of your post, but your assertion that if you don't have a degree, you can't ever be independent is not true. I feel like this needs to be pointed out because many women don't leave because they believe they can't be financially independent.

Don't let your lack of a degree keep you trapped ladies!

Muffcakelord · 2020-03-22T12:21:04+00:00

I always imagine how someone like that would react to being treated the exact way as they treat others

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