Thoughts on not using Boyfriend/Girlfriend status - aka, no titles till Marriage (fiance status)?

Bubbly-Manufacturer · 2020-10-02T01:41:25+00:00

Idk if it’s a good idea. Bc the man might also think of himself as single until married which isn’t a good thing. He should be dedicated to you. And with no title there is no expectations from him.

alichuchu · 2020-10-02T02:10:02+00:00

You probably want to read the handbook if you haven’t already. You’re on the right track, however a HVM will want a title. You’re not going to find a man that doesn’t want a title that won’t make you a forever girlfriend. Run the other way if a man doesn’t want a title.

heythere360 · 2020-10-02T02:13:10+00:00

Mmm. I totally see where you’re coming from. As a soon to be former serial monogamist (2 ltrs back to back) at 25 years old, believe me, I’m currently pondering the same thing. But my problem with that method is that it basically invites the man to sleep with and pursue other women the whole time you’re dating. Studies show that you shouldn’t even consider marrying anyone before dating them 18 months.

I don’t like the idea of being in basically a poly relationship with my dude for 2 years. I also wouldn’t want to rush an engagement after “openly” dating for a year. It would be rushing into marriage after a weird honeymoon phase where the expectations were unrealistic and neither party had to practice fidelity. Not a strong foundation for marriage imo.

I’m afraid there’s no easy way out. But girl, from one gf to another, get out of the dating pool if you want to truly be single. This dude talking about exclusivity with you...just no. You’re single. No need to tell him about no titles until engagement. Just tell him no and if he doesn’t respect your boundaries he can pound sand.

Don’t let these boys rush you into commitment. Most of them are still getting nudes from old tinder matches but want to lock you out of the dating game. Selfish. Look out for yourself sis. You are a prize. Make them earn something.

ilovewriting_13 · 2020-10-02T01:40:31+00:00

Don’t be nothing to no one until they make it known you’re IT.

NaturalSiren · 2020-10-02T03:29:46+00:00

After the last guy, I decided to no longer have a boyfriend. I take it too seriously while they don’t, and I don’t want to waste time.

Solution?

Build up your scrotation!

Have a steady supply of 3 guys you see, and keep meeting more when one of them starts to seem sus. Once they ask for your exclusivity, just say you need more time. Hold out on not answering their exclusivity questions for as long as you can, try for 3-6 months. If they ask if you are seeing anyone, be honest and say yes.

After 3-6 months, or you decide you see a future with them and vetted them and see them as a future husband, or they keep asking to be exclusive, say you are looking for the person you want to spend the rest of your life with. That you are enjoying life, and that your man will step up and claim you. This will light a fire up his ass.

“Who is this wondrous creature who isn’t begging me for commitment? How is it that she can be so comfortable in herself, that she can let me be free to be me? It will be a joy to be with her by my own choice, not by force. “, he will think. He will suddenly go through his MaLe LoGiC and decide you are the one after some time and propose, or he will step out. But you let him make the decision to be with you, and he will stick to it.

Why?

**you save time by vetting multiple guys at once. You are too beautiful to waste another 2-3 years on future trash.

**gives you vibe of calm confidence. He messes up? Next!

**keeps you being and looking busy. They forgot to plan a date with you for Saturday evening? Sucks for you, you have Sunday afternoon free, or next Friday night 🤷‍♀️

**lets you detach emotionally, as you are meeting multiple people

**brings out their competitive nature, but in a healthy way. An insecure scrote who wants to lock you down will run away like a wimpy dog when he finds out you aren’t with just him. A healthy HVM will know a fine beautiful goddess like you would OBVIOUSLY be surrounded by men courting her, he is not worried about them, and he will get his lady!

Extra:

Don’t have sex with them! I REPEAT DO NOT HAVE SEX WITH THEM UNTIL THEY AT LEAST PROPOSE. They will think you are doing the same with the rest and all else. Don’t have sex with them until they at least propose to you.

I should write up another post on this, but I’m basing my scrotation rules on previous comments here. I’m enjoying my scrotation, they adore me and treat me like the princess I am. I don’t know when I will be proposed to, but I know it is soon and that I’m adoring the way I’m being treated.

For any guys saying this is gross or not fair, be honest. Y’all stare and creep at all girls even when dating exclusively, you are passing the time until your mythical dream girl appears. Real commitment begins for you at proposal/marriage. Anything else than that is you just passing the time. Why don’t we just make our levels of commitment line up? 😘

janetheautomaton · 2020-10-02T06:32:46+00:00

You are talking yourself into giving the man the power. Why do you have to discuss anything with him? You don't want to be anyone's girlfriend right now, so be confident in that decision and keep treating that guy as exactly what he is, not your boyfriend. Don't discuss, demonstrate. I understand the impulse to have a heart-to-heart in which the two of you come up with some sort of plan wherein everyone's desires and boundaries are respected, and I really, really wish that worked, but it almost never does, at least not while you're still vetting a man. Men are going to do what they are going to do, and if they ask for a line in the sand it's usually only so they can know what to negotiate, push, or misrepresent. If he wants to do right by you, he won't need a program of events. Save the heart-to-hearts for when you know you're dealing with a HVM.
If he is asking or does ask, don't pour your heart out. The most you should have to say is that right now, you're happy dating and getting to know each other before making any commitments. If he pushes for exclusivity, maybe you'll think on it. If he raises poly or casual, you know to dip. But don't offer more than you're asked. Let him push these talks with you. Let him pursue those titles. Give no more information than you have to.
There's a lot of talk around here about the psychological effects of being the chased and not the chaser, but I really believe that if you have to play these mind games with a man to ensure his interest or good behavior, you are propping up an illusion and any connection you think you have is doomed. There's a fine line between taking defensive measures/vetting a man and manipulation/false representation. A man who likes chasing that much is going to want the chase again at some point and no healthy relationship can sustain such a dynamic permanently. Just keep this in mind as you move forward.

Kind_Entertainment_6 · 2020-10-02T02:10:13+00:00

Here for the comments because everything you said makes 100% sense to me.

youdipthong · 2020-10-02T03:31:17+00:00

I recommend you read this post by another FDS member. It’s really insightful and you can get a lot of ideas on what to do.

magenta_mojo · 2020-10-02T15:22:39+00:00

The engagement ring IS the promise ring, people!! What is so hard to understand about that? Being happy about a pRoMiSe rInG outside of high school is cringe.

If he wanted to, he would.

2020-10-02T13:03:02+00:00

absolutely agree!

the whole "boyfriend" thing is just code for relationship deadend

no titles till fiance and no "exclusivity" for the same reason. as far as hes doncerned youre single until he puts a ring on it

Title	Thoughts on not using Boyfriend/Girlfriend status - aka, no titles till Marriage (fiance status)?
Author	throwaway_48562
Upvotes	58
Comments	25
Date	October 1, 2020 6:39 PM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/j3ehqc/thoughts_on_not_using_boyfriendgirlfriend_status/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/thoughts-on-not-using-boyfriendgirlfriend-status.317063 https://theredarchive.com/post/317063

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