Trauma Bonding

AutoModerator · 2021-03-01T03:58:44+00:00

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Pahapan · 2021-03-01T04:36:56+00:00

This is SO important for women to know about. A trauma bond will have you returning to an abusive relationship like a dog returning to its own vomit because it's not just psychological. There's a biological, neurochemical component that you will feel the effects of in excruciating ways when you try to leave the person you're trauma bonded to. I have never felt more miserable in my entire life than in the 6 months following me breaking up with and going no contact with my abusive ex. I threw myself into work and picked up as many hours as possible because if I was at home I was crying on and off repeatedly. I would cry for hours at night after I'd gotten into bed, alone with my thoughts and memories with nothing to distract myself with. I got very little sleep during this time period. I was a shell of my former self. At my lowest week or so I seriously considered breaking no contact and telling my ex something that I hoped would result in him killing me because I couldn't foresee an end to the absolute misery I was experiencing. I fantasized about ending things myself.

If you find yourself in a pit of despair following a breakup, it's imperative that you not give in or give up. Keep your ex out of your life, don't break no contact. If you're going through hell, keep going. Get help. You're like an addict getting clean and you need to give your brain chemistry time. I woke up one day and instead of immediately crying there was just... nothing. It was like I'd had a terrible toothache that was suddenly gone. I'd expected the trauma bond would lift gradually over time but no, it was straight on awful for half a year and then gone overnight. I'm not sure if that's typical tbh but just know that if you're going through this, it will end eventually.

Thesseli · 2021-03-01T14:38:32+00:00

Trauma bonding seems like it's the basis of BDSM.

pinkmacaroons · 2021-03-01T07:26:06+00:00

I ended my abusive relationship as soon as I discovered the thing that had us still running wasn’t love but trauma. I first read about trauma bonding here on FDS.

sermuonielis · 2021-03-01T04:41:44+00:00

I've just escaped one! They were so subtle with it too- no shouting, no name calling and so on. He seemed like a hvm at first, buying a second property at the age of 25, EMT job and then other extra jobs, car owned outright with no credit, no drinking etc. But we had a very similar upbringing and neither of us has a good relationship with our parents. However, I went to therapy and he did not. That should've been the first red flag because the unresolved mommy AND daddy issues are simply not worth it.

Interesting_Day1188 · 2021-03-01T13:35:25+00:00

Every military man I have dated has been really messed up in the head, no matter how “great” they seem at first. I refuse to ever date anybody in the military or ex military ever again due to abuse I suffered from them.

Interesting_Day1188 · 2021-03-01T19:04:40+00:00

[permanently deleted]

slipperyfoots · 2021-03-01T07:02:54+00:00

This is so well-put! I broke up with my N-ex before the pandemic started but still had to live with him the whole year. It made it so much harder to cut ties and create boundaries and get out of this cycle of abuse

huevos_and_whiskey · 2021-03-01T18:22:51+00:00

Military subculture is so toxic. Abuse of all types, martyr complexes, and it gets reinforced from all sides: the service members themselves, the FRG, even the general public constantly putting them on a pedestal. I used to admire people in service until I got to know some of them. Now I see it as a giant neon red flag.

So much of what they put themselves through is totally unnecessary. Take the sleep deprivation, for example. There’s no way to train your body to be desensitized to the effects of sleep deprivation. Studies have shown this. Actually, the best way to ensure performance during occasional bouts of sleep deprivation is to be well rested and healthy the rest of the time. But does the military take heed to any of the data proving this? Nope. They just stay entrenched in outdated and ineffective models. It’s totally irrational.

Title	Trauma Bonding
Author	Interesting_Day1188
Upvotes	178
Comments	22
Date	March 1, 2021 3:58 AM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/luzdxj/trauma_bonding/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/trauma-bonding.1191980 https://theredarchive.com/post/1191980

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