What exactly is a healthy relationship?

2340000 · 2020-06-10T22:09:26+00:00

You are listened to. You are respected. Your boundaries aren't tested. Fidelity is standard. You are comfortable. You're not anxious. You are supported. You don't feel like it's a competition. You don't feel like there is a power struggle.

Figure out who you are. Write down what you don't want. Then decide what you do. You create your standards and manifest the life you want. Accept what benefits you and reject what doesn't.

AppropriateHoney6 · 2020-06-11T02:14:13+00:00

For me - when you feel like a better woman/ person in their presence. Also, when you feel at ease after spending time with them; there are no petty fights, passive aggression, stress. You don’t have to put in effort or chase, it feels effortless to be with them and right. And you feel respected.

Incredible_Alligator · 2020-06-11T05:49:57+00:00

I've only been in one healthy relationship, and I try to use that now as a benchmark. The best things about it were I always felt safe to be myself. I never had to watch what I said. He was never embarrassed of me or to be seen with me. He always cared about my feelings and opinions. He built me up, not dragged me down. I never had anxiety about the relationship. It was easy and relaxed, like I never had to worry about when I'd last heard from him or when I'd hear from him again because he was consistent. Nothing about it was a struggle.

The other thing about this is, if you are used to toxic relationships, a healthy relationship will likely feel "boring". But don't pay too much attention to that. Boring is good! We become addicted to the drama in unhealthy relationships, which makes stable, loving, healthy relationships feel boring.

aneedhelpaccount · 2020-06-10T22:09:07+00:00

Does he listen without getting angry or making it about him and his feelings if you express hurt or discomfort or when you set a boundary?

Does he actually show real interest in you and your career and hobbies? Does he understand the “girly” things or does he belittle them?

Does he do his share of the boring stuff? Chores, bill paying, etc.

Does he go out of his way to do nice sweet things for you daily, like remembering your favorite coffee and bringing it to you, leaving a sweet note, basically small gestures of caring on a consistent basis?

These are a few I can readily think of.

peachpy54 · 2020-06-11T02:02:29+00:00

You understand that if you're healthier apart or healthier platonically, that you'd let each other go if necessary.

whereisvicsage2 · 2020-06-11T18:14:54+00:00

-You can talk through tough subjects without fighting or stewing afterwards. You both listen to each other and remember that information in the future to better the relationship.

-Your interests/hobbies are respected, and your partner encourages you within them.

-They help you when you’re feeling bad, and vice versa, without holding it over your head or making it about them.

-They remember what you enjoy, your preferences, and use them in the future. Ex: They remember your favorite candy and get it for you instead of some random alternative, or they remember what kind of shows and movies you like and recommend you/suggest similar things.

-Theres no whining about chores, or paying for dinner, or paying bills. I would also say compromising in deciding who does what based on what they hate more counts too (ex: I hate washing dishes, so partner does it, while he hates laundry so I do it).

-You feel equal in the relationship, and not that one puts more effort in than the other, or someone talks more and the other person is less heard.

-You’re both attracted to each other, and comfortable to be “yourself” around each other. Not being embarrassed or terrified when something unsavory happens (like being sick, or needing them to purchase menstrual products for you). I would add being upfront and honest when it comes to bodily issues/sexual issues without it causing issues.

These are only a few examples, I’m sure there are endless examples of healthy vs. unhealthy. I feel that my current relationship is very healthy, whereas past relationships were toxic/abusive/unhealthy, so these are the big differences/problems that I thought were important.

EDIT: I’d also add “trust” in here. You trust them and they trust you, especially when it comes to things that are boundary related/fidelity related. You don’t worry that they’re cheating on you, or talking to other girls, and they prove that they are actually sticking to that (and vice versa obv).

Puddles_the_cuddles · 2020-06-11T11:19:56+00:00

Well, I'm quite young but this is what currently occuring in my relationship, and I consider them to be healthy aspects.Where they encourage you to put yourself first. When they admire every inch of you and you feel confident about both of your loyalty to each other. Where you feel extremely comfortable to be weird like just be weird goof ball. Where you consider each other feelings. Being completely honest with them even if it hurts them or you. Balancing communication with each other and time for yourself. Respecting each other boundaries and being understanding when someone having a "bad day". Unexpected affectionate suprise to further express your care for them. That goes the same for reminders and long paragraphs of your love and affection. For me, balancing all these aspects is the key to a health relationship.

fernprincess · 2020-06-11T12:42:15+00:00

Maybe look at the different relationships around you for what seems healthy and beneficial as well as what seems unhealthy and like dealbreakers. Then write it down as reminders to yourself. It has helped me to compare and remind myself how high value people act in relationships vs what is unacceptable.

I feel lucky that I have examples of (mostly) healthy relationships in my parents and grandparents. I asked both of my grandparents separately what the secret to their long, loving, and happy relationship was and they both told me “trust”. They said you have to fully trust the other person in all things or you will never have respect or love for them. It always stuck with me and is the main reason I’ve been the instigater of break ups when I realized I rightfully didn’t trust my partners. My grandfather worked hard to provide for his family, my grandmother had a good life, a nice house, happy kids, and a man who was honest and genuinely loved her. He did try to play the bumbler card now and then but she was shrewd and didn’t play into it and he’d step up. She kept to her standards and he’d have to step up to keep her.

I consider my dad a HVM. He is a good provider, he takes care of my mom’s every want and need, he takes care of his home, cars, and property, and he was a good dad to his kids. I’ve noticed both of my parents make it very clear when they don’t like something or are mad at the other. There’s no hidden resentment —it’s right there on the surface and they deal with it. They both come off as pushy and critical sometimes, but they also don’t get comfortable and complacent. They both keep to their boundaries and standards. My mom likes to gossip and complain about my dad, so I point out when she’s exaggerating, causing drama because boredom, or being unrealistic. For example she wants him to do something she knows he’s bad at or something that will hurt him because he’s old and in a lot of pain - I tell her to consider alternatives and be more fair. Though I think she’s kept him chasing her so long because she has high expectations and isn’t “nice”, lol. My dad is opposite, he doesn’t complain about my mom to other people, he tells her to her face in private.

Title	What exactly is a healthy relationship?
Author	meme_femme
Upvotes	62
Comments	15
Date	June 10, 2020 9:37 PM UTC (6 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/h0kvht/what_exactly_is_a_healthy_relationship/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/what-exactly-is-a-healthy-relationship.673952 https://theredarchive.com/post/673952

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