When a guy doesn't even put in the tiniest amount of effort

JuddHerpatow · 2019-12-07T13:49:51+00:00

I just had a fuckboy reappear in my life after eight months of ghosting. He gives the lowest amount of effort in the past. I have dropped everything to see him cause I'm ridiculously attracted to him. He's ghosted me before. He called with a "I wanted to wish you a happy thanks giving. Hope you are well" call. It's taking me everything not to fuck that guy again. The thing that keeps me from doing it is remembering the time he invited me over for dinner. I spent an hour getting ready and he served up frozen pizza.

I looked like a blonde bombshell for frozen pizza. Never again.

Liz_Lemondrop · 2019-12-07T11:25:49+00:00

Men are stupid, but their actions are obvious. If he wanted your time, he would work for it. If he wanted to be around you, he would make it happen. Their deeply entrenched sense of entitlement means they are more willing to go after the things they value.

If he's not putting in effort, that's the answer. None of us will convince them otherwise, all we can do is read the signs and value ourselves enough to practice rational detachment and find the man who will see your worth.

letsberealforamoment · 2019-12-07T16:48:54+00:00

He was basically dumping the work of the relationship onto you at this point. In his brain, you were already his gf.....tjerefore, you do all the work of planning dates, organizing blah blah. I would wager if you said "we are doing xyz on Wed so be ready by 7" he would have been "ok hun". Think it's bad now? Just wait until after marriage and kids....

I think a man can be into you and display this lazy, entitled behavior. But we don't want lazy men who won't do any work in a relationship....and unfortunately, that is the sheer majority of men (due to individual and social upbringing).

What were his excuses?

Scotsburd · 2019-12-07T11:46:29+00:00

Well done for bailing. Never allow anyone to take you for granted. Everyone is busy, if he wanted to make time for you, he would. Too often we fool ourselves by making excuses for men who CBA. They don't even need to excuse themselves, we do it for them! Onwards and upwards, sister. Throw that one back into the swamp.

scrimshandy · 2019-12-07T13:24:28+00:00

I had a fling with a guy who moved halfway around the world. We ended on good terms, but haven’t spoken since he moved.

When he knew he would be back in my city for a bit, he texted me THREE WEEKS ahead of time to schedule something.

This guy had spoiled me in more ways than one, but above and beyond all it was his no-bullshit approach to making time to see me, caring that I had a good time sexually, and general open communication.

Life happens. But people make time for what matters to them, and they won’t bullshit you.

husheveryone · 2019-12-07T11:45:15+00:00

Exactly right: this is breadcrumbing behavior showing no real interest in you at all.

“I’m busy” is the worst. It takes literal seconds to send a quick text over a 24 hour period. “I’m busy” is what I say to people I do not value terribly much, and probably take completely for granted, such as lower ranking colleagues, or one of my exes.

“I’m busy” is the kiss of death romantically. Bye, boi.

throwawayy92838383 · 2019-12-08T03:58:10+00:00

Dating as a woman should be easy. Your job is to embrace your passive energy while he does the planning and organizing. Making suggestions or requests is fine, because he should want to please you. BUT he should always be doing the footwork because his JOB is to impress you. DO NOT PLAN DATES.

If you’re the one organizing dates and hitting him up for your next meet, drop him and start over because a) You’ve already set the precedent/tone for your relationship by demonstrating you’ll do the work, and b) he is either lazy (and thus LV) or just not that into you. You really think a man would make a girl he really was into, admirers, and desires madly PLAN DATES and hit HIM up? Nah.

The moment you sense he’s not putting in the effort, or is pushing you to be the active planner, drop him. Don’t wait. Don’t drag it out. Stop responding and move on.

fractalite99 · 2019-12-07T12:39:11+00:00

You’re giving this too much time :))

Title	When a guy doesn't even put in the tiniest amount of effort
Author	Q5DB
Upvotes	144
Comments	20
Date	December 7, 2019 11:21 AM UTC (6 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/e7d8il/when_a_guy_doesnt_even_put_in_the_tiniest_amount/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/when-a-guy-doesnt-even-put-in-the-tiniest-amount.687373 https://theredarchive.com/post/687373

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