Why the hell do they gas light ????

jalapenopancakes · 2019-11-17T16:01:54+00:00

It’s a manipulative attempt to get you to question if your own experiences actually happened, or if your response to an event was appropriate.

You ever have a fight with a guy and he says that certain things happened and were said, but you know for a fact that wasn’t true? But then you begin to question your own memory?

Or, when someone says that you’re crazy for reacting emotionally in response to abuse, and then they begin to normalize the abuse? Both examples are examples of gaslighting.

listen10 · 2019-11-17T18:46:08+00:00

For example this is to me a typical Gaslighting situation.

You tell your partner you'll be home at 8pm, he replies and says "ok see you at 8pm"

You get home at 8pm and he turns around and says.

"Where have you been, you said you be home at 7pm"

You know you said 8pm, you said it twice you remember him replying "ok see you at 8pm", you tell him this.

He replies

" No you said 7pm not 8pm, where have you been , you're losing your memory, your wrong, I knew you are up to something, I never said ok see you at 8pm, you're wrong and you're lying."

They say it with such conviction you start to question yourself, "did I say 7pm, maybe I did"

And they do this all the time over everything. And you question yourself over and over until it gets to the point, where you're not even sure what you said about anything..

CuriousCatNYC777 · 2019-11-17T16:25:34+00:00

Google says this about gaslighting:

“What is Gaslighting? Gaslighting is a manipulative tactic in which a person, to gain power and control, plants seeds of uncertainty in the victim. The self-doubt and constant skepticism slowly and meticulously cause the individual to question their reality.”

Basically, men do it to get what they want out of a woman while behaving badly and getting away with it. They trick the woman into thinking THEY’RE the crazy one...

pokersnob · 2019-11-17T18:49:31+00:00

Go on youtube and watch the classic film "Gaslight" !!!!

MyGilleyCat · 2019-11-17T20:55:36+00:00

I once knew a woman in a extremely abusive relationship. Her husband would yell at her and accuse her of not cleaning up the table after dinner. Except that she was standing beside that table and it was cleared and done. And he kept screaming "cant you see? are you blind? look at these dishes!" and point to the table and run his hand over the table and act like she was crazy. He did it for so long she began to think she was going blind or crazy because she couldn't see the dishes (dishes that were NOT there).

That's gaslighting you lie to someone and manipulate them into thinking the truth is a lie and vise versa and they can no longer trust themselves so they are easier to control. It starts off much more subtle then that usually but anyone who makes you questions your sanity is a big fucking no.

flamingo_clouds · 2019-11-17T21:35:33+00:00

Because women are often called “crazy” by men (literally every single time they bitch about their ex gf) because we have actual emotionsz Therefore it’s easier to gaslight us (I’m saying this assuming you know what gaslighting is).

ino_y · 2019-11-17T22:10:54+00:00

Person A (abuser) tests Person B to see if they're susceptible to gaslighting, doubting themselves, being super agreeable, willing to change their mind easily, willing to hand over their power, with a small test.

Person B grew up with normal parents who let them have a firm sense of Self, who never lied, tricked, interrogated or otherwise mindfucked them.

Person B looks at A in confusion and says "No you're wrong, go away, you seem kind of absurd" (or they just sense it, and distance themselves, because they're healthy).

Person A finds a new victim, C. Person C grew up with a personality disordered parent who frequently thought C was a clone of themselves, or never listened when the child described their preferences, opinions, ideas and dreams. They argued with and denied who C was, as an actual person. Person C lost their sense of Self, and let a disordered person define their Reality. They have weak boundaries and had their protective instincts beaten or berated out of them. It feels familiar to have someone tell you what to do, who you are, and what's Really going on, because you're so forgetful and don't know who you are, or how to protect yourself. C thinks that the way to earn love is to have no boundaries and let someone else tell you all about your Self.

But it aint right, it feels gross, and you catch on. or go insane.

ritablueboys1 · 2019-11-17T20:01:45+00:00

The gaslighting was so bad that I failed out of school

throwawaybippitybop · 2019-11-18T03:46:16+00:00

In a nutshell: Invalidating your experience

They will say _

"You are over reacting"

"I didn't say that"

"Why would I do that?!"

"Calm down"

"No I didn't"

"What are you talking about"

To self check if you are being gaslit - think - "Are my feelings being neutralised, over ruled discredited or negated."

grimreapersdtr · 2019-11-18T02:46:59+00:00

I think another good way to explain it is as "rewriting history".
When someone clearly says one thing, or an event happens and you both witness it-- and not long after this same person insists he never said that thing, or that the event you both witnessed never happened. It's like he thinks he can re-write history, and if you dare to question his version of history, you're immediately accused of being "crazy" "stupid" "insane" "scatterbrained" "airhead" "delusional" "forgetful". You might eventually question your own judgement, or wonder if his "history" was "the correct version" and that you really ARE crazy. In reality, you were right all along, and he probably also knew you were right as well.

ritablueboys1 · 2019-11-17T20:00:31+00:00

Because they knew that deep down i knew and tried to make me feel like i was crazy even though they were outright emotionally abusive. Even my dreams were telling me something was wrong. But let me piss them off, they'd try even harder to rope me back in by making their abuse my fault and my pick me ass was apologizing!

Ms_Tilly · 2019-11-18T00:47:25+00:00

Gaslighting is the reason I started hitting record every time my ex started up with his shit. It's legal where I live. I was able to hear everything that was said in fits of rage. One time he denied something so well AFTER I had heard it recorded that I almost doubted the recording. I left him because of a recording. He would say so many things that I couldn't keep up in real time, but I caught him telling me he didn't care what I had asked him not to do, he was going to do it anyway. I permanently ended the relationship a day after listening to that.

I mean I should've ended it a lot sooner, but the situation was that I had moved into his lower (not with him) and was just a little bit trapped for the moment. I moved out after four months. It got that bad. He stupidly thought I was stuck and let all the crazy out.

Title	Why the hell do they gas light ????
Author	jennifaapham878
Upvotes	24
Comments	16
Date	November 17, 2019 3:52 PM UTC (6 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/dxo529/why_the_hell_do_they_gas_light/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/why-the-hell-do-they-gas-light.688295 https://theredarchive.com/post/688295

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