Does anyone else experience 'emotional' misogyny and have tips on how to combat it?

MelissaMiranti · 2023-08-18T06:10:24+00:00

Keep reminding yourself that people aren't their categories. It's about individuals. Your family members aren't responsible for what someone else did to you. They're entirely different people.

Avrangor · 2023-08-18T13:04:28+00:00

You seem aware that women aren’t inherently bad or evil. You are able to criticize your emotions and think logically instead. I think that’s a great virtue. I also have negative thoughts about women based on my experiences with them but I can remind myself that women aren’t their gender and thus I get along with women fine. Though I might have it easier than you because I’m aromantic therefore I don’t need to make myself too vulnerable when interacting with women.

Your feelings though you could technically call them misogyny they are more like a phobia. It’s like being scared of dogs or spiders, you can’t help it even if the dog is tiny and the spider not venomous. I think therapy might help you get over your phobia though I can’t talk from experience. I don’t think you’ll face judgement too much seeking help because you already acknowledge your feelings as untrue, so there might be more sympathy for your case.

Current_Finding_4066 · 2023-08-18T06:43:41+00:00

What you are describing does not sound like misogyny. It sounds like you developed a phobia due to bad experiences.

You can try talking to a psychotherapist.

MissDaphneAlice · 2023-08-18T19:33:20+00:00

If you point out men's issues, you're automatically a misogynist.

If a woman says all men are shit in public because she had a bad experience, it's celebrated.

It's the double standards.

Cheetahfan123 · 2023-08-18T07:37:55+00:00

It is sometimes normal to be frustrated and let out your feelings

No-Knowledge-8867 · 2023-08-18T10:21:24+00:00

a dislike of women, but one that you recognise is not rational

However, I have just had so many negative personal experiences with the opposite sex that it's become a bit like the mythical dog that bites. When your hand's been snapped off too many times, it doesn't matter how many times people tell you dogs are cute and friendly, or indeed how often you observe the same dog being lovely and cuddly with someone else. They've bitten you so instinctively you're wary and react to them negatively.

If you've had so many negative experiences, is it irrational?

I think it's okay to rationalise your distaste not as being in women but in being with a certain type of woman. Even then, I think you can bring it back to how society allows or encourages the treatment of men. I watched a Mark Manson video earlier talking about compassion, and he mentioned Hanlon's Razor - 'Never attribute to malice that which can be adequately explained by ignorance.' Women are ignorant of men's experience because society doesn't teach them to be anything other than that. Yes, you can have a dislike for women who perpetuate that ignorance of the male experience, but how many of them do that because they've also been bitten by a male dog. In that case, is their distaste of men irrational?

I think the best thing we can do is try to share an understanding of what the male experience is with women in our lives that we trust with that information so that they can share with other people they trust, and in turn try to show compassion and understanding to other who also might have been bit by the dog. Which really, in one way or another, is most of us.

We might have the tougher job to do that, but sometimes that's just the hand you're dealt.

mr_nihilus · 2023-08-18T07:14:14+00:00

I had a similar phase a year ago. I ended my friendships with all the women I know because of this. Whenever I get closer to a woman, I feel like misogyny comes back for me. Right now I'm pretty rational but the price is being lonely.

International-Pool29 · 2023-08-18T08:10:37+00:00

Also get rid of the sensationalism and over-moralizing, misogyny is no less impactful than misandry, from a holistic perspective, both attitudes if left unchecked, can lead to dangerous and discriminatory attitudes against the sexes

Enzi42 · 2023-08-18T14:20:09+00:00

Bad experiences can indeed shape a person into distrusting and even fearing another group of people. That's just human nature and is a survival mechanism so there is no fault there.

Where there is a potential for fault is if you allow that to turn from simple and understandable wariness into outright hate and it starts to affect your interactions with women. There is no excuse for active misogyny or misandry, regardless of one's past experiences.

It sounds cliche, but I would advise simply treating each woman as a case-by-case encounter and go from there. You could perhaps be slightly wary, maybe be a little more guarded until you are sure you are dealing with a trusted person...but when you are sure, simply enjoy the relationship (whether it is a friend or partner or something else).

I do think that men and women are different (and in some cases I will not hesitate to draw a rigid us vs them line between us when I feel it is absolutely necessary). But outside of those unpleasant niche moments, I simply treat them the way I treat most other people. I am guarded and wary at first but gradually relax as they prove trustworthy.

It's not much but I hope it helps.

meemsqueak44 · 2023-08-18T15:05:27+00:00

If you’ve been treated badly, it makes sense to be upset and feel some resentment. But it shouldn’t extend to an entire group. Statistically speaking, it’s likely those people were all right-handed. But it seems silly to judge all right-handed people for the actions of the subset you’ve had bad experiences with. Therapy is helpful for moving past this type of thing. But honestly the best thing you can do is keep living your life, do your best to treat people well, and be clear about how you expect to be treated in return.

Trash_Golem · 2023-08-18T21:23:59+00:00

You're not alone on this. That's why I was relieved to find this community - I believe most "evil" comes from trauma or ignorance - nothing innate. Everybody deserves empathy, even the ones you dislike. I've found it hard to connect with some other leftists because they will agree with this statement, but then generalize and stereotype men in their next sentence.

When I was very young, the court system placed me with my physically and emotionally abusive mother over my even-keeled father despite expressing my fear of her to multiple adults. Nobody ever believed me about the things she did later in life either, not even close friends. Same thing with a female stalker I had while dating in my younger years.

I am 32 now and doing well, and I have a large circle of male friends who I am close enough with to group hug with after gatherings. Despite a good amount of previous partners, practicing meditation, talking to a therapist who is a woman for years, using drawing and art as therapy, and even trying an array of SSRIs and psychedelics at different points in my life to tackle my PTSD, I am ashamed to admit women still largely make me uncomfortable.

Very few fellow leftists have been understanding when I explain this to them. I try hard not to rub it in anybody's face or let it affect my behavior professionally or personally, but it fills me with dread and rage when I hear people who are supposed to be empathetic and considerate of "intersectionality" victim blaming and reinforcing the same social and cultural norms which allowed my traumatic experiences to be dismissed or minimized my entire life.

There are others you understand your experiences. Much love, brother.

Comrade9841 · 2023-08-19T20:10:07+00:00

I was bullied by this group of girls in high school who were talking shit about me behind my back. Long story short, they caused me to cut myself, end up in a mental hospital, and lose multiple friends, two of whom were my closest friends. They're the reason why I feel so negatively towards women.

ClurverNerv · 2023-08-18T06:49:58+00:00

I would start from a place of empathy. Realize that the mythical dog that bites has had one hell of a hard life, has survived horrific treatment, and is deeply mistrustful. That may not necessarily be your fault, but it's not the dog's either. If you don't know about the horrific treatment, hardships, grinding unrelenting unfairness, etc., educate yourself about it. The information is out there. And if that mythical dog already mistrusts you, there are others that are less jaded and will give you a fair shake. Figure out where they are likely to be and make yourself available. Give yourself permission to make mistakes, forgive yourself for them, and learn from them. There's a reason one of feminists' favorite things to say lately seems to be "do better." I have to believe that's not an empty phrase.

Remember that feminism is not monolithic. There is plenty of disagreement among self-identified feminists. You can absolutely take the best ideas and leave the worst ones. There's no law that says you have to agree with everything that anyone says just because they call it feminism (or socialism or anything else). I think you can do that and still sympathize broadly with the feminist ideal — "the radical notion that women are people."

Remember also that dogs are not made to be cute and friendly. They are made to survive. Survival takes strength, resolve, perseverance, and grit. Those are admirable qualities just as worthy of your love as being affectionate is.

ArmchairDesease · 2023-08-22T07:45:00+00:00

I'd recommend finding as much time as possible to deepy listen to yourself to understand where these feelings come from. It could be through psychoterapy, meditation or writing a personal journal. In my case, this "emotional misoginy" stemmed from some questionable relationships with my female family members during childhood. They screwed with my conceptualization growing up, and made me internally associate femininity with negative traits (bullying attitude, narcissism, vanity...).

Once you've done that, a very good thing you could do is to add more examples of femininity to your cognitive environment by hanging out with female friends you like and share some interest with. Your subconscious will eventually stop associating womanhood with those bad internalized experiences.

Title	Does anyone else experience 'emotional' misogyny and have tips on how to combat it?
Author	FlexMissile99
Upvotes	52
Comments	23
Date	August 18, 2023 1:51 AM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/LeftWingMaleAdvocates
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/LeftWingMaleAdvocates/comments/15u6s6b/does_anyone_else_experience_emotional_misogyny/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/LeftWingMaleAdvocates/does-anyone-else-experience-emotional-misogyny-and.1228871 https://theredarchive.com/post/1228871

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