Finding courage as a modern man

hshsgdve · 2023-03-16T01:58:19+00:00

The courage to politely say “no” and walk away.

This approach terrifies radicals and propagandists.

thepogopogo · 2023-03-15T23:58:07+00:00

For me, to deal with trauma and start building myself back up, I used three things, meditation, philosophy, and martial arts. I accept that martial arts aren't for everyone, but I lived in a dangerous place, so the fitness, confidence and comradery was useful. Meditation is hard, but invaluable, learning to be aware of and control your breathing, your body, and your thoughts, it's a powerful tool towards self healing, control and confidence. Philosophy is extremely useful, as mentioned by others, it gives insight into different ways of thinking and being, and can provide explanation and guidance in an otherwise empty and seemingly meaningless world. I hope this helps.

WesternIron · 2023-03-15T23:19:18+00:00

As someone said, philosophy. In particular Stoicism and Virtue Ethics(you may get some religious interpretations though).

MSHUser · 2023-03-15T23:58:30+00:00

I'll throw my 2 cents. It's definitely hard to find that courage and I've actually had a point in my life where I was trying to find that. Back in college, I was struggling with dating and none of the people around me would give me practical advice that I could put to good use. So I stumbled upon material that talks about masculinity (what masculinity is, how to live a life in a masculine way, and how you can adopt it into your life.) However, there aren't really clear cut answers for that. A lot of modern material you see today is mostly about 'toxic masculinity' and why you shouldn't do it.

So these articles would tell me to watch videos that were made in the 80s (where men were the more masculine one), but after seeing a couple of them, while I do see clear examples of masculinity, there's also examples of problematic masculinity nd tropes present in these shows that in order to learn healthy masculinity while watching the 80s media, you'd need to separate the wheat from the chaff and having done just that throughout my life, it's very fucking hard to do especially when you don't know much about it.

So we would need modern examples of masculinity and not the toxic kind. One show I can recommend is Cobra Kai. The entire show explores all parts of the male experience and masculinity including the philosophies that can make you toxic and ones that can make you healthy, especially when applied correctly. Unfortunately, that's pretty much one of the proper examples of today's show that discusses modern masculinity I can find.

NOTE: I know I used the word 'masculinity' a lot and so I just want to say this. I'm not talking about trying to confirm to a rigid gender role of how 'a man is supposed to be' but what I am saying that there are practical steps you can take to help you become more courageous, confident & see clearly what that looks like. The masculinity videos I watch that I like is more about building confidence, competence in a hard skill, the ability to face your fears and reach your goals, and living the life you want to live while being realistic with your goals. I'm not talking about fucking 100 girls, making but loads of money, buying fancy cars, acting alpha or macho, being the initiator all the time, hyperagency, as those examples to me are shallow standards of masculinity that confirms you to the rigid gender role.

Anyways OP, I hope this helps.

Maffioze · 2023-03-15T22:18:08+00:00

Maybe you could find some help in philosophy?

househubbyintraining · 2023-03-15T23:20:44+00:00

When I was in a similar boat as you, I started writing and world building and developing my own philosophy through a con-religion to develop a perception of myself.

But what really is helping me at the present, is researching emotions through bridging the gap between the philisophical interpretations and psychological interpretation of shame, guilt, fear, and pride. And its really enlightening stuff, especially to my behaviors as a child abuse experiencer myself. I've also done some personal work with masculinity by decontructing my conception of it. Has helped me rembrace it, when I once rejected it.

Not a weird question btw, I'm sure a lot of us come from a similar experience as you, and I think it's beneficial to talk about.

UpstairsPass5051 · 2023-03-16T02:13:48+00:00

Yeah it's interesting. Mass media still seem to be pushing for strong women, but I've personally noticed a rapid shift from women in concern for men and especially boys. So I try to just ignore the media and recognize that women at least seem to care. I am increasingly convinced the issue is decreasing testosterone levels and porn, since chronic masturbation decreases the effects of testosterone on the brain. If we focus on quitting porn and increasing testosterone and women will respect us again

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