I need advice

Mustard_The_Colonel · 2024-01-13T18:49:45+00:00

Goto therapy my dude. Sounds like a lot of happened on your life that is shit. Reddit hot tips aren't going to cut it you need to work with professional to help you unpack all that trama in safe and supportive way. Go to actually therapist though none of that better help crap. All the best

Dashing2025 · 2024-01-13T23:23:41+00:00

Hi OP,

I'm really sorry to hear all this; as others have mentioned, you must consult a therapist/relative as face-to-face interactions cannot be supplemented or replaced by reddit communications.

Besides that, I would highly recommend developing a routine-like lifestyle, I know this might sounds like boomer-nonsense, but I believe it holds great merit: the standard blueprint of college->work->family->retirement provides us with a life that is stable and predictable, and that factor cannot be ignored in terms of its capacity of well-being.

flaumo · 2024-01-13T19:09:47+00:00

I am really sorry about your mother dying and you being lonely, this hurts.

I would go off social media, or at least block all redpill, manosphere, incel content. You need to constantly click ‚not interested‘ to free your feed from this.

Also forget about your druggy coworkers, stay clean and healthy. Drugs will exacerbate every mental health issue you have.

Also try to find some positive people who like you and are willing to listen. Do not focus on finding a partner yet, you can not force this, and you need to be happy by yourself before you can have a good mature relationship.

Try to focus on your career and hobbies that are positive, maybe something outdoorsy if you life in the countryside.

I am sorry that you are in such a bad state, try to pull through and work consistently on yourself, maybe with the help of an understanding therapist. It might take a few years but is worth it.

Gonalex · 2024-01-14T00:26:04+00:00

Therapy therapy and only therapy. So much of the insecurities so many of us men go through are because of toxic masculine role models like Tate. Having tons of money and fucking bitches doesn't make you a man. Being man enough to be there for your loved ones, to be there for your kids emotionally, to be there for YOURSELF and love yoruself for the man you ARE not society expects you to be. I'm 5 foot 6 and had sex really late, early 20s. The amount of shit I did these previous years chasing some idiotic idea i had of masculinity ruined me. I wish I went to therapy ages ago to realize why I didn't feel enough, and how skewed my view of masculinity one. My advice is stay here, and realize how flawed the male stereotype is but try to avoid victimizing yourself too much because this sub sometimes does that to itself, which makes sense, we all want to finally air out our stories without any judgement. We are here for you brother but don't ever think we can replace therapy, please go get it, no shame in it. Lots of love.

trowaway123453199 · 2024-01-14T02:30:33+00:00

m8 i really would like to parrot therapy like a lot of people do, but no, if you are a guy in the rural south, chances are you cant afford it, or at the very least have to be extremely careful with who you are choosing as a therapist, so to a large extent, you will have to take this on your own hands.

and there is a lot of stuff that i could say about the manosphere and how reliable or unreliable they are based on my own experiences, but that would be it, my own experiences as a guy living in a completely different environment, context, past experiences etc, so what you need to do is choose for yourself, not me, not your friend/crush, not your past group of friends or coworkers, but you and only you.

However, you cant choose well if you are not in a good headspace and you can't be in a good headspace if you don't get in a position to make the right choices or at least minimize the negative parts of your environment enough to at least try and be more objective, and mental illness never lets your thinking be correct, much less helpful, hence why a therapist would be useful, cause changing your mind or at least help you change your mind in the right direction is their job, but there is a lot you can do on your own.

i always recommend the youtube channel HealthyGamerGG, the first thing the guy would say its that is a not a substitute for therapy and he is right, but some of his content could lead you in a better direction, and maybe it will give you more answers, or at the very least will change your mind in a couple of subjects.

MachoManShark · 2024-01-14T02:52:22+00:00

the others here are right, most guys who call themselves 'red-pill' are misanthropic and will not help you. their ideas about masculinity are very limited and exclusionary. they don't respect the wide variety of men that not only exist, but are necessary for a functional society.

your feed shows you stuff like what you've watched before. my youtube feed is all fitness, gaming, and history stuff. it might take a while, but you can change what gets shown to you.

i can't really say whether or not what they say about women is true; some of it is, some of it isn't. whether that's good or bad depends mainly on how you see it. some guys like most women, some don't. just note that aggressive men with lots of money tend to attract women who like those things. the guys telling you this is what all women like probably have a skewed perspective.

plus, there's the fact that there's 4,000,000,000 women on earth. even if most are a certain way, that still leaves lots who are different.

this is both good and bad. some of those differences will make them more compatible with you (both for friendships and romance), some differences will make them less compatible.

another note of actionable advice, i think you might be the kind of person who would benefit a lot from training a combat sport. obviously, i can't tell much from a reddit post, but i think that could help ameliorate your insecurities and provide access to friend who have healthy lifestyles. on top of all that, there's the simple fact that exercise benefits mental health.

congrats on the new job. i'm looking to get my first soon, and it's pretty daunting.

Sydnaktik · 2024-01-15T00:29:19+00:00

A lot of people here mention therapy and they're right. But therapy only helps with your feelings. It doesn't help fix your life (except that helping with your feelings can help with your life).

Generally, being "friends" with a girl that you're attracted to but she's not attracted to you back is extremely unhealthy.

From what you're saying it seems like you're not just getting into Red Pill but you're also moving into Black Pill territory. Black Pill ideology is extremely harmful.

A lot of people will tell you that they're just wrong and stupid and liars. But in my limited experience with people who have been sucked it, this isn't helpful advice. The fact is that there IS some truth to what they say. But the reality is far more complex and subtle than the oversimplification that you can from Red Pillers and Black Pillers.

The problem comes with trying to sort through it and uncover the half truths, and subtle errors in the ideology. It's just too hard.

Short, poor and ugly guys get with attractive women all the time. It's very uncommon but it happens. This proves that there's something wrong with the ideology.

To get rid of these ideology it's enough to just tell yourself, I know it's wrong, I can see proof of that in the real world. Yes, there are things they say that is true in some way, but they don't offer the proper context, so it's best to ignore it altogether.

I don't recommend trying to fight it by trying to believe in the opposite of what they say. The opposite of what they say is just as wrong. Because the problem is that reality is very subtle and complicated.

Usually, people fall into these ideologies because they feel that whatever it is that they're doing isn't working. And these are the only sources of information that at least pretend to offer positive solutions.

In terms of offering advice that provides solution, it's hard, because I don't think there is a one size fits all. But from what you've said, it seems to me (and I could be wrong) that the best path for you is to focus on yourself first. Learn how you can build a happy life without relying on anyone else. That's your foundation. Then you can look into finding others to rely on to make your life even better.

In terms of being weak, thin and "not man enough". It's a scam, nobody is ever strong, muscular and man enough. Pick any guy, and there's going to be a stronger, more muscular or more manly guy just around the corner.

Instead of judging yourself based on how others will see you (which is a huge mistake because there will always be those who will intentionally judge you poorly and use the insecurity that creates to manipulate you), judge yourself based on how you want to see yourself, and primarily in terms of how your are now versus to how you were before.

So if YOU feel that you're too thin and not "man enough". Then consider what small steps you can take to be a bit more muscular and a bit more manly. Don't compare yourself to other men, only compare yourself to how you were before. It's a much easier bar to pass.

In terms of being more manly. Try and decide for yourself what that means to you, instead of letting others tell you what that is. Although listening to others explain what they think it means can help you give you ideas. But there's a wide variety of interpretations of masculinity, which includes things like intellectualism or poetry and deep connection to your emotional and spiritual self.

Then, once you've made some progress, consider how much effort it was to make this much progress and how important that progress was to you vs other things going on in your life. And based on that you can set yourself some reasonable goals on how you can improve in terms of your masculinity.

But it's important that if you're trying to be more masculine it's based on what you want, and not based on expectations others are putting on you.

Red Pill/Black Pill will try to convince you that you can only be successful in romance if you're hyper masculine. But that's not true, plenty of women are into guys with lots of feminine traits.

Personally speaking, that was a problem for me. While I didn't care that much about being masculine, I did care that women were into me for my masculine traits, not my feminine traits. So I worked to present myself as more masculine.

Red Pill / Black Pill are extremely narrow sighted in terms of what they say will help you be successful at attracting women. The truth is that there is a much wider array of ways to achieve success. However, it doesn't mean that you can achieve success without putting any effort into it. It also doesn't mean that putting effort into it will guarantee success if you're not paying attention to whether those efforts are effective or not.

So what I'm trying to say here is: pick a direction that you feel comfortable with, but be smart about it, because you're still going to need to figure out how to make it work.

And that may require trial and error. And trial and error often means moving on to a different girl if your attempts haven't been fruitful.

You may see "advice" coming from the anti-red pill side who will see as an "incel" and imply that your problem is that you don't treat women with respect and don't see them as people. I really doubt this is the situation with you. My intuition says, that men who have that particular problem will have tried with dozens of different women in a short period of time without any success at all.

But I suspect that's not your situation, I think your situation is that you haven't tried to make a connection with enough different women. And what I mean here, is that if YOU try to make a genuine connection with a dozen different women in a short period of time, I think you'd be very likely to find some success.

But I will re-iterate. It seems like success with women isn't what you need most right now. What you need most right now is to feel better about yourself. And you don't need women to do that. Well... getting a girlfriend will help you feel better about yourself, but it only fixes the part about not feeling well because you don't have a girlfriend. Don't trick yourself into believing that getting a girlfriend will make you feel better about yourself in all of the ways.

BKEnjoyerV2 · 2024-01-15T03:03:06+00:00

I empathize with you because I thought up until pretty recently that that red pill realist doomer dating/romance/sex stuff was true. But I think it’s just a tendency not a total fact now, you should just keep putting yourself out there and experiencing things (even though I don’t do this myself despite my struggles and lack of social experience lol)

higgster2000 · 2024-01-15T01:02:04+00:00

Thank you everyone for the awesome advice. I really appreciate everyone's support and honest opinions and it's been really helpful ❤️

Skirt_Douglas · 2024-01-15T18:23:16+00:00

Get the fuck off social media now. As soon as you find yourself doom scrolling make a point to try and make yourself do something. Even if that just means playing video games, do it, it’s waaaaay more healthy soon scrolling. I know exactly what you are talking about, rhetoric like this sticks in your mind and next thing you now manifests as intrusive thoughts that make you miserable, so you have to cut it at the source. Start thinking about rewarding was you can spend your time, and work on diverting your attention to those things when you feeler compelled to doom scroll. For starters, delete the apps. I don’t even have the Reddit app on my phone. I think this sub and all you on here are wonderful, but toxicity in society media has just been too much for me and I’ve had to take action.

Title	I need advice
Author	higgster2000
Upvotes	27
Comments	16
Date	January 13, 2024 2:45 PM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/LeftWingMaleAdvocates
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/LeftWingMaleAdvocates/comments/195pi5f/i_need_advice/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/LeftWingMaleAdvocates/i-need-advice.1242879 https://theredarchive.com/post/1242879

Comments