Why men never understand it when they get harrassed or abused by women

throwaceornotaceblob · 2022-03-21T11:52:04+00:00

Cultural pressure of "men are supposed to spread their seed at every opportunity so they would do anything to do that".
Peer envy (thirsty peers who think being sexually abused by a woman is lucky).
Socio-biological brainwashing of seeing every woman as incapable of evil due to the "probably always pregnant" and "mother association" effect.
Women are less noticeable so their evil is less noticeable in general.
Binary thinking. "If I see men as being violent, then women are not violent."
Cultural pressure of "don't be human and instead be a useful function and don't have emotions and let other people live better lives at your expense".
Fear of pregnancy creating a very anti-male environment where men are seen as aggressors so they are denied help because some people secretly hope the "aggressors" will die out, resulting in men not seeking help anymore.
Expectations of men always being tough to attract basic women. An abused man is somehow less attractive for them?
Bashing of men talking about abuse by women as "misogyny" because of the empathy gap due to many people seeing men as dangerous by default leading to men not opening up anymore.
Competitive dynamics among male groups with internalized misandry and/or misogyny and/or misanthropy leading to hiding emotions and pain in order not to look weak. Jungle mode.

Or they are just so used to it they don't feel it anymore.

politicsthrowaway230 · 2022-03-21T12:06:29+00:00

It's a weird situation - we're all aware of how male victimisation by women isn't uncommon, but we're still confronted with the fact that while we have an endless supply of stories from women victimised by men, (which are important) we have vanishingly few coming from men victimised by women.

To speculate on the reasons: (I talk specifically about cis men, I am not sure about trans men)

Sorry if this is fragmented, this is just a bunch of ideas

We usually see women in a less sinister light than men. We might see a woman groping a man as "just a girl having fun", something that both parties may well laugh off. But reverse the genders, the mental image is suddenly much different, and the guy necessarily carries a creepy aura.
The culture is there for women to speak up, this is helped by stuff like #MeToo. Women who speak up may face the usual detraction and victim-blaming, but they can also expect a great deal of support as well. This support network does not really exist with men, and #MeToo largely concentrated on the evils of men against women, not really entertaining the opposite situation. Indeed, men may be subject to further verbal abuse speaking up about their situation, possibly because it's seen that they're drawing a false equivalence between their experience and that of women. Of course, this is the fault of the over-abstraction/intellectualisation of abuse that radical feminism breeds.
Misandristic tropes might come into play. Someone may rationalise their experience with the idea that men are always willing for sex, maybe on some level they wanted it. They may think that their erection is evidence that they wanted it. This is a reason given by several men in the study below.
People largely do not recognise that men can be victimised by women. A lot of the time the thought is "well, technically it's possible, but it hardly ever happens". Men are told "not to worry" because it isn't something that happens to men. So they might be less vigilant as to the signs of domestic abuse, and not realise until they are head-deep in abuse and trapped. Men may also fear humiliation by the police, friends and family. Someone in the study below feared that this would be the case with him because he is black and his partner is white. (so links with racism)
Men are more likely to be victim-blamed and disbelieved. As I said earlier there isn't the culture of trust and believing the victim. If a man takes a while to report the abuse, it might be assumed they were enjoying it. Worse, if a woman is accused of abuse, she may attempt to reverse the situation by accusing him of abuse, and saying she was defending herself. And honestly, this may well work. Certain women attempt to silence their male victim by threatening to report them to the police for rape or abuse. People may just be sceptical that a 5ft woman could abuse a 6ft man. Of course, the disparity is levelled with a gun, knife or heavy object, (or just the things I mentioned earlier) but let's gloss over this.

The study: http://wp.lancs.ac.uk/forced-to-penetrate-cases/files/2019/07/BA-FTP-project-report-2019.pdf

There was this study that found that in a cohort of psychology students, the men usually had more sympathetic views of male rape victims than 25 years ago from the degree programme, but the women's attitudes had got significantly worse: see the links here https://np.reddit.com/r/FeminismUncensored/comments/tay1g8/judgments_about_male_victims_of_sexual_assault_by/ (the percentage that judged that the man enjoyed the incident went from 5% to 25%, for instance) This coincides with my anecdotal experiences, with progressives the ones that are most eager to over-intellectualise or actively erase the experiences of men. (Conservatives are mostly content just ignoring it, with only a small group on the far-right actually leveraging this)

shit-zen-giggles · 2022-03-21T13:16:49+00:00

They know that no one will help/do anything at best and at worst they themselves will get into trouble through defensive counter accusations by the woman which everyone will take as gospel the moment they are uttered.

source: Personal experience

This isn't a "man problem" it's a societal attitudes, norms and scripts problem

SpanishM · 2022-03-21T13:45:47+00:00

Well, I wouldn't say "never", because there are very different men.

I, for one, do not tend to follow absurd "expectations", or the herd. Indeed some of my friends say I'm kind of weird (in the good sense) regarding some issues. Other friends don't say that because they are as weird as me :)

But I understand that each one has different personality traits, and therefore, the things we do or don't do are different.

And it's true that -generally speaking- you'll get less help if you're harassed or abused by a woman, because "women are wonderful".

negotiator45 · 2022-03-25T18:17:19+00:00

The education system only tells girls hot be safe from that stuff and only tells boys to not do that stuff both of things needs to be taught to girls and boys

austin101123 · 2022-03-24T02:41:46+00:00

I didn't want to tell my friends in elementary school what my mom was doing to me because I wanted to be seen as normal.

Title	Why men never understand it when they get harrassed or abused by women
Author	Impressive_Male
Upvotes	33
Comments	17
Date	March 21, 2022 10:27 AM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/LeftWingMaleAdvocates
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/LeftWingMaleAdvocates/comments/tj8nk8/why_men_never_understand_it_when_they_get/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/LeftWingMaleAdvocates/why-men-never-understand-it-when-they-get.1210434 https://theredarchive.com/post/1210434

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