I was asked in an OYS a while back, “Do you think the change with your wife came naturally from a change of mindset mainly as a result of all the reading, or it came mainly from some specific ways you started to act differently or deal with things?”

This question is like asking "what came first: the chicken or the egg?"

I feel confident that every change my wife exhibited came about due to "specific ways I started to act differently or deal with things".

I also am confident that the "specific ways I started to act differently or deal with things" came about due to a "change in mindset".

But I can also say that prior to the "change in mindset", I spent quite a while faking the change in mindset that I learned from this place and the sidebar until the faking became a part of my actual mental models.

I'll give you an example using my approach to shit tests these past 15 months:

Prior to MRP, when I got a shit test, I didn't know what it was. I tried to argue my way out of it, plead my way out of it, back massage my way out of it. All to glorious and spectacular, pussy-drying effect.

Once I discovered MRP, I threw myself into the sidebar, the posts, the YouTube videos, everything. I learned how to recognize shit tests, but I was still clueless. So I did the easiest thing in response to shit tests, which was to simply shut the fuck up. This worked wonders. Shutting the fuck up is so much better than DEERing. And that is what I did. For months. At first, the silence would create a panic. My heart would feel like it was beating out of my chest. The silence was sickening. But then, 5 minutes later, my wife forgot whatever it was she was bitching about. It's like it never happened. So then I'd continue to STFU in response to these shit tests, which, while not being some huge display of higher value (DHV), it at least was not the sickening display of lower value (DLV) that DEERing was in the past.

Great, so I'm shutting the fuck up in response to shit tests, basically removing those DLVs I was consistently showing. I'm faking it at this point. I would literally tell myself, “That was a shit test, go ahead and STFU" inside my head. But after you do it 10 times, 20 times, etc. you aren't faking it so much anymore, it's just what you do. And what you do is who you are. So now I'm a man that does not DEER (DLV) and instead just STFU in response to shit tests.

Next, I "graduated" to faking amused mastery. It happened naturally. Once I had freed up some real estate in my head by having it just happen naturally, I was able to think of some funny responses. So in response to a shit test, I remember recognizing the shit test and consciously making fun of whatever it was. My wife stared at me for a few seconds, and then smirked, called me an asshole while grinning, and walked away. I thought, "woah I did it! Not only did I not DEER (DLV) but I actually responded with some amused mastery, and displayed high value." I was faking it but it worked nonetheless.

Now you do that 10, 20, 30 times. And at some point it clicks and its just part of who you are and what you do. You respond to shit tests with some sort of amused mastery, like agreeing and amplifying, or laughing out loud, or just STFU with a bemused look on your face cause you actually don't give a shit enough to be bothered to respond. All displays of high value.

So I went from DEERing (worst thing you can do) in response to a shit test: every. fucking. time. to a natural, congruent mix of agreeing and amplifying, STFU, looking at her like she is a 6 year old performing what she thinks is the world's most complex ballet act, etc. And it just happens now. But it didn't before.

So the TL;DR response to the question is: yes.