36yo, (poor first attempt at bulking in these months) 162-180#, 12-18%bf, big 3 lifts between 6-700#

This is a description of my early stage efforts to develop better game, my own interpretations of what I've learned and a solicitation for feedback and poking from you all.

I live in a small town and for the most part, I avoid escalation that goes beyond teasing, harmless touching, and innuendo with plausible deniability. I don't press for isolation, no bold physical or verbal moves. I have fun with women and all other people and I don't hide my sexuality in a nice guy shameful way. I have fun with my wife always but this I think is a lousy way to develop your game as a skill.

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2 nights in San Diego (February):

I accomplished very little here except to determine that my starting point was bad. I went out on two nights for a couple of hours each night and realized I had BAD approach anxiety. The first night I went out and could hardly talk with anyone except for the bartenders or say hi to women who made eye contact with me. In my mind, this was way different than approaching strangers in the day because if you're out at night approaching women in bars there's really no doubt what your looking to do. Looking back I remember regretting not approaching several groups of girls paired up together and a bachelorette party.

On the second night I made some actual approaches. All of these happened in a crowded nightclub where it was almost impossible not to interact. One was an extremely hot girl in what appeared to be a leather jacket and no other visible clothes. I asked her if she could introduce me to the pretty girl next to her. I think this genuinely hurt her feelings but it was kinda funny. Also, I introduced myself to some people grouped up, then another group came with some mutual acquaintances. Pretty soon, everybody in these two separate groups assumed I was part of the other group. This seemed useful and was very entertaining to me.

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2 nights in Nashville (March):

I was more thoughtful about my goal here (get a ton of approaches under my belt for the purpose of desensitization + general feedback on where I'm at). I looked online a found a bar that was doing country swing dancing lessons for night number 1. None of the girls there were attractive but the experience was fun and scary at first. There was a music festival going on on night 2. For my purposes, I decided I'd only approach women who were intimidatingly attractive by my standards. I stopped counting how many "approaches" after I got above 15.

A big payoff here was realizing how imaginary my fear of shame, embarrassment, or humiliation for approaching women was. The other realization was that I had some serious inner game weaknesses that did not match up with reality. I felt lots of guilt and shame about what I was doing, what would people think, what would these girls think if they knew my situation? what would my parents think, and my friends, and what would my wife think. How could I explain something like this to my kids? What do I think? Don't I loathe people who try to cheat on their spouses. Am I really going to consider cheating when the opportunity presents itself? Why on earth would I do that? Why on earth wouldn't I do that? I didn't get that far because of my own fear. Fear of escalating beyond the introduction+small talk and probably fear of actually getting to the edge of a cheating decision.

The only experience I had that came close to 'bad' was introducing myself to a girl alone and her friends swooped in to save her and they all had a giggle about it in front of me. I also came up to a couple in line for a bar and touched this girls arm to get her attention. Her friend screamed like they were about to get mugged and instead of freaking out an apologizing, I laughed and teased her. What's funny about this is that girls are actually really fucking nice about their rejections. Maybe that's why it IS painful is that you can pick up on their negative feelings; pity or whatever. On the other end of the spectrum, there was a group I introduced myself to who were getting in a car. They gave me a beer from the case they had in the trunk and took off but drove around the block and called out to me, asking where I was from, was in town alone, if I was interested in coming to their friends birthday party at some bar.

I told objectively boring anecdotal stories in a fun and energetic way. I avoided all talk that I considered trying to qualify myself. For instance, I downplayed my job where I'm successful but when asked, I expressed genuine passion and excitement about what I was doing earlier that day for work. As girls offered up information about their lives, I asked about how they felt about these things instead of logistics, interview type questions. 0 women asked about my wedding ring but all women eventually started staring at it like it was glowing. The most attractive girl I talked to was so beautiful and sweet she did not belong in the bar I found her in. She appeared to be enamored and delighted with me coming up to her and I pretty quickly bounced, deciding that I didn't want to subject this sweet beautiful girl to my scummy, adulterizing behavior. And holy shit, I still have a madonna/whore complex. Fuck.

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4 Nights Austin (May):

In between this trip and my last I had a lot of one off 'approaches' with pretty young girls. It's not like it's easy now but the anxiety that creeps up became recognizable and I started to view it more like a signal that this was going to be exciting.

If I made eye contact with a girl, I would waste no time in saying something or beginning to move in her direction but I would take my time getting there. Not go fast and directly at her. If I did not make eye contact but still wanted to approach a girl from behind or something I would firmly squeeze her upper arm or shoulder and say hi. In my experience, and maybe it's in my head, there is a loooong pause in this kind of approach where she doesn't know if she's supposed to recognize you or what you're going to say and if you can just stay relaxed and let it pass you quickly end up in a situation that's very exciting for everybody. I started to be deliberate with my posture prior to Austin (shoulders back, chest out, relaxed and cognizant of whether or not I was squaring up with or pointing my body away from people as I talked with them).

On my first night in Austin I approached a few dozen women, mostly coupled up (per fuccfiles). There were these girls on the street outside of a bar that I started talking to and the bouncer there came out and started offering the girls drinks. I said we'd all come in if he gave me a beer too and he agreed. If I didn't mention it before, I wouldn't almost never drink while doing this stuff. At first, that would feel so weird to go out and not drink but eventually it feels like a superpower to be going out to bars and staying sober.

While I talked to these girls, a guy came up to approach them and after talking with him and his friends for a while I essentially just joined their group for the rest of the evening. This was a pretty good choice for getting a lot of experience miles out of my night. Me and these guys in their 20's approached a ton of women at this and several other bars throughout the night. Not only did I get to do all of my own experimentation with storytelling, asking questions, body language and touch but I got to observe a lot of these guys' experience as well. How I would describe the game I was experimenting with would be "seeing what kind of 'negative' behavior I could get away with and escalating it". This was for touch, evasiveness with questions, teasing, and insisting on changing venues or topics.

Near the end of the night. There were 4 of us guys hanging out with these two locals and everyone was talking about where to go for food. One of the guys had decided he was interested in the hot one and basically would not let her leave his "hugging from behind" embrace. I think because I was older, sober, and the group outsider, these girls were both auditioning for the role of my Austin tour guide for the rest of my trip. We were in a bar that was basically empty and they were arguing with each other on either side of me, yelling about the best places to eat and rubbing their tits all over either side of my body while the one got hugged on from behind by the other guy. I peaced out at this time because I thought I was going to feel lousy if I ended up cock blocking this guy. I regret not seeing if I could've gotten this girls phone number.

Night number two included more of this behavior, several phone numbers, a girl slid her hand down inside my pants, another girl gave me very clear signals to kiss her and a girl tickled and pinched me so hard it left marks on me. You know what I told my wife "This girl who was at the bars when I was out tickled and pinched me so hard it left these marks!" I remember one girl asking me to set a water bottle down for her on the bar and I did cus why not and then I could basically smell her disappointment in this moment. It was like a shit test cartoon from a red pill encyclopedia.In the process of chatting girls up I started to get very playfulwith not telling them things about myself or asking them to let me guess things about them (like where they're from) then I'd look them up and down, examine their jewelry, touch them all over and narrow it down to (doesn't matter, just make it fun). This is the night were I realistically could've been fucking other girls. And that's kinda what I set out to measure (6 evenings of focusing on game, approaching and escalating with strangers).

I also happened upon and helped to break up a fight that involved a guy who's basically a celebrity in my professional circle and closed down the bars with him. After the almost fight, I got to watch this guy (who is in his late 50's) get the peppy le pew treatment from an incredibly hot girl in her 20's (straddling him, draping herself over him, taking selfies with him). She talked with him about setting him up with her mom, he talked with her about his multiple wives (I have no idea if that's true). Both were communicating with each other very differently, but clearly, in how they were touching each other. All of this was in front of her fiancee who was a tall, attractive, nice, bradley cooper looking dude. It was absolutely insane.

Third night was more of the same. It was the first time being married really got pressed on by some girls:

Her "Are you married? Or do you just wear that to pick girls up?"

Me "I'm flattered, but I cant get married to you."

Her "Are you married?"

Me "I'm not marriage material."

Eventually it was just "Yes, of course I'm married, don't feel like talking about it." + strained uncomfortable smile. This shit really killed my mood. And in the grand scheme of things, I determined I wouldn't want to start going in this direction unless I become tremendously more comfortable with it. Having said all the, the girls were not that upset about it, if anything they were excited about their indignation over this. The smallest of them I actually threw over my shoulder and carried her from bar to bar along with the occasional spanking while we hung out. There were a couple of other very clear openings for getting laid.

By day four I was fucking exhausted. I had lunch with some construction workers who let me practice my shitty spanish and I had dinner with a couple of very fun but not hot black girls who happened to come into the bar I was in. My next trip is to DC later this Summer. Not sure what my plan is for that yet but I'll say I'm grateful and satisfied with what it's been like to deliberately put myself out there so far.