English is not my native language. This is my first post to the MRP and first FR so please kick my fresh ass. I swallowed the pill last August. I had a wall of text with victim puke ready to get posted but I figured out I would rather start with a FR. Here it is.

Yesterday evening, my wife told me she would have lunch today with her female cousin (her main current emotional support). Her train to the city would be leaving at 11:07 this morning. I told her I could drive her to the train station (25 minutes walk or 5 min drive from home) but this would happen while I would pick our youngest son from his music lesson near the train station, at around 10:30.

At 10:20 this morning I remind her I would leave at about 10:30. She angrily answers that she would probably not be ready. I tell her she'll have to walk to the train station if she's not ready in time because I would prefer not to drive back and forth twice and she can't park the car at the station. At 10:35 I stop waiting for her and get to the car. She sees that and shouts at me some angry words from the doorstep. I DGAF and drive and pick our son. I get back home with him at about 10:45. I change my mind while still in the car and tell our son to get inside and tell his mom I can eventually drive her to the train station. I changed my mind because she picks me from the station every Friday evening and I appreciate that. So she gets into the car and I drive her to the station in time.

I spend the day at home with the kids monitoring their homework and preparing birthday presents for their aunt (birthday party to happen tomorrow).

I pick her back from the train station in the evening. She's mostly silent with me. After dinner, the kids get into their bedrooms for the night. Then she starts speaking to me disrepectfully in the living room. I feel this is a shit test. For several months, I had just STFU when shit-tested but I feel like this is too cold and robot-like. I am afraid this hurts her ultra-low self-esteem too much. She's chronically anxious, depressed and a bit suicidal recently. I know she wants to separate but she does not dare acting or even asking for it (yet) but already mentioned the topic of separation. I've read WISNIFG and several posts about fogging, A&A and AM. So I decide to try fogging rather than just STFU.

So here she is bitching about how a bad husband I am to have dared telling her she would have to walk to the station because she was not ready in time. I answer that she must have really felt furious and she had some reason to feel so because she picks me from the station every Friday (attempt at fogging).

She keeps talking angrily at me and mentions how "things can't keep going this way in our marriage" so I decide to A&A and tell her (while smiling sarcastically) she must indeed have felt so furious and exhausted because of this long walk she had to do to and from the station (despite I indeed drove her there and back home in the evening).

This does not stop her (is A&A really compatible with sarcasm ?). She even gets furious now and hardly avoids yelling at me. She keeps bitching at me and mentions God during her verbal agression (" My God, what kind of game do you think you are playing with me ? "). So I try to push things even more : I show a smirky smile and interrupt her with something like " I already told you not to call me your God, this gets embarassing. "

She's now even more furious but this stops here. She shuts up while I quietly leave the living room. " Where do you think you are going ? " she asks with anger. I calmly answer her I am going to kiss our kids goodnight. I am still smiling.

When back to the living room before her, I expect some further escalation in anger, I think of plates she might start sending against the wall (she used to do this kind of things with her ex). So I start thinking about how to get ready to leave the house in order to lift without looking too much like fleeing her harpy behaviour. I start folding some clothes from the dryer while waiting for her to get back from the kids bedrooms. She calmly crosses the living room without saying a word (instead of escalating). So I feel relieved and start my bodyweight routine at home as I usually do (three times a week since end of August). Crisis over for tonight.

I am still very much acting in her frame (afraid of her reactions, feeling relieved when she does not escalate, etc.). But I observed my fogging then A&A had some stronger effects than just STFU : it stopped her escalation. But I am pretty sure this amplifies her usual victimization and feeds her masochism : she's in a deep life-long love with her ultra-low self-esteem and negative form of narcissism. I would like to find a A&A or AM-like technique that would also sound like a sincere compliment instead of a sarcasting neg, or that would let me attack myself so that she starts defending me instead of agressing me (this sometimes worked with her but not often while really being shit-tested). What do you think ?

That's it for my first FR, fellow captains. Thanks for your attention, ass-kicking advices to come or possible questions.