I wrote a few notes on this a while back, on my first night in a grim Airbnb, in a new city with a knife in my gut. A figurative knife that I could literally feel. After 11 months with a girl that was fully into me and/or the relationship, I’d ejected and moved on.

The odd thing is, I remembered that the sensation, though long forgotten, was instantly recognisable from my teenage years: I was heartbroken.

24 hours later I had a couple of dates and some more interesting matches lined up but we’d had a lot of fun in that year.

A young, hot, intelligent woman of means, that is obsessed with you, can surprise and delight you in ways you can’t imagine. If you happen to be married to that woman, then more power to you (but if you’re not then trust me: “Divorce Rape” isn’t real).

What worked:

Control, which I view as slightly different from dominance.

Those little compliance tests: “can you bring me over X please”, “bring me over X please”, “bring me X. Now”.

“What do you think you’re doing? Crawl to me”, “if you want to suck my dick, you have to beg”.

Cook for me, make me/buy me gifts, bring me this and that, wear this for me, beg for treats, show me how well behaved you are.

“You really expect me to do that?” Turned into eye rolls and sighs, then “why does this turn me on?” and eventually just the odd “you like pushing my boundaries” at unrelated times.

All shit tests, even the last one. Ignore.

What is new and intentional but garners good results, becomes natural in time.

The next tinderella was lugging pots and pans to that same shitty AirBnB and blew me after producing a decent meal.

An unnattractive man trying to control a woman is repulsive but an attractive man will become repulsive without Control.

Don’t hide in Indifference too long. Recognise when it’s time to move.