Edit

Here's what I learned from reading yalls' comments:

I don't know if her "reddit game" was a shit test or LMR, but I reacted negatively to it as opposed to being straight with what I wanted. I used it as an excuse to give up. I could have either given her the option to read reddit or have sex, or I could have just continued escalating. I'm such an idiot. Thank you.

I am 32 years old, married to my wife, and have been following this sub for about a year. We have a 1.5 year old and a 3 year old. I've been lifting for 6 months, read all the materials, and seen fantastic changes in myself and my wife since then. Obviously, I came here because I wanted more sex. My biggest behavioral changes since I began this journey have been:

  • no longer complaining about my life (including lack of sex and issues at work)
  • more positive and assertive disposition
  • simply having more fun with myself, with her and the kids
  • owning my sexuality, flirting with her, teasing her, maintaining frame with her.

It's been working. My wife recently sent me a text that read: "Your manliness turns me on. Don't stop going to the gym." Sex has increased from about 3 times a month to twice a week.

As of last night, we hadn't had sex in a week. My family was visiting and made it impossible. On our fist night alone, we were both exhausted as we sat on the couch after the kids were in bed and the place was cleaned up. I ordinarily would have initiated sex, but instead I said "bed time!" and we both crashed. The following night her family visited, so no sex. This brings us to last night.

I had entirely intended to initiate sex with her, and did all the shit required: playful teasing, ass grabbing as she walked by...all that. Out of the blue she says: "we need to have date night tonight" (Date night is her word for sex) because my aunt is coming over tomorrow night." She has never, ever said anything like this before. She has never displayed that kind of proactive behavior towards sex. Later that night she grabbed MY ass. I was like, 'what the fuck is going on here?" This has never happened in 5 years of marriage. Oh, and she was NOT ovulating.

As she is putting the kids down I am cleaning up our apartment, cleaning the dishes, etc. I do this because it needs to be done and it makes it easier for her to relax.

The kids are not getting to bed, its getting late, but I finally finish and wait for her in our bedroom. She pops her head in, makes a joke, and proceeds to spend the next 15 minutes cleaning more shit up. I am getting tired now. It's 10pm. She comes, lays down, and declares "10 minutes of reddit time"...which is our silly game of reading reddit posts to each other and cracking jokes. We do this for a few minutes, there is a lull in the conversation, and I begin touching her. She says, "that's not enough reddit, mister." While playful, its clear she is not ready. This annoys me.

Call me a whiny bitch, but I was kinda done jumping through hoops to make this happen. I disengage, remain pleasant, banter for a few minutes. She says "thanks for listening." it appears she is now ready, but I am tired as fuck. its 10.30pm. I tell her its now my bed time, she asks if I want a blowjob, but I told her no. I really just didnt given how tired I was and how I wasnt turned on because I had to run through a specific number of reddit posts to get her in the mood. If I were Bradd Pitt would she need that?...Yes, I know I am not Bradd Pitt. Still doesn't make me feel good.

She asks if we can "hold out till my aunt leaves?" I coyly ask, "can you?" she smiles and says yes, "but I don't have the urges that you do." I am glad she is aware of my needs.

Starting sex at 10.30pm is too late for me, and I wanted her to know that. I got up at 5am that morning to lift. Later, as we were heading to bed, I said "next time why don't you clean up after we have sex if you are ok staying up and are not tired?" she says, "ok. But i feel more comfortable when they are all done."

Did I handle this badly? Should I just have had sex even though I was tired? Was setting a time boundary like that inappropriate?

Thanks for your help.