Either it finishes you or it transforms you ~ Seneca

I had to replace the faucet in my kitchen sink. I dread such tasks. I have what my father called a machine curse. Hand to God when I try to fix anything it ends up more broke then before. Doesn't stop me from trying though.

As I tried to do this I started to get angry. Angry that not one situation I was encountering was like YouTube and books said it was. Everything was rusted, I was getting sick off penetrating oil fumes, And FUCK ME I couldn't fit under there any more. Shoulders too big, chest took wide. Temper was rising.

I never let loose though. I would be damned if among all this I lost my self control. Then I hit on an idea.

Take the sink off.

Extreme, I'll grant you, but in minutes the sink was off and I was on the back deck making serious progress. Temper gone, and the project looked to be nearing completion.

It might finish you.

All those things before weren't working. The advice, the books, the articles....it just isn't. So you came here. As you start this you are going to wonder if you can shorten the process. It's the male instinct. get to the goal as fast as possible. Maybe if you work harder? Maybe if someone would just listen to your feelings? GAWD wouldn't it be great if there was a real support group? If those Mods would just listen for once!!

Here's the thing. Without saying it what we are trying to do is change your personality. You need to finish your old self. Some think this impossible - to change your personality. If you believe that you need to turn around and not come back. Your personality can change, but you have to want it to. You have to absolutely be tired of your past self, that person that isn't getting what he needs what he wants.

Step back. Relook and maybe take the top off. Go at another angle another approach. Apply the knowledge, begin to understand it.

I respect a man that faces set backs and adversity, that the sum of his accomplishes are nothing but failed business attempts, multiple career changes. Yet each and every day he gets up. He straps on his boots and hits it harder today then he did yesterday. Each day he builds relationships and adds value to the world around him. When that man departs the earth people will remember him, and mourn their loss.

I do not respect the man that just wakes up and goes about his life on auto pilot. That accepts the things in his world as they are and doesn't care enough to force change into his world. That man never bothered to take the top off and try again. A different way.

This isn't about sex. This isn't about her. This isn't about how you are being treated. You came here because all the things you were told to do are not working. So why come here repeating those tired old solutions. You have to die to your old self.

It will transform you

A few days ago one of the 4rth Dans came into the dojo. Me and him started up our training. At this level we perform randori. It's a middle ground between actual sparring and play fighting. One person is the aggressor the other the defender. Real kicks, punches, attacks are thrown at the defender who is expected to perform techniques and other defenses taught within the school. It's a kind of pressure test that isn't done that much any more.

Sometimes you mess up your technique and you take the punch full force. You learn. You get up, and you do again. This is why randori is often limited to black belts. We are supposed to have the control and accuracy to not hurt each other, and there is no protective gear. This technique of training is only for the dedicated.

I digress, my partner and I went at it from 20 minutes or so. I felt slow. Sluggish, like I was moving through mud. My partner felt the same and was apologizing for not being at his best.

When were done other students were amazed at our speed, at our timing. Just how practiced it looked. That's the way it is in the martial arts. You never know how fast you are becoming, how much stronger, until you HAVE to execute. Even still things move slow. Your perception has changed your outlook is different. To you there is no change.

This level of skill took years to develop. I am not unique. there are others in the dojo with this same level of skill and proficiency. The little things were done at the beginning. Setbacks happened, training got off track but at the end, after the time had passed, it all fell into place.

The point of this is illustrate that it will happen. It will transform you. Do the work. Each day.

Either it finishes you or it transforms you ~ Seneca

And that's the fear.

You sense it when you start. You know something is off, it's not right. You know deep down that this process is make or break. That's why it scares you. That's why we buck it so much, we resist the changes, the process.

This is the old you talking. The You that is going to die. So let it. Force that motherfucker's head under the water.

Seneca was something of a contradiction among the stoic philosophers.

He didn't live the life he talked about. He often criticized the virtues stoics are meant to uphold and he incorporated other philosophical ideas into his writing. Think whatever you will about Seneca, you cannot deny the man was fearless. He made his own path, he forged his place among stoic thought. He spoke truth and he spoke it with authority.

Have the courage to die to your old self. Transform into a man of authority. Forge your place.

Either it finishes you or it transforms you.