Regular rejection always make the same mistakes

RBuddDwyer · 2015-03-27T21:00:30+00:00

> at that point she says I put her under pressure, she's not comfortable and would rather go to bed and not have dinner together or watch TV if it means avoiding having an argument or feeling under pressure.

Either your SMV is not high enough yet, or she does not see that your SMV is high enough yet. She is not attracted to you. To quote Rollo Tomassi

> A woman who wants to fuck you will find a way to fuck you. She will fly across the country, crawl under barbwire, climb in through your second story bedroom window, fuck the shit out of you and wait patiently inside your closet if your wife comes home early from work – women who want to fuck will find a way to fuck.

Back to your post:

> At this point I usually lose it and accuse her of being frigid and she storms off to bed. Yes I realise that's a stupid move but really the alternative is sitting next to her on the sofa watching TV like a room mate or cooking her dinner like a servant.

Or go out somewhere and have fun without her, come back later, and act like nothing happened. The overriding frame here is that this is your life that she is invited to follow along in. If she chooses not to participate, then you go off and do whatever you want to do. Have fun without her. Go out and have a beer with friends, watch a movie, do anything else other than just sulk. Read The Book of Pook.

RedCML · Fri Mar 27 21:41:13 2015 UTC

DREAD (always), but besides that:

I keep hitting the same situation and keep getting it wrong

You keep hitting this situation because you keep doing the same thing. Do a big game change for you: Roommate her for 30 solid days. Don't initiate sex, don't touch her sexually, don't talk about sex, don't get caught staring at her tits, don't boner-spoon her, don't compliment her appearance, and don't jerk off everyday. Just do activities for you. Lift, jog, work, cook, knit or whatever you like to do. If you do chores then seek no chore-glory. This is not a punishment for her! This is a period for you to self-reflect in abstinence. Smile and laugh often. If she asks about why you aren't seeking sex, only say "I figured I'd cool it for a while." Seriously try to talk as little as possible about it.

If she approaches you for sex in this roommate period, do it for you. That means you put your dick in and get the job done. She's likely offering it because she feels obligated. I hate that kind of sex. If you can, frame it such that you are busy so you won't have to stay in the bed afterward and cuddle. Don't worry about her orgasm in this phase of self-reflection. Realize before, during, and after that this is low quality sex.

At this point I usually lose it

Practice outcome independence. Laugh aloud and say, "Alright well maybe I'll give it another shot tomorrow." But you can't commit to that because we take one day at a time.

the alternative is sitting next to her on the sofa watching TV like a room mate

She roommated you instead! Damn, that hurts. When you are in this situation you absolutely need to remove yourself physically. Exercise/Lift. Drive to the store and buy some steaks for dinner tomorrow. If you can't physically leave then go to another room and read a book from the sidebar or call your mother/father/sister/brofriend and chat for a while.

cooking her dinner like a servant

Anytime you feel like you are cooking as a servant you either ask her to cook instead or you make grilled cheese sandwiches / PBJ and just explain that you don't really feel like cooking either. In that situation she isn't worthy of your cooking efforts.

that situation where sex has been set out as a part of the evenings entertainment

You set that expectation, not her, and you are strongly outcome dependent. Do yourself a favor and for a while stop planning so far ahead. If you feel like sex just say straight forward, "I want to go to the bedroom with you" and then go right away if she is agreeable. If she says "maybe later" that means not now and not later.

but accepting no sex and sitting with her anyway feels weak

It is weak. Don't sit with her. Extricate yourself. Find something else to do that doesn't make it look like you are angry (which you are).

exbp · 2015-03-27T22:50:55+00:00

So she turns you down. What the next most fun thing you can think of? Go do that. With as much radio silence as you can.

And never fight back. Always have a good plan B ready to go and do it with a smile when she refuses.

BluepillProfessor · 2015-03-27T23:20:23+00:00

Your problem is simple to implement, very difficult to resolve.

All was fine until:

At this point I usually lose it and accuse her of being frigid and she storms off to bed.

You MUST maintain what we call OI- Outcome Independence. It makes no sense but women respond best when their man acts like he doesn't care if she puts out. If you respond in any other way she sees it as a little boy pouting because he is denied his candy.

You MUST not lose it and you MUST stay in control or this is not going to work.

accepting no sex and sitting with her anyway feels weak.

Because it IS weak. 7:00 p.m. is PLENTY early to have alternate plans. Connect with a buddy. Get some friends. Join a martial arts class. GO LIFT.

Have an exit plan for when she is a frigid, sex denying harpy. You should be working on giving her NO attention at all when she is in shut-down, sex denial mode. Keep cool and have an exit plan for the night.

Eventually she will see that having sex with her husband is a lot more pleasurable than sitting home alone.

Right now, sad to say, your wife is getting more pleasure out of seeing your pain from being rejected than she is getting from having sex. This is nothing new- AWALT. YOU MUST TAKE AWAY THE PLEASURE SHE IS GETTING FROM DENYING YOU. Your Butthurt has to go. She cannot see how it affects you. THAT is what you need to take away from her before it is ever going to turn around. Fake it until you make it. It doesn't matter if you are leaving because you are pissed. It matters that you have plausible deniability and you leave with a smile and a smirk.

CaptainWasHere · 2015-03-27T23:37:07+00:00

All the right tricks fail if you're not the right guy. You need to keep working on yourself and your SMV so that she sees you as worthy of dominating her.

KyfhoMyoba · 2015-03-28T01:10:30+00:00

This behavior is filled with butthurtedness and stupid attempts at negotiating desire. I guess the butthurtedness comes when the negotiations break down. You write like this has happened before. If it has happened before, why aren't you ready with a different response? Even if you never heard of TRP, you should know that doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result is just crazy.

Quit cooking for her. Sounds like a covert or not-so-covert contract. A contract/negotiation for her sexual desire that has not and will never work.

Have you read/do you read The Rational Male? Learn to maintain the frame of "Amused Mastery" in all situations.

And start running Dread.

[deleted] · 2015-03-28T02:46:08+00:00

It was said well by professor. Let me put same thought in my words.

You are doing great with morning flirts. Escalation is good...here is where I see you blowing up in a bluesmoke bomb.

No promise dinner for sex....that's a contract and unattractive. You want wife to desire you, not feel need to pay for a meal

Also when she pushes back hard then simply leave. Be gone. 3 hours minDon't pick up texts. Or calls. Just disappear.....then when she asks tell her " went for a walk. Have alot on my mind"

Every time she denies sex. You pull away. No attention. No talking. I mean.be cordial and polite. Do the normal chores like trash to curb if you do that but you go tit for tat.....sex =attention....no sex=lonliness

Women need validation more than you need oxygen let alone sex

kurwaglio · 2015-03-27T21:13:05+00:00

you have more options. Put your coat back on and go out. Don't sit with her, you're not obliged to do that. Go do something YOU want to do.

and stop making her dinner, she can make her own.

casual_shanter · 2015-03-27T23:40:49+00:00

Since reading MMSLP my moves for sex have usually pegged the sex to some sort of reward - "I'm going out for lunch. Be lying on the bed wearing nothing but a smile and I might let you come with me". If I'm up front like that is it a covert contract? My feeling was no, I'm injecting some fun and that if sex didn't happen then I just go have lunch without her. The complaint I get however is that I'm putting pressure on her all the time with these pre-emoted offerings. No doubt at all that I need to get working on me as I know (hard though it is to accept at this early stage) that I don't make her tingle.

Friggen_throwaway · 2015-03-28T05:05:08+00:00

I am going to focus on something that the others have left out. Your comment to her in the morning about wearing something nice because you don't want to take off the "old" stuff is a real poor choice of words. Your insulting her, making her feel not sexy. No matter what you do after that, you are going to fail. There is nothing wrong with teasing a woman but your outright insulting her. Go buy her some sexy new underwear (7 days worth) and tell her you want to see her in them every night this week when you get home. Then see if her response changes.

casual_shanter · 2015-03-28T08:05:39+00:00

I am right at the start of the self improvement / MAP process so I realise I need to get the basic first steps right. So much good advice here so thanks. One last question, I can see that when I next run into this situation and suddenly remove myself from the scene and go do something else unplanned that she is going to say that I'm sulking at her rejection that tit for tat is childish, not attractive etc. As its a clear reaction to not getting sex I want to show strength and I still don't see how to respond to that accusation - if at work I pushed back on someone and they walked out of a meeting I'd see it as a display of weakness. We're married so at some point I'm likely to come back and don't want to undo the benefit of having walked out.

casual_shanter · 2015-03-27T21:09:28+00:00

Where I struggle is if I've set up the intention for sex followed by a meal / watching TV / a glass of wine, if she rejects the sex bit then isn't walking out to do something else and abandoning the rest a bit sulky?

Title	Regular rejection always make the same mistakes
Author	casual_shanter
Upvotes	6
Comments	24
Date	March 27, 2015 8:35 PM UTC (11 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/MarriedRedPill
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/30j4rm/regular_rejection_always_make_the_same_mistakes/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/MarriedRedPill/regular-rejection-always-make-the-same-mistakes.202269 https://theredarchive.com/post/202269

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