Man, I don't get it.

I just spent 20 minutes making out with her yesterday, and today she tells me we are never being affectionate unless I want sex.

I don't get it.

Every day I tell her how pretty she is, today she's telling me I never say she's pretty anymore.

I don't get it.

I wanted to get to sleep early, and I never stay up late to have fun with her.

... Know the worst part?

She tells me that she doesn't like to have me cum in her mouth either.

*She doesn't like that.

She tells me she doesn't like it when I fondle her boobs Either

She doesn't like that*

She tells me that she won't suck my dick unless I have a shower, she doesn't like it when it's dirty... I don't think it's that dirty

She doesn't like that.

/scene

I'm going to let you in on a secret. Would you like to know it faggot? I'll bet you do.

I spent some time deployed, crossed the atlantic back in 08. we had a small stopover in this island. It's not on the maps either. Atlantas, heard of it? Anyways, the king shaman priese there, lets call him Bob. Bob dusts off an old manuscript. I guess a few thousand years ago, a few guys castrated themselves, locked themselves into a tower, and had everyone bring them as much knowledge about the female language they could find. 3 generations of men did this, sacraficed greatly, and finally built a document, translating womanspeak. Only problem...

Global warming. the civilization was dying, and the knowledge would be gone forever. They told two of us, only two, and said that we had to fight to the death, or they would kill us both. Poor Petty Officer Bloggins... It was him or me. But I wanted to spleunk in the caves in Oman (Rambo 3 was there) and be damned if that fat stoker was going to get the wisdom of the ancients. he would fuck it up.

Anyways, long story short. The caves were washed out that year, had to go another time. But I remember the manuscript.

Here it goes, Rule 1

You know how you don't say the silent letters in some words? Well, women have this extra gland on their tongue, and it makes things much more silent than first thought. I won't get into the grammar and syntax, but it's easy to write it down.

Don't tell Bob I said this.

Whenever she says something like 'we never X anymore', 'you never X' or anything that alludes to you currently not performing up to the standard she's become accustomed to, there's a few silent letters at the end.

You never take me out anymore translates to: you never take me out right now

Another example.

You never make me feel special. Translates to:you don't make me feel special right now

The history of the hidden letters

See, during the time of Atlantis, The goldfish god blessed women with their memory capacity. The Lizard god gave her the power of the lizard brain. She shunned the man brain, and it's capacity for memory, and emotion suppression, no idea why.

The lizard god commanded her to trust her instinct and emotional state, because it kept the lizards alive through millennia. The goldfish god commanded her to trust her goldfish memory, and recite what the lizard god told her, because the lizard remembered all, how could he not? They have been around since the earth cooled?

Rule 2

When she does things, or does things not, there's some more hidden letters. Bob warned us about having to fight to the death, but Bloggins was too curious, and said 'sure' before I could consult him. He had a wife and family, why was he so curious, without a care for the danger? May he rest in piece.

Be warned. If you read past this point, you will have to battle your fellow MRPers to the death, and I will have to commit suicide, as only one may know this. If you keep reading, you've been warned.

Don't tell Bob I said this.

Related to whenever she says something that she doesn't do, we don't do, or finds disgusting. She doesn't swallow. She doesn't give head, it's yucky, we don't do that anymore. She doesn't like to fuck with the lights on. There's more hidden letters at the end. Let me translate

I don't swallow. Translates to "I don't swalllow with you"

I don't like to have sex with the lights on. Translates to: I don't like to have sex with the lights on "with you"

The second history of the hidden letters, and the deathmatch

So the golfish god and the lizard god had an enemy. He was the god named Harrison Bergeron. He was vengeful and spiteful. He had a giant distaste for anything that wasn't equal. The ancient gods used to say they didn't want to remember what he remembered. They didn't want to listen to logic and reason. So he was angry, but they were gods, so what could he do?

He looked to their little lizard goldfish creations and thus he spake. The first one told him that she didn't like his anger, and she did what she wanted. And so he smited her with his giant cudgel. The goldfish lizards had to think quick, the goldfish god granted them only 15 seconds to act on this lesson, and the lizard god put the fear into their hearts.

And so the second one stepped forward. She put her hand in the air to stop the crying of the others, Harry lifted his cudgel, and commanded her to speak, and so she spake:

We don't do these things at all, it's a rule. And so Harry realized it was equal. It wasn't that they disobeyed him, it was something that everyone did equally. No one would do these things, and so he left, leaving the goldfish lizards to their meanderings.

And to this day, that person, who was named "Woman Womansky" was honoured by being the name that all goldfish lizards would use, to honour her sacrafice.

And so

Then Bob handed us two broken pieces of a pool cue and told us to be quick, the ship was leaving in 30.

And now you have it.

TLDR; Children like stories, if you cannot remember this now, just unsubscribe, you're not ready for learnin words.

When she describes something that you don't do anymore, add a 'right now' at the end. When she has a rule on something she won't do, add a 'with you' at the end.

Then you can stop asking the same stupid faggot questions on AMRP how she cannot remember how great you were yesterday.