I used to blame myself for not being man enough and not being able to bear the pain of my father's beatings. I felt more and more ashamed because I have a sensitive nervous system.

I couldn't handle the pain and because of that I always hoped that they would think about not beating me. Somedays they used to build up the stress over days at a time. Like 3 days to beat me. Somedays I was happy not to get beaten before bed time because I felt like I just escaped it. Am I less of a man because I couldn't handle the pain from my father's beatings?