~ archived since 2018 ~

Shit repeats

July 5, 2023

Someone listen to me no one is

Now I’m trapped in my room I barricaded it for the next 24 hours. I’m maybe can’t leave because nobody’s listening to me. Part of torture therapy when I was kid was force mt into painful things physically and mentally then leave me there so I’d “get over it” & be independent and it never stopped everyone does it is the therapist now . I am doing really bad.

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Post Information
Title Shit repeats
Author 6-leslie
Upvotes 13
Comments 6
Date July 5, 2023 7:59 PM UTC (4 months ago)
Subreddit /r/MenSupportMen
Archive Link
Original Link

[–]Yesyesnaaooo 3 points4 points  (5 children) | Copy Link

I'm really sorry you're suffering and I wish I could help, but know this, you're strong, you must be to have made it this far.

Now ask yourself the question - is the road from where you are now to happiness an easy road, or a hard road? It's going to be a hard difficult road, right? Here's the thing though, you've always been on that road, as long as you can remember, you've been on that road, a hard difficult road that has required you to be strong and resilient ...

Now understand this ... this is what hard is, this thing that you are experiencing is what hard is, this is the hard bit that requires your strength, it was always going to happen and so here's the lesson.

It's ok that it's hard. It's ok that this moment is shitty and depressing and miserable and lonely, it's ok for you to feel helpless and broken and scared because that's how hard moments feel, for everyone.

You've got this brother. I believe in you.

[–]6-leslie[S] 2 points3 points  (4 children) | Copy Link

I’m calmer now still shit fuckt but I’m not panicking right now. I got to sneak out and take a walk I found some nice wildflowers. My PSW will be here in a few hours that’s why I had to wait 24 hours until he gets here so they can’t hurt me. I wrote email to my social worker and she might fix things idk all I have left option is to trust her, she said she’ll keep checking on me because I said I want to kill myself and that I have to tell her if I’m not ok. I had a breakdown yesterday and destroy all pictures they forced of me because I never consented it was all forced with punishment so I thing them all it’s my body my life they have no right to punish me into pictures then put these reminders of very painful memories everywhere the worst taken by my mom after she walkt in on my sister molesting me when I was a kid and she said it was cute and forced me to put my clothes back on & pose with ny sister for photos she shared with everyone posted on social media those people shared with everyone else got put on walls Christmas ornaments. Feels like being victim of child porn when you know the context. But I was a good boy and put up with seeing these pictures for over a decade. I wrote I wrote some things it was standing up for myself but it pisses them off and I cut myself and let it bleed on her bed I didn’t want to I really didn’t I feel bad about it but it was last resort before actually killing myself to get her to listen to me take me seriously I didn’t have another option anymore. Of course didn’t work she just tryt to do her usual fuckt up bullshit because she wants me to die anyway. She wants me to either stay with her and suffer alive or die but not be happy my whole family is like that I don’t want to be like them. I’ve been recording every time she comes near my room in case. I got it recorded when she was being a bitch to me last night. I’ve been recording everything lately so I have evidence. I record every time I was near my family members now. She talkt to my mother, I know from reading her messages (because I have to to stay safe, I don’t snoop(?) if I don’t need to) that she’s lies about me to my mom so I know she lied about what happent yesterday too, and my mom is trying to message me. Fuck them both.

[–]Yesyesnaaooo 2 points3 points  (3 children) | Copy Link

Sounds like you need to get to somewhere safe.

[–]Admirable_Wasabi1840 1 point2 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

I agree, that sounds awful. I hope your PSW can get you removed from the situation and that you turn to this forum as often as possible to get support

[–]6-leslie[S] 1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

Sorry I didn’t get notifications. I’m going to a group home end of this week. That seems to be ncie. We were packing today. I’ll still have my PSW so if they turn out bad he can help me get out. I’ll make an update post when I’m there. And probably 1 a week or few later. My family don’t know what group home I’m moving trying to stop them from knowing/secret. Idk how it works but if I can maybe restraining on my family. Hopefully not needed though I just want to go missing to them never interact with them again like I never existed without draining drama & legal stuff

[–]Admirable_Wasabi1840 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

sorry that you have experienced so much trauma, hope the group home gives you the care and nurturing to heal

You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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