~ archived since 2018 ~

What happens when you ask for help?

May 16, 2022

It might help to talk about what happens when you ask for help, both the good and the bad.

My gender has often defined how people have reacted to my signs of needing help. I've had wonderful individuals who treated me like a human, first and foremost, and those that treated me like a man, first and foremost.

While the injustices may come to mind more easily, try to search for those who have treated you well and acknowledge them, here and to yourself.

I'll leave my experiences in a reply below.

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[–]peanutbutterjams[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

I had parents I could talk to but not any longer (they're not dead but the relationship is). My wife is always there for me and I for her and I'm grateful for that.

However, at a previous job it was acceptable for women to break down crying at their desks because of the verbal and emotional abuse from the (100% female) managers.

Men were never given the same emotional freedom. Any hint of anger or even annoyance was treated as if you'd pulled down your pants and started to speak to them out of your ass, Ace Ventura style.

When a man did break down and cried from the stress, he was forced to go see a therapist for 6 weeks. He was instantly treated as dangerous and disgusting.

It was like they took all their frustrations with management onto any acceptable target and in an office that was 80% women, men were an acceptable target.

Since 'men can never be the victims of sexism', there was no way to object to this treatment and many men won't even consider the idea that they are being treated worse because of their gender.

When I asked for help from my union and supervisor, I was treated as an annoyance and someone potentially dangerous. I should have fixed my own problems, apparently, and the fact that I couldn't do everything myself in an admittedly toxic workplace made me the one potentially unstable instead of, you know, the abusive managers who would berate employees until they started crying at their desk.

Sometimes it seems like it's always a man's responsibility to fix all the problems caused by society, alone, and it's never a woman's responsibility to fix her problems caused by society but for society (read: men) to fix them for her.

[–]surrealstrength [score hidden]  (0 children) | Copy Link

As i grow older, I tend to keep my problems to myself often. I refrain from sharing with my friends because I have a sense that they're talking behind my back and I don't want to be a topic of discussion. I avoid sharing with my family as they don't often understand.

To have myself heard seems like a big thing to me.

You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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