Don't EVER marry

2013-02-15T16:21:38+00:00

My country (Australia) shows de facto relationships of over 2 years as the same as marriage on a case by case basis. If you live with an SO but are unmarried, and it goes sour, you're in the same boat as the married couple.

What's more, you haven't had the opportunity to have a prenup, even though they are often disregarded it has to be better than nothing.

x30Jx · 2013-02-15T16:47:24+00:00

While I agree that men going through divorce proceedings, especially when there are children involved, are often totally fucked over (and that goes double in my country of Canada), taking up this viewpoint is like what some radical feminists say, to avoid men (in this case marriage to women) all together because they are eventually going to rape or beat you (or in this case take all of your money and children in divorce court).

That being said, every time I read about some guy who has to pay alimony and child support totaling more than the cost of a car per month with supervised visitation to his children every other weekend, etc, I am just a tiny bit happier about having been born gay.

SpawnQuixote · 2013-02-15T16:53:10+00:00

Any man who gets married in this day and age: Can I interest you in a partnership where we don't put in equal amounts of work, I can leave and take 1/2 the assets while you continue to pay me a profit dividend?

Canadian4Paul · 2013-02-15T14:33:50+00:00

Ok, I guess I'll be the guy who calls bullshit.

Marriage isn't for everyone.

Yes there is a negative stigma surrounding men who refuse to get married or "commit" and that needs to change, but that aside, many men enjoy very fulfilling marriages. To many of us (myself included), the idea of being permanently and romantically attached through marriage is very self-fulfilling and enriching.

Yes, bad things can happen, and yes, the courts will be stacked against you. There is no doubting that some unsuspecting men have been screwed out of their lives because of their marriages. This does NOT mean that all marriages are bad. This is exactly the same as when feminists say that all women should avoid men because of the threat of being raped or assaulted.

Blemish · 2013-02-15T17:46:40+00:00

I support MRA , but I found this article only ranting. Like how feminists argue. It provided not statistics, citations, or sources.

Merely someone giving opinion after opinion.

I prefer opinion back up with facts.

BobScratchit · 2013-02-15T17:53:18+00:00

FTA: Society typically paints a negative stereotype of men who hesitate, delay, or elect not to marry.

They are labeled as either:

A) Womanisers who are unable to participate in a long term relationship, or B) Selfish, childish or irresponsible men who can not take care of themselves or another person.

I consider myself to be a womaniser without a woman, unable to participate in a long term relationship do to said lack of woman, selfish, childless, a responsible man who has no choice but to take care of myself and has no other person to take care of.

Bobsutan · 2013-02-15T17:36:56+00:00

Great blog. It does a fantastic job of enumerating the risks and liabilities men face with modern marriage.

I keep having to stop people and ask "in what ways does modern marriage benefit men?" I usually get a blank look on their face in response. Yes there's some legal benefits, as the LBGT community will tell you, but that's not what I'm talking about.

FAPSLOCK · 2013-02-15T23:41:30+00:00

This is where I stopped.

A significant number of 20-something and 30-something women spend all of their disposable income on luxury rental apartments, upscale restaurants, frequent exotic vacations, leased cars, spa treatments, and excessive amounts of clothing, purses, shoes and accessories.

Oh good. Women buy shoes and lease cars. Thanks for that. And I was worried this article would be something that made us all look like childish morons.

EDIT: I can't stay away

Anyone who says, “Slavery is dead” clearly has not contemplated the predicament of the average Western Husband,

Comparing marriage to slavery. LITERAL SLAVERY. C'mon! This essay has to be a plant to make us look like sexists and racists.

phedre · 2013-02-15T17:17:25+00:00

You know what, I'll never marry. It's not for me, I have zero interests in having kids or a spouse. But when you throw in shit like this:

If a man insists that his wife honor the conjugal requirements of the marriage contract, he can and will be accused of sexual abuse, sexual assault or rape.

anything you say loses all credibility. "insists that his wife honor the conjugal requirements of the marriage contract"? Are you fucking SERIOUS? If you force someone to have sex, it's rape and you should be brought up on charges for it. Male, female, whatever your gender is, you are not entitled to sex from ANYONE, I don't care what your relationship to them is.

Is sex an important part of a relationship? Of course it is and no one can deny that, but that kind of bullshit just isn't right.

See-9 · 2013-02-15T16:46:08+00:00

I'm a dude and frankly I find this entire article sexist against women. It begs the question from the first paragraph after the intro, painting women to be money mongering childish beings with debt, high expectations, with little responsibility for their finances or well-being...and they need YOU to save them!

Let me start off by saying: I am not by any means implying no women are like this. However, I do think it IS wrong to imply that this will be the norm in one's own marriage and that it is the standard we should expect. We have choices when deciding who we want to marry, and if you're in that intimate of a relationship one should know the content of their partner's character. This article paints to-be-married women as oppressors, keen to get their way and willing to pitch infantile tantrums to get it. If you're in a relationship with that sort of person, don't get married.

I'd like to also address /r/MensRights on the subject of becoming exactly what we disagree with about feminism. I see more and more that this subreddit strives less toward the truth, and more toward hate-mongering and at the end, misogyny. I see with each passing day the same tropes and generalizations, blanket statements, and logical fallacies that I hate so much from the radical feminists being used HERE, supported by our peers and made without irony. This has to stop. We cannot fall into the habit of using the same rhetorical devices used by the irrational and radical feminist movement. If MRAs want to be taken seriously then we need to start being the bigger man. It's not easy to stare in the twisted face of an emotional movement based on hate, propaganda, and a harmful agenda; if we start employing the same tactics that we find so abhorrent we become no better than they are, and in my eyes no more credible. If Men's Rights wants to truly differ from radical feminism, it has to truly strive for equality and truth for BOTH genders; playing a game of "Who's more oppressed" or saying "They started it!" is childish at best and ends up accomplishing nothing for either side.

I'd like to hear your opinions on this. If anyone would like me to expound on my issues with the article, I will, but I'd rather not muddy up the majority of this comment with quotes trying to prove a specific point.

tldr: Stare too long into the abyss and the abyss will gaze into you.

Edit: If you're going to downvote me do me the courtesy of telling me why, that's all I ask.

AnAdultWoman · 2013-02-15T17:18:11+00:00

I think that if, deep down, you can't commit to a woman because you're scared for your future financial and emotional well being - you absolutely should not get married!

It's more likely to become a self fulfilling prophecy since the first time she does something that trips the trigger all those doubts and fears will surface. That's likely to kill the marriage.

There is nothing wrong with protecting yourself

There is also something to be said about saving other people from your views of reality.

On the other hand, 50% of marriages do work! That means that somewhere, out there, are responsible, trustworthy, and mature people who are perfectly capable of building lasting, successful, and fulfilling partnerships.

TheFarnell · 2013-02-15T16:35:28+00:00

I looked at the title:

Don’t Marry

I looked at the URL:

dontmarry.wordpress.com

I looked at the second line:

The intent is not to dissuade men from marrying

I stopped reading.

Title	Don't EVER marry
Author	NotValHalla
Upvotes	37
Comments	40
Date	February 15, 2013 12:14 PM UTC (13 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/MensRights
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/mensrights/comments/18kt1b/dont-ever-marry/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/MensRights/dont-ever-marry.1606329 https://theredarchive.com/post/1606329

Comments