gender roles in marriages.

HikuroMishiro · 2022-08-08T22:50:36+00:00

I don't have a problem with people fulfilling traditional gender roles if it works for both people. If you are single and looking for a partner I think it's a bit weird if you rigidly stick to a certain notions, but people are free to be selective in whatever way they want. If you're already with someone and then kind of 'change' and insist your partner does too even if they don't agree, that's a dick move on your part. For instance if you're a man and have a 'modern' relationship with both you and your girlfriend/wife working full time and she becomes pregnant and you suddenly insist she stops working to be a full time stay at home mom even if that's not what she wants; that's not okay. Same goes if you're a woman in that situation but you insist on being just a stay at home mom when your boyfriend/husband thinks you should both still work.

csgardner · 2022-08-08T17:18:51+00:00

The reason why "traditional" gender roles are traditional is because they work for most people most of the time, and have for a VERY long time. Women are just more biologically valuable in the home. They get pregnant and literally feed the babies from their bodies, they also aren't as strong and don't travel as well, and are highly valuable for long term society survival. So mostly it was best for everyone to protect them in the village.

That said, your marriage and family will be unique, and you need to find what works best for you. Home chores were once highly specialized, now modern technology has made them easy enough for anyone to do. There are also more options for outside work than their used to be. So you should be flexible. But there are a few rules that I think serve to make this easier to navigate:

Pick someone who shares your goals and values. This is the most important part of a marriage, you HAVE to be working together to the same goal or the marriage cannot work. If one wants children and the other doesn't, it's just not going to work. If one is Christian and the other Hindu, it's not going to work. Etc. (The main problem with this advice is that most young people don't KNOW what their goals and values are.)
Work. If there's work to be done, do it. Never say, "That's his/her job." If you see a need, deal with it. (Of course, you should pick a spouse with the same attitude. A lazy spouse is hell.)
Kids are great, but someone needs to be home younger than 8 or so. Very young children need constant attention, and they are VERY attached to their primary care giver. Putting them in daycare from infancy is very dangerous for their psyche. From about 3 they can explore more, by 8 they are pretty independent. (It used to be considered an age where they could start working.) But younger than that, even if they are in school, it really helps to have someone around to handle the issues. (Obviously, for biological reasons, the person at home is most commonly the female)
Do the math. When making plans do the math upfront. How much does day care cost? How much is she making after taxes? How much does renting vs buying housing cost over time? Etc.

Laniekea · 2022-08-08T17:41:44+00:00

What do you mean by "gender roles"? Do you think these are outfits that men and women are expected to fill, or that they commonly fill? Over 70% of mothers today with children under 18 work.

To be honest with you though I think it really depends on the couple. There are roles that men and women often prefer to fill, but it also depends on how stressful either of their jobs are, the lifestyles they chose. Some children are just terrors, or they have special needs. Some jobs are easy and some are incredibly stressful. Some couples never have children. Most family units have two working parents, meaning that all the house work should be split evenly.

My dad was a CEO, my mom was a stay-at-home mother. My mom was always moving, even when I was at school as a teenager. Everything from getting groceries, dry cleaning, cleaning the house, doing laundry, cooked breakfast, lunch and dinner, taking me or my brother to sports, piano lessons, she managed several properties, and was involved in several charities pertaining to my dad's work. But she did all that while my dad worked from 10:00 in the morning until midnight on a regular basis (he worked in events). On the weekends my dad would come home and do maintenance on our house.

There's evidence that men take more leisure time than women. I think the goal should be to equalize the leisure time.

Knit4men · 2022-08-08T14:08:49+00:00

Think whatever works best in your relationship, my wife does most of the domestic duties well cause she is very small. My wife is from warm climate we live in cold climate she had never seen snow before her first snow storm she was all "I'll shovel and you cook" so I started cooking and she went out to shovel about 10mins she came back in and wanted to cook so I went to shoveling, wet snow is heavy she didn't understand that. We both work we both take care of our son we both cook and clean just I do the heavy lifting and fixing and she does more of the cooking and cleaning

Title	gender roles in marriages.
Author	boomboxspence
Upvotes	1
Comments	10
Date	August 8, 2022 1:43 PM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/MensRights
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/MensRights/comments/wj9751/gender_roles_in_marriages/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/MensRights/gender-roles-in-marriages.1127155 https://theredarchive.com/post/1127155