On this reddit I have read a large number of stories coming from men who have been involved with women they would have been better advised to pass over. The stories are no less sad for this fact, but it might be a good time to consider some of the things that might indicate problems are likely further down the track.

  1. Does she smoke or take hard drugs. If so, she has little respect for her own body and is unlikely to have much respect for you, your home or your future children.

  2. Does she hold beliefs that defy observable reality e.g. that the World was created in 7 days, four thousand years ago? If so, reasonable argument will be unlikely to resolve any issues you might incur.

  3. How does she talk about previous partners? Does she spend time slagging them off? If so, that is where you are likely to end up.

  4. Does she live beyond her means? If so, and you get married you will end up paying off her current debts and permanently supporting her excessive spending.

  5. How does she handle conflict? How does she treat people she does not like? It is easy to create a good impression when things are going well and to be nice to people you like. It is when the going gets a little tougher that true character comes out.

  6. Does she understand what you expect from her? Have you told her? Does she get angry if you mention that you expect reciprocation for the things you do for her? If the last answer is yes, then move along unless you want to be her slave.

If she fails on these sort of questions, you are better off without her even if it means being alone for a while. (If you fail on them yourself, some self-reflection would be appropriate.) There are millions of potential partners out there. Don't get blocked by tunnel vision.

What if you live up to good standards and have self-respect and respect for others, but can't find a mate who does? In that case Game or PUA is a good direction to head in. The skills you need are learnable and the necessary confidence does come with putting yourself out there. You do not lose confidence by getting knocked back, you lose it by not having the drive to move on.

Perhaps some discussion on this site regarding the means of redressing the situation in marriages/relationships which have become unbalanced, i.e. she is the boss, would be a good idea.