A common trope seen within articles relating to men and gender is how our supposed patriarchal system makes it inexcusable for us to display emotion, as it's seen by most as 'womanly' and thus not becoming of men. To a small extent, this is likely true for many men in some specific instances--probably truer the more traditional a culture is--and of course most men the world over know the sting of holding in tears at something such as a funeral, but do not let them forth so as not not lose their composure.

But I do feel that this persisting line of dialogue is primarily a red herring. Like all issues men face, the majority of academics and commentators twist it into an issue whose crux lies within the Oppression Of Women™, namely how much they don't want to be seen as weak girly women. Again, I am sure that this constitutes a modicum of the reasoning overall behavioural constraints men deal with, but to say that this is the paramount reasoning is quite frankly absurd.

One more time: Within the West, to say the the primary male prerogative is to be as unwomanly as possible is insulting, single-minded drivel that has had no basis in reality for centuries.

First and foremost, yes: men are afraid to make their inner thoughts known to others, especially those of the opposite gender. It's common to hear women complain that their opinions and feelings aren't respected or taken into consideration, which is quite frankly hilarious when you look at the situation men are put in within the private sphere. Men get angry, they get sad, depressed, anxious, but as men, showing these types of feelings doesn't just evoke ridicule from others, but fear. When a man is angry--especially toward a woman--he's scary. When a man is sad or anxious, he's unstable and not doing his duty as a man to keep things in line. If he's critical of someone's behaviour, he's gaslighting them, oppressing them, or whatever other thought-terminating cliche can be used to delegitimize common men's viewpoints.

Men can't be emotional and express themselves because the ramifications for doing so simply are not worth it. And this ties into my next point, in that men can't afford to be vulnerable, because pragmatically, making yourself vulnerable requires the knowledge of a type of fail-safe, otherwise it is simply not worth it. Unlike women, men do not have much of any protection. Exposing weakness is not a luxury most men have. It certainly will not come from the bulk of women, because men are still obligated to be their providers. Other men are dealing with the same shit, and spaces where men can go and gather have all but been razed by the supposed virtue of them being exclusionary and 'oppressive', save for those of the ultra-rich. And because of society bestowing upon men fictional hyper-agency, it certainly will not be provided by the government, as it's very clear men are viewed as wholly culpable for all their circumstances--mental and otherwise. Men suppress their emotions because they're forced to suppress their individual expression as a whole, except in ways that others deem acceptable.

And lastly, on the subject of crying itself, I think most men will tell you that they simply do not feel the need to in most circumstances where a woman might start bawling. I have no doubt that men have the same relativistic levels of emotional responses women have when subjected to the same stimuli, but the differences are:

  1. We don't have the same need or capability to have outward displays of emotion
  2. Men are much more apt to compartmentalize their emotional states from their inner thoughts and dialogue

Both of these statements have biological bases. To deny the effects of hormonal fluctuation on women's behavior is a denial of reality. Women have significantly more stress hormones such as prolactin and , and the body's primary form of evicting these excess hormones is through intense emotional response and crying. Exposure to prenatal testosterone has been shown time and time again to propagate more male-like behavioural norms and emotional responses in men and women, even in those with intersexual chromosomal configurations. Furthermore, men do not have the amount of connections women do between their left and right hemispheres, and male and female amygdalas are quite structurally different.

And so, the question arises: what do men do? First and foremost, men have to be once again willing to stand up for themselves. If they feel wrong or that something is wrong, they must say so. It's long since been a feminist slogan that their 'voices must be heard', and the monopoly they've had on this has gone on long enough. This of course first is going to have to happen inter-personally, after that, in the broader social sphere.