What positive impact has your involvement with Men's Rights Advocacy had on your life?

JakeDDrake · 2014-03-12T10:16:22+00:00

It's helped me understand that I don't have to live up to anyone else's standards, and that my goodness and value as a person are not reliant on my willingness to sacrifice myself for others when they ask.

An apt quote from a redditor (whose name I forget) that I heard recently explains my feelings nicely: "The only time anyone tells you to 'man up and do it' is if they know what you're doing is not in your best interest".

It was a real breath of fresh air to hear this, because I'd spent quite a few years feeling pretty inadequate due to my Depression and all the related emotional crap that comes with it. To be told in no uncertain terms that I wasn't a broken person for being incapable of "doing my part", liberated me from the self-perpetuating cycle of guilt I'd resigned myself to. Which in turn left me free to finally get my shit together.

I won't say The Men's Rights Movement 'cured' my Depression, because that would be dismissing the hard work I put in for myself, and the care given to me by my Psychiatrist. What I will say, however, is that the concepts of true personal autonomy expressed here helped to pull me out of a very dark headspace I'd been lost in for quite a while.

What I have never goes away, but at least now I feel better about the fact.

gonecatfishin · 2014-03-12T09:29:16+00:00

It removed several people in my life when I started pointing hypocrisy inherent in feminism.

I never understood what an emotional drain it was suffering though those conversations at the bar, and the barrage of male bashing on Facebook.

When I started cutting and pasting their statuses and switching genders, I received a lot of shit - from men and women. It made me realize that equality, as it is currently practiced, is actually normalized emotional, physical, and spiritual suppression of ~50% of the world.

Feminism dwarfs all other systematized discrimination programs in history. They have been remarkably effective at undermining men through thousands of subtle and not so subtle efforts - shelters and gender bias, using "don't rape" instead of "rape is wrong", and well - everyone here knows the score.

Basically, I became more enlightened.

ILoveHate · 2014-03-12T09:41:02+00:00

I became an MGTOW and stopped giving a shit. Don't get me wrong, I'll still support single fathers and divorced men, but not giving a shit has really freed me. Shaming language has absolutely no effect on me anymore.

Oh and it has made me very good at finding sources for arguments. I no longer argue based on feelings and assumptions, now I actually cite sources when I have to.

And I suppose it has made me aware of all of the double standards and saved me from Athiesm+, which I'm sure I would have joined if I didn't become an MRA beforehand.

SirSkeptic · 2014-03-12T09:58:20+00:00

Most importantly it let me know I wasn't alone and that something was being done. I was brought up by a feminist mother who had taken a number of men to the cleaners and only associated with other feminists.

To me (at the age of 8) the hypocrisy in feminism was clearly evident, but I was surrounded by ultra-left wing ~~thinkers~~ believers. The whole schmeer - astral travel, transcendental meditation, earth goddesses, anti-male, anti-white, vegan, pro-smoking, alcoholism, pro-child-pornography (lots of people forget that in the 60's and early 70's feminism was very pro-child pornography - check the university newspapers of the day).

It was great to find others that opposed feminism. My first online MRA was ArgusEyes.

I feel very hopeful for the future.

jseeley · 2014-03-12T09:49:51+00:00

I've learned to not care that people on my facebook have unfriended me because of this, because those are people that I don't want in my life in the first place.

I've learned to not ignore sexism when it happens. I have a voice and I'm going to use it to fight for any sort of injustice I run into.

DiscoPandaKungFu · 2014-03-12T15:21:34+00:00

It helped me know that I wasn't the only one who noticed how hateful some aspects of feminism were. Massive amounts of vitriol come from them directed at me for no reason other than I am male.

I also found a group of people where I can talk about an incident I went through and it helps me a lot. It also introduced me to COTWA, and now I try to support them as much as I can.

IS44 · 2014-03-12T17:06:50+00:00

Let's take the class I audit as an example of how I've felt the impact of change... I made a post about it a little while ago, which you can read here if you so wish.

Watching that whole thing was a little baffling to me. The part that made me realize how much impact the MRM had had on me, though, was when I started watching the young men in this setting, as they listened to what was basically a belittling, mocking conversation against them.

There were one or two who "laughed" along with this "true joke", but their laughter was forced. Other lads were notably silent, fiddling with pens, and they made a serious effort not to look up around themselves. Not a single young man joined the 'discussion', and the instructor frequently made a point to look at them when she spoke about just how awfully clueless and stupid men apparently were.

No, I would not have seen this before, had it not been for the MRM. But now I see it for what it was: subtle classroom bullying. What might this conversation have sounded like, had it been a 'discussion' over how white people were smart and beautiful and considerate, and black people were somehow complete idiots for not spending an entire book contemplating the fruit? Sounds rather more than a bit racist, don't you think?

That's how I've started seeing these things. And it's not just in this classroom setting; it's on social networks, in the market, on the street, at offices, and in the political debates. It is popular to belittle men. While it was not the MRM who taught me never to belittle human beings, the MRM did open my eyes to an injustice I had overlooked.

I probably would have kept on with overlooking, too, and maybe I would have been laughing with that class, not because I wished to belittle, but because it would have been socially acceptable to insult these young men. There would have been no question in my mind that the whole event was just a harmless joke... but then, I would not have been looking at all those young men, sitting there and taking these insults with bowed heads because it is what they have been taught is morally correct.

I've also gotten around now to realizing just how illogical it is to tell someone they are guilty of misogyny or racism or whatever because of something their ancestors did. I have been told multiple times that because I am white, my mere existence is oppressive to aboriginal peoples in one of my nations. My existence.

There was no consideration for what I had done in my life; no acknowledgement of my actions, achievements and emotions. I could express my love and sympathy a thousand times over, but it would not matter, because my skin color automatically means I oppress another group of people, "whether (I am) conscious of it or not". I could never be allowed to treat aboriginals with respect, and I can never be allowed to point all of this out, because "they have had it worse than (me) so (I) have no say."

Funnily enough, some of the people who have told me this have gone on later to cry outrage at India's Caste System, and it's hilarious to watch them say, "No one should be designated as a lower or higher social class just because of the way their ancestors were!" I don't really give up trying to point this hypocrisy to them, but it does get exhausting.

I think I'll stop typing now. You guys get the tune.

TL;DR - Thank you, MRM, for all your humanity, and all your bravery to challenge the status quo, because you radically and positively changed the way I see people.

rg57 · 2014-03-12T19:32:59+00:00

I'm not "involved". I comment in a subreddit. But I am encouraged that men's issues are starting to be taken seriously. By men.

To me, this parallels the gay experience. The vast majority of gay people used to just silently tolerate what we were told: that we were sick. It took a few gay people a couple decades to ignite a movement that would push back against that lie.

I want to see that people like me (i.e. men) are as respected as women, for who we are. That's going to take time, but with the internet, it may progress faster than it did for gay people.

Also, and I am likely in a minority of one on this, but I think straight people need to join the LGBTI movement, not as allies, but for their own sake. SLGBTI. We were never supposed to be a movement only about equality. We were fundamentally about sexual freedom, and the respect for individuals to make choices about their sexuality. With the recent focus on assimilating into marriage and child-rearing (which I support, for those who want it), we've lost our roots. Our unfinished business is still right there where we started.

johnmarkley · 2014-03-13T02:11:18+00:00

It's helped me accept that the way I was treated as a child wasn't my fault, or something I somehow deserved.

rightsbot · 2014-03-12T09:12:17+00:00

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liberalmess · 2014-03-12T15:48:10+00:00

It hasn't. I've learned a lot, but that's all.

TrouserTorpedo · 2014-03-12T19:10:41+00:00

I understand a whole lot more than I used to about the world at large.

That alone is enough for me.

2014-03-12T21:06:25+00:00

I don't know if I would say that it has changed the way I live my life, but it has made me conscious of an unconscious tension I have always felt. I know why I am often dissatisfied our society's dynamics, but that doesn't make the state of things any less frustrating.

One small thing, though, is that I now know I am not alone, and that it isn't me that's broken but the world. Maybe that isn't such a small thing.

tm1087 · 2014-03-13T00:26:44+00:00

I think for the most part, little has changed on a day-to-day basis.

I wouldn't go protest (I am a university faculty member, so the costs would be especially high). I am not afraid I would lose my job, but my job would become extremely difficult and I would probably end up leaving.

But, it has made me cognizant the emotional hurt and pain caused by sexual assault on men should be discussed. In that same vein, I try my best to donate money and time to organizations like Just Detention International (JDI) that try to eliminate all sexual abuse in correctional institutions.

Additionally, it has also caused me to be frustrated by colleagues that have signs on their door like "I am an ally of LGBTQ issues." The reason is because we should value life no matter whether it is a matter of race, gender, sexual orientation.

edtastic · 2014-03-13T03:41:01+00:00

Knowing for sure that the horrible things feminists say about men in general aren't true along with the statistics and sources to back it up.

2014-03-12T12:26:29+00:00

What about you? How has the MRM positively impacted your life?

I piss the raging fuck out of militant neo-feminists just by existing. That gives me a warm fuzzy, and really is all the reason I need. The whole "oh yeah, also equal rights maybe..." is just gravy.

Title	What positive impact has your involvement with Men's Rights Advocacy had on your life?
Author	solaria_mra
Upvotes	20
Comments	35
Date	March 12, 2014 9:11 AM UTC (12 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/MensRights
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/mensrights/comments/207t76/what-positive-impact-has-your-involvement-with-/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/MensRights/what-positive-impact-has-your-involvement-with.1615325 https://theredarchive.com/post/1615325

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