Why (most) women are hypocrites when complaining about men not doing housework.

nigglereddit · 2012-08-29T09:20:31+00:00

Very interesting stuff.

My wife is away on a business trip yesterday, today and tomorrow, leaving me in charge of our house, dog and two year old daughter. Since she left, I've had about ten phone calls and conversations with family, friends and neighbours offering to help out, take care of the little one, and so on and so on.

Touching, right?

Well it is actually and I appreciate their generosity. But here's the rub: my wife being away makes absolutely no difference to my domestic routine because all the things I have to do are things I do anyway.

I get my daughter up in the morning, change and dress her and do her hair, take her to nursery, pick her up in the evening, cook our meal, sit and eat with her, bathe her, get her ready for bed, give her her milk and put her down for the night, and I get up if she wakes. I also clean the house, do all the dishes and walk the dog three times a day. In fact the only thing my wife does is wash our clothes. And yes, I have a full time job (I'm a designer).

I wonder if this might shock some people? It's been a big surprise for my neighbours, for sure. But the truth is that of all my male friends, with and without children, I don't know of a single household in which the woman does 50% of the work. In fact I'd say I don't know of one where the woman does 20% of the work.

Perhaps this inequality might bother some. But none of the guys I know complain.

Why?

Because the work is really easy.

I love looking after my daughter. We have great fun in our little routine. I don't mind doing the house because this way it gets done thoroughly and regularly without tantrums, recriminations and accusations. Taking the dog out is my extra pleasure, I get fresh air and good fun with her (she's a dalmatian) and meet the locals for a chat and some exercise.

I just wish that everyone would stop seeing housework as a terrible chore. If we live our lives trying to rush through what we see as unfair drudgery so we can get on with our lives, we miss the fact that cooking, cleaning and caring IS our lives. Looking after kids and dogs is not something we should be arguing over and trying to balance. If I try to dodge looking after my daughter, I'll just wake up in fifteen years' time, ready to play a part in her life, and realise that the changing, feeding, bathing and so on IS the part I was supposed to be playing.

rapiertwit · 2012-08-29T08:49:00+00:00

I think that women, on average, probably do more than their share of the housework in the society I live in. However, I'm skeptical of the numbers I see in studies.

First of all, I don't always see a breakdown of what the study considers housework - do they include yard work? Nonroutine home improvement? For example, I just ripped out a bathroom and completely redid it this year. All my wife did was pick out paint colors and fixtures she liked. If you count that project as "housework," then even if my wife did 70% of the routine housework, she'd take years to even back out with me. Also, when I was putting flooring down I damn near cut a fingertip off on the table saw. When you're researching the division of labor around the house, if you're just counting up raw hours, and not addressing the nature of the work being done, you lost me. Traditional "husbandly" chores involve more skill and more risk. An hour of roofing work doesn't pay the same as an hour of washing dishes in the job market, so why should they be evaluated the same at home?

Second, self-reported hours worked isn't the best way to measure work. My wife approaches housework very, very differently than I do. She putters. She puts Ella Fitzgerald on and sings along while she works. For her, it's a relaxing time. Me, I make a list of shit to do, figure out the most efficient order in which to do it and what can be multitasked simultaneously, and knock it out as fast as possible.

irishsnowday · 2012-08-29T02:48:00+00:00

[permanently deleted]

Celda · 2012-08-29T02:31:49+00:00

Very good article from feministcritics. I recommend reading it, but if not, here is a TLDR:

TLDR: Women, including feminists, are hypocrites for complaining that men do less housework than them because they actively choose / screen for men who do not want to do housework.

underskewer · 2012-08-29T11:07:01+00:00

What you’re asking for is for your post-courtship relationship to be even-steven, even though before and during courtship you were perfectly happy to enjoy the benefits of a wildly imbalanced relationship where the man took on all the risks of overt rejection, and where your standards had nothing to do with finding a man with egalitarian values. Instead you chose one who embodied the dominant, high-on-the-social-hierarchy, patriarchal values that you now chafe against.

If you ask women to go for men who are not "dominant" and "high-on-the-social-hierarchy", aren't you asking them to go for men they are not attracted to. Are women attracted to patriarchy?

Nezich · 2012-08-29T05:14:06+00:00

I somewhat disagree with this article. I agree that if the man is working more and getting paid more and bringing more to the plate, the women shouldn't complain about doing more than half of the housework. But if she works less, has more time off, gets paid less, its only fair she does more housework. This isn't really a gender issue, because the person working more and getting paid more could be either person in the relationship.

C0CKPUNCHER · 2012-08-29T07:10:07+00:00

I'd say it's more complicated, two people who earn exactly the same, can both come home and complain the other doesn't do equal housework in what they consider to be good faith. The only way to test who is right is for them to separate and see who is left most deprived of the other. But the problem there is the bigger person is likely not going to want to break the continuity for the kids, mortgage etc.

Woman says 'pick up socks', man realizes everything he does is invisible. He can leave and harm his kids, mortgage etc, or he can stay and (continue) carrying his wife.

HPeroit · 2012-08-29T05:47:46+00:00

Not a bad article, however:

...(though I’d hope it would be less than half).

Until that changes — until a very significant percentage of women embody egalitarian standards...

Iconiclastical · 2012-08-29T13:48:54+00:00

Do women help with the yardwork? How about the cars? Repairing appliances?

MsManifesto · 2012-08-29T06:05:11+00:00

So, it's those pesky traditional gender roles that are the root of the problem, after all. You don't say...

Title	Why (most) women are hypocrites when complaining about men not doing housework.
Author	Celda
Upvotes	41
Comments	26
Date	August 29, 2012 2:30 AM UTC (13 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/MensRights
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/MensRights/comments/yzy43/why_most_women_are_hypocrites_when_complaining/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/MensRights/why-most-women-are-hypocrites-when-complaining.1014761 https://theredarchive.com/post/1014761

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