(this post is about the Dark Triad, there is tl;dr at the bottom)

I have at time noticed extremely evident psychopathic tendencies within myself, that mirror almost exactly the qualifications given by Cleckley in his "Mask of Sanity", not only is this condition debilitating, it is ego-dystonic (meaning it's something I don't want to do).

The condition is somewhat like this:

I am vaguely aware of some sort of illness, disease or sickness, or unsynchronized-ness within myself that causes me to end up in the same self-defeating, self-destructive situations again and again.

Yet I am unable to point to any behavior that I do, intentionally or otherwise, that causes these situations to occur.

In other words I lack specific insight. My family members, school administration and peers are certain that I am the cause of my problems, but I am oblivious to this. I lack the ability to learn from experience.

This is really, really, annoying. It's not that I lack empathy, rather I see monumental and life-changing decisions as no more than flicking a light switch, and because of this I often do things impulsively, without thinking, that in hindsight just seem really harmful to myself and others.

This is classical psychopathy, for example just the other day I incited some sort of community division in some chat room I frequent, and subsequently leaked personal information of the owner of that room just to "see what happened", and only later realized what I actually might have done. When he confronted me I actually (cognitively, somewhat) realized the ramifications of what I did and healed the situation somewhat.

But the point is I literally keep doing shit like this and it's all shits and giggles.

I have a long list of delinquencies, run ins with administration, attempted crimes, whatever, and here's one I don't get: I keep trolling this meditation forum, for no reason. Like I literally have no dog in this fight, but I am very well versed in religious dogma. I consistently again, and again, profess beliefs that I really don't believe in at all (because I don't really believe in anything), just to split the community and cause controversy.

I fucking don't get this.

tl;dr

So my question is; since psychopathy and possibly dark triad traits (which the other two I don't seem to really suffer from) in general seem so harmful to a person and ego-dystonic. How exactly are these traits desirable to you? As a red piller that is.

If anything they seem to cause pain to the person who suffers from them, yet the person who suffers from the consequences of bearing this condition, can't seem to point to any specific thing that causes problems for him. He just lives in a haze.