On one hand dating is more cutthroat than ever before... competition is more fierce... there' an illusion of abundance... people are less likely to commit...they're feeling jaded and apathetic... you're dropped at the first hint of inadequacy or incompatibility...turned off by a trivial thing you said or did... they're swiping before the date is even over... women in public avoid eye contact, half of them are wearing earbuds anyway... we're told to put ourselves first and not settle for anything other than what we deserve which is great in theory but leads to a lot of friendly fire... I don't need to keep elaborating as I'm sure you all know the deal.

Then on the adjacent side of what I'm calling a chasm of contradiction, you have almost the complete opposite... beautiful, intelligent women dating shameless assholes, ambitionless drainers, alcoholics and druggies, aggressive hotheads, as if they're the last men on planet earth. They'll often complain about their behavior... he doesn't do any of the chores...I'm having to pay his rent and he's not even trying to get a job... he's still using even though he promised me he would stop... he's following all these insta models but he makes sure I don't follow any guys that he doesn't know... he wasn't happy with me going to a hens night but it's fine when he wants to fly to vegas for a bachelor party (these are real examples from friends) ... then when you criticize them or suggest severing ties, they will quite often become defensive and attempt to justify it.

'Those guys are obviously very good looking and have status and wealth or other qualities' of course you can get away with a whole lot more if you have these attributes but in fact many of these guys I'm thinking of as I write this are average in every regard and I certainly don't think they're some masterful manipulators, yet they've somehow manage to defy the odds and have a high quality and otherwise smart woman wrapped around their pinky.

I truly don't understand it. How and when do they cross this threshold? Is it when they become 'official'? Why didn't the red flags scare them off as usual? Are they just amazing at acting and were able to hide this side of themselves in the early months?

It can't just be 'raw confidence'...surely people aren't that easily deceived. I'm certain if I just started acting with 10 times as much confidence as usual I would be considered an arrogant prick and wouldn't get anywhere.

What's the deal?

The same scenario occurs in reverse of course but as a heterosexual man I'm usually exposed to this side of it.