I know we've all heard that "confidence," whatever the hell that means, is an extremely attractive quality in men. Well, I had some thoughts about confidence, and I wanted to see if you guys had anything to say about them.

I want to talk about "confidence." Confidence, as I understand it, is a delusion some people have. This delusion makes you, and others, feel like you are better than you are. I see a whole lot of advice out there encouraging people to embrace this delusion, and would like to take the opportunity to discourage such behavior. While I doubt anybody using the word has a consistent definition, I would like to explain why I find some version of confidence dishonest, damaging to the individual holding it, and damaging to society as a whole.

Confidence is dishonest insofar as it is an inflated perception of the self. To be fair, people sometimes define confidence as an accurate perception of the self. But anybody who does is quite certain to equivocate, and later use the word to mean a high or excessive perception of the self. Plainly, none of us believe confidence to be an accurate or honest self-assessment: if a genuinely stupid person recognized himself as such, we would not call that a high level of confidence. So "confidence" is necessarily dishonest.

To be confident is potentially damaging. Studies frequently tie "confidence" to testosterone levels, and the two to risky and self-centered behavior. It is irreconcilably tied to the teenage boy's feeling of invulnerability. This unrealistic self-assessment allows those who are confident, skilled, and very lucky to reach great heights (by some divine coincidence). But for every confident CEO, how many confident people have crashed and burned? How many have found themselves living on the streets?

While the charade will make people like you more and trust you more, their feelings are founded on a quality that should instill the opposite emotion. Serial killers and cult leaders are seen as "confident." What is a confident person, really? Self-centered, risk seeking, "invulnerable." A confident person is an asshole, save only for the fact that we like that asshole. Confidence, and our unavoidable attraction to it, causes us to avoid the sensible and cautious and pursue the self-aggrandized and unrealistic. We allow the charismatic to make stupid investments that put the world's economy at risk. And we allow our love for those assholes to drown out the people who might fix this damn world.

So do not be confident: be true.