How do we define the relationship?

OsmiumZulu · 2019-01-04T22:06:00+00:00

Ah yes. The old “waiting for God to hit me with a 2x4” meme.

It doesn’t work like that, at least not for 99/100 cases.

How do you define the relationship?

My conversation with my eventual wife looked something more or less like this:

“Hey, I’m attracted to you and see potential between the two of us. I don’t date just to date, but to learn if someone is wife material or not. I want to start being intentional about spending more time together and getting to know you better.”

She was pretty shocked I was so blunt about my intentions but at that phase of my life I was at peak abundance and if she had turned down the idea I wouldn’t have really cared and would have moved on to the next girl who piqued my interest. I was sincere in what I said, I wasn’t convinced she was wife material but believed she might be. She was intrigued enough to go with it.

We spent the next four (I think?) months dating and then, once I had vetted her to my satisfaction, we had a three month engagement.

Coming up on six years of marriage and I can honestly say I would easily chose to marry her again.

SteelSharpensSteel · 2019-01-04T21:12:10+00:00

I don't remember divine revelation being part of the gig when I decided to say "she's the one".

Call it one of the benefits of free will.

I'd probably suggest seeing other attractive Christian girls while this one figures it out.

Deep_Strength · 2019-01-05T18:24:00+00:00

This is why I HATE the 'get to know someone really well first before you ask them out' and 'friends first' type of stuff that a lot of Christians like now.

It leaves you in this weird limbo where maybe you're starting to like her and you don't know if she likes you or you find out these weird things about her where it makes you think she's not "the one" or whatever nonsense is out there nowadays.

The reason why seeing her a few times and talking and then asking her out on a date is better is that you still have a lot of mystery surrounding yourself that you can also use to your advantage too. Pulling the trigger early shows assertiveness and ambitiousness to go after what you want.

You're also not already pigeon holed into this category where a girl is a bit iffy about you so she can use some lines like 'waiting on God' and finding out some random boundaries that seem like they limit you. It's one thing to say you have the boundary of not kissing someone to marriage when you're on a date, but it's a different thing to say it to a man you're "just friends" with which tends lean toward scaring off men she doesn't find interested.

As OZ said, ask her out. If she wants to go then great. If not then great and move on.

RPCJoeMak · 2019-01-06T08:11:46+00:00

Lots of good info for you to consider.

2 basic things stand out for me:

She is not waiting for a signal from God. That’s just a lame fit test. She is waiting for a man to show up and be a man.
Decrease your supply to increase your value. No woman wants to think that you only have one option. She will despise you if she is your only option. It doesn’t mean she won’t choose you, but she will despise you until her dying day if she is your only option. Why? Because she will understand on a molecular level that she settled too low and too early. Preselection is one of the 5 Pillars of an Alpha male. And if you can’t pull more than one set of eyes then you haven’t been preselected by other women. And if other women haven’t selected you, then she won’t want to either. Preselection is as old as the Bible.

She couldn’t explain that to you in a coherent sentence. Under water-boarding she couldn’t do it. But it’s true just the same.

amvargas_77 · 2019-01-04T22:01:33+00:00

I think in your circumstance, I don’t think it’s healthy to walk around your life unsure about this. She let her family meet you during the holidays, and you went.

I would suggest evaluating the relationship first. Ask yourself if she is really the one you could see turning into a wife? What are the things you don’t like about her? Are there any red flags?

If you don’t feel peace at this stage, step back and like others have said start seeing other girls.

Best of luck!

RedPillWonder · 2019-01-04T23:37:32+00:00

The thing is, she has stated, on multiple occasions, she's waiting for God to reveal to her who she's suppose to be with and she won't even kiss anyone until that someone has been revealed.

Just ask her what she means by this and how, specifically, will she know when he's been revealed.

For example, is she waiting on thoughts and impressions upon the heart in a deep way, that she feels is from God?

Is it a sign that will manifest, and if so, what? How will she know or recognize it?

My guess is she isn't going to give you a satisfactory answer. Just some general comments about "I'll just know" or "God will reveal it in His own way" and similar expressions.

I'd also guess that while she may truly believe this, she's saying this to gauge your reaction. She may be wondering whether you're on the same page, and do you feel you're God's man for her and it will "confirm" her thoughts and beliefs about God revealing someone because here he is right in front of her, saying he feels like God has put it on his heart to pursue her, etc.

If you have a question, ask her.

If she has a question, answer her honestly and forthrightly.

Don't complicate this.

QUITxURxCRYING · 2019-01-05T03:43:04+00:00

Bruh, you want this to be something more. Say it and if she backtracks or makes excuses, move on. It’s hard, but once you do it, whether she says yay or nay, you’ll be happy you went for it.

SteakNotCake · Sat Jan 5 4:42:47 2019 UTC

"The thing is, she has stated, on multiple occasions, she's waiting for God to reveal to her who she's suppose to be with and she won't even kiss anyone until that someone has been revealed."

I've heard this a lot within my female christian friend group. I never really understood it. Did she say this early on or recently? Has she been praying and fasting for this relationship in order for God to speak to her?

I'd be direct in your next conversation with her. If you see her as a potential wife, let her know that and that you want to explore this further exclusively (if that hasn't already been discussed).

And remember God has his own timing. If you feel at peace with how things are going, hang in there. Pray and fast on your own, see if God speaks to you about the situation.

Willow-girl · 2019-01-05T13:07:36+00:00

What do you want? Pursue that, boldly. But first you have to decide what that is!

Title	How do we define the relationship?
Author	Awayhethrows1961
Upvotes	8
Comments	46
Date	January 4, 2019 9:04 PM UTC (7 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RPChristians
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RPChristians/comments/acmn6n/how_do_we_define_the_relationship/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RPChristians/how-do-we-define-the-relationship.301521 https://theredarchive.com/post/301521

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