I'm newer here to RP thinking, so tell me where I'm blue:

Early on in our marriage my wife and I establish both covert and overt contracts in regards to sex in our marriage. We both believe that it is not an optional part of marriage, which has been both blessing and source of consternation. The blessing, is that sex is always available 1-2 times a week, sometimes more. The problem comes in that while my wife is willing, over the years it became more obvious that it was, for her, more of a chore than a delight 80% of the time. And that began to take its toll on me. To be clear it's fun in the moment, but its more of a, "I'll be there after I finish folding these clothes..." kind of sex rather than, "throw the laundry on the floor." You get what I mean.

I take most of the responsibility for this, and a part I lay at the feet of 4 little rug rats that came pretty early on in our marriage. I learned at that time, talking about sex doesn't fix anything beyond a day or two, but i didn't know why. Now I understand the concept that you can't negotiate desire. I'm grateful that I ran across this community as I was becoming more and more disillusioned with the state of things.

Now I see the steps I need to take. I've been lifting hard for about 2 months straight and I'm starting to see the results. I'm eating right and headed in the right direction. That progress is coming, but I can't do much to speed it up at this point so I'm focusing on other things as well.

Which brings me to last night. I started employing keno early in the day and found my wife responding well as the day went on. She was flirting pretty aggressively in the kitchen as we got dinner together for the kids...so far so good. she gets half the kids down and I get the younger one down and straighten up a little down stairs. When I come up, my wife is watching some series on her iPad. I find this a little annoying, because I'm going to be perceived as an interruption rather than the reason she's in bed (probably blue pill here, but i'm going to own it or I'll never learn). I don't feel like competing, so I just tell her night with a happy tone and roll over to sleep.

I think she felt guilty, because she turned it off and went to take the dog out, (note the lack of genuine desire) she came back to bed without any clothes and spoons with me, I'm thinking ok, we're back in business. But after a few minutes, my suspicion seems correct. She's here naked, but is barely responsive to my touch. So, I'm thinking that she feels guilty, because she knows what I want, and she's willing, but not really into it.

At this point, I decide that neither of us are wanting what is offered, I'm not wanting obligation sex and that's all she is able to muster at this point. So I stop trying to progress things. I know I can close the deal, but I don't think either of us will get what we want out of it. This is 100% my fault, as from the beginning, I thought that access to sex was more important than the desire within it.

Oddly enough, the final result wasn't frustrating for me, I woke up well rested and happy this morning and took a walk on the beach and spent some Time in prayer before everyone got up.

This morning my wife text me to come to bed and lock the door, but I was on the beach at the time and I told her she would have to wait. Thoughts on how to break this kind of contract or things I should do differently?

41 yrs, Married, 4 kids under 11, 6'1" 285lbs. 37% body fat.