Hi ladies! It seems I’ve hit a bit of a confusing point in a recent dating experience and I’d appreciate just some advice.

I’m very old fashioned, I believe in gender roles to the max (I’m happy to cook and clean in the future for my husband, letting my man lead us, I was raised in a conservative upbringing where this was normal). I see women as nurturers and carers while men are providers and protectors. While I’m not for guys just paying for ultimately everything in a traditional relationship, I want to contribute some as well. It’s not absolute.

Some days ago I went to a date with a guy who happens to like Jordan Peterson as well, he knows I’m very old fashioned, we agree with a lot of anti-feminist stuff, differences between men and women. So I was a bit surprised when we met for the first date, just before ordering he asks me ‘how do I do things’ - pay for the date 50/50 or the guy pays. I was surprised and I just answered honestly, the guy usually pays (my past relationships it was and I always expressed my gratitude earnestly, gave or made gifts for them too once we dated more) though further dates in I usually variate and have picnics where I bring food I cooked for him/us. That’s exactly what I said. He nodded and paid. When he did I didn’t stop him, I thanked, which he mentioned later.

Hey, maybe I made too many assumptions because some of the beliefs we have in common around JBP, I totally get I could be.

To add later after that meal I came to know he’s actually (seemingly) wealthy. With the way he dressed and carried himself I had no idea and it’s not something I really think, neither care about. For me it’s what the person does with the money the earn, not the amount or job title. A good work ethic is enough as well as resilience. I’ve lived wealthy and poor, I’ve dated both, I’ve had worse experience dating someone with plenty of money because I found they obsessed about it more and was controlled by their fear losing it. I thought maybe this might be a factor as to why he asked the paying question, yet I didn’t know at the time.

The current situation is now we have another date this week and it’s another restaurant. He suggested it since he really wanted to try the cuisine (which happens to be from my birth country). Yet I’m not sure what to do, how to express it when the time comes we’re paying for the food. I didn’t expect the dilemma since we had been discussing a date at the park with pets and I was hoping for us to get coffees and I’d pay for those! Just to show I want to contribute even in a smaller way. I want to do this every now and then.

However in a restaurant, I truly do believe with something bigger like that, it’s a bit different for a guy. I don’t earn a lot though I’ve learned to be wiser in my finances and I can get most things I want and need, I pay for my girlfriends when we go dinner or it’s equal but I just see it differently with a man I want to be date, considering being with. It’s not that I can’t afford it, it’s the gesture that I could pay for myself yet he still wants to do it for me..is what touches me deeply, it’s very masculine.

I don’t know, he may even ask the paying question, maybe not. I just am not sure what to say if he does.

I wanted to initially talk about it during the meal, apologise for the first date and my answer, if that made him uncomfortable, before we ever get to the bill. Explain my cultural background and beliefs. What do you all think I should do? Say? Thank you all!