Weekly Self-Reflection Thread: 04/03/2016

fhigurethisout · 2016-04-04T06:39:12+00:00

okay. hm. trying the format for something different.

1. something good you did for your partner/friend/or family this week: i tried being supportive and upbeat while he was away, because i’m genuinely happy he gets a break from school and work. sometimes it was hard, i wanted to whine so badly about my workload and i just missed him so much. i kept that to a minimum. TLDR i tried to not be annoying.

i also cooked dinner for him and his mom when they came back, and picked them up from the airport. but "not being annoying" is way more difficult than just cooking hahaha

2. a special moment: just LAYING in bed with him with his huge arms engulfing me. i giggled and asked him to squeeze me harder. oh god i know it’s cheesy but it felt so wonderful. he was working out every day (sometimes twice a day) when he was gone and his arms were so hnnng

i think another special moment was my student telling me i’m awesome. i feel like she is too good for me to even teach, but she is very respectful and encouraging.

3. something that you aren’t very proud of: OK this is really bad. I haven't had a big screw-up like this in a while. Basically the topic of child abuse came up because my sister’s boyfriend was abused as a kid. one of the abuses didn’t sound so bad, and my partner said “oh that’s not bad” and went on about physical punishment not being a bad thing for kids. he is russian and he got the belt as a kid and said it kept him in line. (tbh now i agree with him more in some instances). of course the western-raised me protested and said i would never hit a kid (I still don’t think i ever could), and i even went as far to say “are you trolling me?”. i think i was just shocked because everyone is against this sort of thing now-a-days but it doesn't matter, i was being so disrespectful. :/

the worst part is that his mom was actually in the car, and i could tell she was visibly upset afterwards. i had NO idea that she used a belt on him in the past until he mentioned it, and i felt awful for the whole conversation occurring afterwards. she seemed understanding though, and acknowledged that it’s also a cultural thing (russian vs soft western parenting).

i apologized later, but i know i can’t undo the disrespect. i feel stupid. i don’t know why I didn’t stfu or just say something like “I disagree”. i got heated about it. later that evening i told him i respect his views on this.

and one more confession, blahhh…later on we were watching john oliver and i just blurted “do you find him annoying after a while?”. but he really loves john oliver. i felt bad. UGHH.

how can I work on changing this? i can stfu more. a hundred times more.

Actually, it isn't just about shutting up. it's about realizing that my opinions are not so important that they need to be heard all the time. i can feel when i'm getting heated/need to blurt my opinion/defend my point of view...and it never ends well. i'm not saying i should become a silent doormat, but the way i communicate my opinions comes across defensive and belittling at times!

it also means that there is an egotistical side of me that still needs to be humbled. i will definitely work on this over the course of April.

LauraXVII · 2016-04-04T09:18:57+00:00

Happy Monday ladies!!

The Good

I've started swimming every Friday and joined a dance class that meets every Wednesday. When I was with the ex I never did anything for me, so this is pretty exciting!
On a similar note I'm getting all my jabs done this week so that I can start volunteering at the local cat rescue centre. I love cats, but due to renting I can't have one, and I really miss that connection when I'm not at the family home :(
I came back from a week up at the family home, and I'd done all the tidying, vacuuming & changed the bed before I left, and by the next day everything was unpacked and put back where it belongs. This is a huuuuge contrast to how I was before when my suitcase was lying around months after I got back.
On the way back home I got stuck in a lot of traffic, it took me 7 hours to do 300miles on the motorway/highway. I didn't stress, I didn't get annoyed, I just accepted that I couldn't change it and carried on driving :)

The Bad

My computer crashed while I was gaming last night, it seemed fine afterwards but then I woke up to it saying I need to reinstall Windows. Blargh.

EDIT: Fixed my computer all by myself, without any tears or drama! =D

So while I was at home Mum kept complaining about my little sister's pile of school work that was slowly taking over the hall. She wouldn't tidy it, so when everyone else was out, I sorted through it and organised it. Mum is happy cos it's not a mess and little sister is happy cos now she can actually find things!
I got accepted for my first ever conference presentation in July, and I've just been told that I'll be graduating the day after so I'm super excited!!
I am not over my ex. I know that I will be, and that it just takes time, and that this is a good thing in the long run but my brain just seems to ignore everything that's happened the last 2 months and goes "hey, do you remember that one evening you were happy like 18 months ago?". I've started catching these thoughts and bringing my brain back to focusing on me and my self improvement but I guess I'm just annoyed that I'm not over him sooner!

Sunhappy_DC · 2016-04-04T13:44:39+00:00

1) something good you did for your partner this week (or family or friend, if you're single)

Last week, my work friend moved into a new place with her boyfriend. She foolishly moved into this new place without finding a replacement for her old place. Now she has to pay rent (north of $1600) for both apartments for April. Usually, I'm pretty "bye, Felicia" about such errors from people older than 30, but instead of being dismissive or critical, I offered her advice on how to resolve her issue and even offered to help her circulate the craigslist ad for her place. She was really appreciative of it! She still hasn't found a replacement yet, but she's much less stressed of the situation.

2) a special moment (either in your relationship or in your life)

I went on two dates this weekend with the same guy and he was really sweet. I was insanely comfortable around him (no anxiety, wow) and he meets all my standards so far, which is nice. We spent 6 hours together on Friday and Sunday literally just talking.

3) something that you aren't very proud of, but you know you can change with mindfulness

Lately, I've been working on being more selfish to stop being such a people pleaser. Lately, it's been making me feel guilty because it's uncomfortable right now. I'm not proud of the fact that my boundaries entail cutting off some people. I know i've hurt a few people in the process but I'm telling myself that right now, in the present moment, i'm at peace BECAUSE of these boundaries, and that's the only thing I should be focused on and concerned with. Not the feelz of toxic people.

littleteafox · 2016-04-04T19:05:06+00:00

1. something good you did for your partner this week (or family or friend, if you're single) I made him a super yummy dinner yesterday :)

2. a special moment (either in your relationship or in your life) Ah, I love it when he leads. He called before he was supposed to come over Friday night and told me, "Put you're shoes on! We're going exploring. I'll be waiting outside for you." And quick like a bunny I slipped on my shoes and grabbed my purse and had a fun night exploring the town with my SO. It was lovely, complete with a moonlit kiss in the middle of a field. <3

3. something that you aren't very proud of, but you know you can change with mindfulness I miss him so much when he isn't around and I (think) I get a little extra clingy when he mentioned he has to go. At this point I start to panic and think "This is the last time I'll see him until ____day" and usually try to get one last sex session in before he goes (not that he minds, lol). I texted him after he left yesterday and apologized if I came across as clingy, but he said that he liked me the way I was and that he felt the same way and he wished we could spend more time together. Which I guess means it's ok? Maybe it's just something I need to be aware of and not really change anything.. yet? I just don't want him to feel bad for having to leave me even if it is only for a few days.

PixieDelights · 2016-04-05T16:02:13+00:00

I love the change up, but after an awful week, I just can't think of anything. I have been really struggling lately with our roles around the house (him a stay at home dad, me a work from home mom). I had a great chat in IRC and things were going better, and then last week I blew up! I was a bitch, I was rude, I was accusatory, I was just all around awful. It was a train wreak that even trying to stop it, I couldn't. Now there is this ocean wide gulf between us, and it is heartbreaking.

I am fully disappointed in myself. I know better. Several wonderful ladies in IRC helped me, and it just went all out the window.

This week I am spending more time:

STFU
Clear and loving communication
Showing my husband more respect
Saying "Thank you" more for the things he does

i_have_a_semicolon · 2016-04-04T06:35:05+00:00

Yay! I get to participate this week. (not that im normally unable to, i usually just am to busy to write out something)

1. Something good you did for your partner The only thing that really comes to mind is this afternoon when we were done cleaning together, he wanted to go for a jog. Being that it was 32 degrees this morning and I don't really like to job, I didn't initially want to go, but I wanted to spend time with him. I didnt suggest a different activity. I like when he suggests activities and try to follow his lead, as following his interests helps me in ways too while also bringing us closer. So I went and it was a good time. Afterwards he thanked me for going with him, as he really wanted to do that and he wanted me to join him. So I am happy I did what my SO wanted despite not wanting to do it myself.

2. A special Moment Oh I dont really know, we have so many! This weekend I spent a lot of time with my SO. That was really nice. At some point we were both laughing histerically over something. I dont even remember what now, i just remember thinking "Wow, this is a special moment that I would love to share and remember". Ooops. Lol. Damn, memory.

We do have a lot of moments like that though, so its no surprise i cant quite remember it now.

3. Something I'm not Proud of but can Change This is a super easy one - what I'm putting in my mouth. Like,all bets went out the window when we were gifted candy and chocolate for easter. It should have all went in the trash, but instead it went in my stomach. I am going to go back to calorie counting this week, which is the best way of being mindful of what you are consuming.

Thanks for posting 3 great questions!

Bloominglotus111 · 2016-04-04T07:16:28+00:00

Hi guys :)

Something good you did for SO/family: I'm currently single but this week I baked a huge birthday cake for my Grandad's birthday. My family were very impressed and we all enjoyed eating it! It makes me happy that I was able to make something that made my Grandad feel special on his birthday. We also had a great chat along with my Grandma about the key to their 55 year marriage- which ofc echoed the sentiments here :)
A special moment: This week I hit my weight goal! I finally feel like I could wear a swim suit or bikini without wanting to hide. I'm being disciplined with my exercise and yoga and am feeling the benefits.
Something I'm not very proud of, but can change with the right mindset: I've spent the week feeling a bit up and down (I could blame the hormones but I won't...) I've been feeling lonely and very sorry for myself. I will continue to use exercise to snap myself out of it and keep focused on self improvement until I meet my Captain.

Have a great week all x

elegance_ · 2016-04-04T07:28:33+00:00

Something good you did for your partner this week (or family or friend, if you're single)

My SO has been quite stressed out because of his job. He can get in a very pensive state when that happens and needs quite a bit of 'alone time'. I tried to be less (emotionally) needy, focussing on my own interests, and more providing

A special moment (either in your relationship or in your life)

Ah, those moments when I look at him and I experience the totality of my love for him. I get exceptionally mellow and he hasn't a clue why :P

This weekend I have been good at getting along with his family. I think his parents like me

Something that you aren't very proud of, but you know you can change with mindfulness

The weather has been getting better and I've noticed that I am comparing myself more to other women (physically) ... It is rather silly.

I keep reminding myself that I am on a very personal journey towards health and beauty in looks and character, and that, if I try my best, I am constantly becoming a better person. I'd like to be more grounded ...

Littleknownfacts · 2016-04-04T09:59:07+00:00

I like this one! Having specific questions helps!

something good you did for your partner this week (or family or friend, if you're single)

My boyfriend went grocery shopping this week and bought bulk salmon and tilapia. Normally it's a two person job to divide it up and put it in the freezer, but I did it by myself while he was at work. When he got home he was so relieved that he didn't have to do it at all since that was the last day to get it in.

a special moment (either in your relationship or in your life)

Well it's not so much a special moment as it is a special month. My sister's wedding is at the end of April. I'm officiating it, and I'm excited and nervous, ahhhhh!

something that you aren't very proud of, but you know you can change with mindfulness

I'm 2-3 pounds away from my goal weight and I've been hovering there for a long time. I took a few weeks to maintain, but now I'm back to my hardcore superlow Cal diet. 110 OR GO HOME!

MsSadieDunham · 2016-04-04T15:47:10+00:00

1. Something good you did for your partner My husband likes when I get up with him and make him lunch before work because we get to talk and hang out before he goes out for the day (I work second shift so I'm home later than he is and he works a 9-5.) Typically it is something I don't mind doing but I'm pregnant now (4.5 months) and for my first trimester my main symptom was pure exhaustion so I just wasn't getting up. He understood but I know he's glad I'm back to my old self (I am too!) Today he was eating breakfast (I made) while I made his lunch and he says to me "you sure know how to take care of your man!" (He knows I appreciate comments specifically relating to my care for him) :-)

2. A special moment Friday we are going to find out if we are having a boy or a girl!!!!!!!! He has two sons from his first marriage and they both want another brother but DH wants a girl. I have no preference personally but I would like it to be a girl for his sake. Last Thursday we had our midwife come and visit and we got to hear the heartbeat together which is so cool. You could actually hear my heartbeat with the baby's which is really cool.

3. Something you aren't very proud of I said this on a post I commented on earlier in response to something /u/PhantomDream09 had said about STFU and to try and challenge yourself to only make good, appreciative, complimenting remarks to your SO. So this is my personal challenge for the week! I found the comment before he even woke up so I was able to start our week fresh. I have gotten MUCH better about nagging but it does creep up, or my being bossy, or just like irritated for no reason. I'm sure you ladies have had this happen but have you ever just been in a mood and when you try and figure out why, there's literally no reason you can think of, you're just mad? It happens to me at least twice a week and its so dumb. So I think employing the STFU method will help with all of these tendencies.

jade_cat · 2016-04-04T15:48:17+00:00

something good you did for your partner this week : I filed both our income tax return. We don't go to an accountant for this so it is a very time-consuming process, so instead of him having to file his income tax after work I did it for him so this way he could come home and completely relax. :)
a special moment : Falling asleep with hubby on the couch while listening to soft music. That is magical. :)
something that you aren't very proud of, but you know you can change with mindfulness : Hubby told me he might want to shave his beard (for various reasons such as currently having trouble shaving properly his neck with the beard in the way, etc) and I had a bad knee-jerk reaction to it. I apologized to him a few minutes later, but still, it was an unacceptable reaction from my part. I need to practice the art of STFUing more.

BONUS: GOALS FOR THE WEEK :

Stick to my meal planning. I've been slacking lately.
Build morning, evening and beauty routines. I'm a slowpoke in the morning and it takes me a while getting things started. I feel a strict morning routine could immensely help, and an evening routine will make me avoid running around like a headless chicken the morning after.

Unicorn986 · 2016-04-04T15:11:24+00:00

something good you did for your partner this week (or family or friend, if you're single)

Finally made a beef roast, it's been a while since I've made one and he specifically asked for it. Cooking a large hunk of meat currently grosses me out (the smell of beef is the only aversion I have during pregnancy). But I put on my big girl undies and did it :P

a special moment (either in your relationship or in your life) He bought me home flowers after he spent the night at a party with his school friends. So sweet. He doesn't go out all that often socially since he works pretty much constantly so I didn't begrudge him his time apart, but it sure was nice to know he thought of me that day and stopped to get flowers.

something that you aren't very proud of, but you know you can change with mindfulness This week I took the plunge and weaned my daughter. My boobs were very sore for a few days and any touching of any sort was painful. So I wasn't as enthusiastic as I should've been during sex on that first night in particular. I apologized the next day for being a boring lay, and let him know that it was just because of the sore boobs. And luckily they now feel fine.

Title	Weekly Self-Reflection Thread: 04/03/2016
Author	fhigurethisout
Upvotes	18
Comments	16
Date	April 4, 2016 5:26 AM UTC (10 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWives
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWives/comments/4d9qlu/weekly_selfreflection_thread_04032016/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWives/weekly-self-reflection-thread-04032016.210208 https://theredarchive.com/post/210208

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