1 step forward, 2 steps back.

VigilantRedRooster · 2016-12-18T19:08:36+00:00

A little more information might help. How do you start these conversations, and what happens when it goes off the rails?

Also, how does your approach compare to "Bring your Captain your problem, not your solution" in the sidebar?

justanotherusername4 · 2016-12-18T19:25:00+00:00

Transparancy is the antidote to manipulation. My bet is that if you tell him you've been noticing what he tries to do, and that it bothers you, he'll think twice next time. Maybe he won't agree with you at that moment, but he will have heard what you said. Timing and tone of voice are key, of course. You probably don't want to bring this up during an argument.

MsSadieDunham · 2016-12-19T12:51:28+00:00

It sounds like you guys have different ways of looking at things. He may not necessarily be trying to manipulate you, maybe he actually thinks his IDs or his way is the more correct way (it's hard to explain without an example.) He may not be necessarily trying to make you feel guilty or manipulate you. Perhaps you just think he is but you two are having a miscommunication.

Class_Punk · 2016-12-19T16:18:28+00:00

You could also ask him to start addressing problems more with "we" instead of "you", and tell him it would make you feel happier if he did that, like ending whatever criticism he has with, "How do we work on this?"

Using "we" reframes the problem where you are both working with each other and are more open to the transparency and vulnerability needed to solve a problem. If the other person isn't fully on board, this is going to be an uphill battle. But you can always keep reframing these arguments on your end using "we" more.

UnrefinedFacade · 2016-12-19T17:05:08+00:00

"I've noticed whenever we discuss a problem I'm having you say X. I appreciate your feedback and I know you want to help, but I've been feeling X when you phrase thing in that way. Can we discuss alternative ways for you to convey that message so my feelings arent hurt?"

What the conversations are about matters here, but unless he is insulting you I would doubt he truly means any harm. Some people/men just lack the ability to accommodate our feelz when they give advice. I've had this problem with my husband for years. He has a tendency to steam roll over my emotions and go straight to fix-it mode. We are still working on it, but if I feel he isn't really understanding my emotions I will say "I need you to let me talk for a moment" then try to rephrase my problem so it is easier for him to understand. This tactic has helped quite a bit.

Willow-girl · 2016-12-19T00:26:00+00:00

"I saw what you did there," lol.

Title	1 step forward, 2 steps back.
Author	Painterly6710
Upvotes	3
Comments	9
Date	December 18, 2016 6:00 PM UTC (9 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWomen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/5j1enn/1_step_forward_2_steps_back/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/1-step-forward-2-steps-back.86742 https://theredarchive.com/post/86742

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