About initiating

shneakypete · 2017-09-07T14:50:08+00:00

Guy here. You sound a lot like my girlfriend. She doesn't want to initiate and she doesn't want to wear lingerie. Kinda sucks but not deal breakers.

It doesn't take much to get a guy going. You don't have to full on initiate but you can drop hints. Instead of lingerie just wear cute things that make you look sexy. For example, if you have any pajama shorts that are light and REALLY short so he can see the bottom of your butt. Wear a thin t shirt with no bra. You don't have to go full blown Victoria secret, it is pretty easy to trigger a guy.

Ask him to watch a show with you and have him spoon you. Push your butt into his member and just shuffle around here and there.

When he goes into kiss you kiss him back with force and make it into a little make out session.

Basically any time he does something you like give him some positive affirmation so he will want to do it again.

hyperfemme · 2017-09-07T13:43:40+00:00

However, I would say it's been worse the 3ish years when my libido really took a nose dive. I seem to have recovered my appetite recently but the years of disinterest and rejection (on my end!) have made me thoroughly unable to be or act sexual.

Am I reading this right as you were the one doing showing disinterest and rejecting?

Also: you're not "totally weird" and yes it's something you can overcome for sure.

Shaela90 · 2017-09-07T13:29:01+00:00

Ok, so I think you might be stuck on the first level of actually being able to enjoy sex, namely your relationship with your body. How do you stand in relation to yourself? Do you feel sexy, do you like what you see in the mirror? I think most issues with initiating come from us not feeling 'sexy'. If you're not happy and proud with how you look naked ... there you go. Everybody's got different standards and also, everybody's got flaws, but even with those, everyone is able to be proud of their body and see it as sexy IF they put in the work to achieve that sexyness. From there on...the sky's your limit!

I'm HL, absolutely love sex and all my partners praised me for my skill. However, there were a few years in my early-mid 20s when I was tired, overworked, underslept and untoned. I found comfort in fast food and video games. I still somewhat liked sex, yet the thought of initiating, or wearing something sexy, or even having sex with the lights on was pretty far from my mind.

If you already work out and eat right, then practice the art of mirror selfies. Learn to pose, see what angles you look best in! Then try to recreate those poses in your everyday life with your husband around. For example, maybe you find your ass looks awesome when you bend at the hips. Well then, next time you have something to pick up, you know what to do ;). Look closely at all those instagram/pinterest models. Not one of them is perfect, they just know which angles they look best in.

Save pictures of your body looking its best and whenever you feel down, use them for a bit of motivation. A healthy dose of self praise never hurt anyone :)

If you get to the point where you really like your body, initiating will come easily. Also, initiating doesn't always have to mean you put on a full show. Sometimes, it might just mean leaving the bathroom door open when you take a shower. Or casually touching him when you're watching a show together. Or linger 2 seconds more when kissing him then giving him a certain look. Yes, all of these things are a bit uncomfortable to do for the first time, but once you`re past that, your partner will know what the bathroom door open when you shower means, so it's much easier!

If you've got any other questions, please feel free to ask!

BH40 · 2017-09-07T12:47:15+00:00

I PMed you since I'm a guy.

cartographiclimits · 2017-09-07T16:23:14+00:00

I think it's something you can overcome! It's hard to deal with and to work past but it's really good that you want to fix it.

It sounds to me from your post and comments like you're not just embarrassed by initiating, but that you're also embarrassed about having sex and being sexual at all. Does that sound somewhat accurate? I could be interpreting you wrong, but it sounds to me like you have some hang ups about sex and shame.

My piece of advice about that is to try to become more comfortable with the idea of sex in general. Do you read erotica? Watch porn? How often do you think about sex? I would suggest that you try to spend more time thinking about sex, and trying to gain more experience and knowledge about sex. I know it sounds ridiculous, but I strongly recommend that you read some good smut if you don't already! Not to copy what happens or anything (it's not exactly realistic), but just in order to get yourself turned on and thinking about sex more as a thing that you can do. Watch sexy movies. Read sexy books. Think about what you like and don't like about them. Try to accept yourself as a person who has sexual feeling and desires.

Right now I think your problem is that you're too much in your own head and you're getting stage fright. You're thinking about sex like a performance, and you feel weird and stupid in the role of "sexy lady," like your own sexuality is just a part you're playing. I think you should try to get out of your own head and get turned on and see how that makes you feel. Do some work and put some time into becoming more comfortable thinking and talking about sex in general.

Also, try to be a little like a teenager. Make out with your husband. Not as a prelude to sex, just make out. I assume you still kiss him, right? Do you like kissing him? Go up to him and kiss him, and then keep kissing him, get some tongue going. You can stop and pull away after a while if you don't want to have sex right then. But just get used to being near him and enjoying how he makes you feel.

Anyways, just a few ideas that have worked for me in the past. Good luck!

OwnedAndLoveIt · 2017-09-07T21:10:02+00:00

The only way to do it is to do it. You'll get over it, be playful, be serious, be sexy or silly. Just TRY. You often find you are never in the mood or comfortable until it actually starts feeling good. Let yourself go and show your affection and feminine side.

suddenlystevie · 2017-09-07T21:29:33+00:00

Instead of wearing stereotypical "lingerie", have you thought of just buying a really comfy, yet nice camisole and undies. Preferably bamboo for ultimate softness. Going to the itchy, scratchy lingerie section is off putting at the best of times. I'm thinking something like this, not overtly "sexy" but still quite nice.

nawinter77 · 2017-09-08T05:26:38+00:00

Maybe talk about it with him. I don't know, but telling him that you'd like to be more intimate after 3+ years of rejection, might be a really big ego boost. Share your fears & insecurities with him: make yourself vulnerable in that way.

The act of opening up to him & asking him to take control of initiating intimacy might make you feel sexy in the end.

If you are uncomfortable with the way your body looks, maybe you and your husband could start exercising together 2-3 times a week.

One thing that makes me feel sexually desirable, without having to worry about how my body looks is using a nice body wash / lotion combination. Smelling sexy and wanting to have sex is like 95% of the way there for many guys :)

An inexpensive body wash that I think smells ahmazing, is that Dial with "Miracle Oil," my husband really loves the way it smells.

loneliness-inc · 2017-09-08T15:32:37+00:00

but the years of disinterest and rejection (on my end!) have made me thoroughly unable to be or act sexual.

This is the thought process you need to discard yesterday. It's extremely harmful and will cost you your marriage if you don't change it.

Look, I get it. You fear coming across as silly and more than that, you fear his rejection. Here are some points to consider. Hopefully they'll help you.

Focus your efforts during times when he needs intimacy the most. For many men these would be when he comes home from work, when he goes to sleep, when he wakes up and when he checks his phone in middle of work.

When he comes home, be ready and waiting for him. Greet him outside if possible. Look and smell pleasant. Once inside, give him a full body hug and a longer kiss that expresses desire. Grab his butt and pull his crotch into yours. Tell him how happy you are to see him. Maybe even grab his penis and comment on how he seems to be excited to see you as well. All this should take between 2-4 minutes. Not too long and not too brief. You should offer him something like tea, coffee and the like and help him settle down and relax. Then give him space until supper is ready. He should walk away from that with a boner every single time.

When he goes to sleep, go to bed with him. If you aren't ready for sleeping, spend half an hour in bed with him and then go back to what you're doing. Snuggle up to him. Get close and personal. Be receptive to his advances. Have sex if the spark ignites. Enjoy the closeness if it doesn't.

If you wake up before him, wake him up with a BJ. Otherwise, repeat what you did at night.

In middle of the day, send flirty texts expressing your desire for him. Or send him texts expressing your appreciation for his contribution to the family. Even if you work too, express your appreciation for his contribution. It's akin to him telling you how beautiful you are even though he may be good looking himself.

He may be hesitant at first. He may be cautious. He may have a hard time believing this is real. But if you stick to it, it will work.

Title	About initiating
Author	Cyndi_LARPer
Upvotes	18
Comments	20
Date	September 7, 2017 12:24 PM UTC (8 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWomen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/6ymv4l/about_initiating/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/about-initiating.73386 https://theredarchive.com/post/73386

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