Hello,

I am engaged to be married next may to my boyfriend of 9 years.We live together for 4 years and he is the love of my life. I noticed a change in behavior (mood swings), secrecy and him hiding his phone for a month or two.

I had a chance and snooped, I dont usually do stuff like that but he was acting supper suspicious.

I checked his phone and it turned out he has been gambling on sports bets. One day he had gambled 80% of his salary! And on some days he had more than 10 bets placed!We obviously had a fight and he promised that he would not gamble for 2 weaks and he will only gamble with the money already in his account.

He lasted 13 days and his friends turned out that all gamble and one of them is successful (if that is the word) and he has bought a fancy car for himself. He has been bugging my fiance with "secure bets" , lol winning so much, etc.

When I found out that he didn't keep his promises I set ground rules that this was a deal breaker for me and if he wanted to be with me he needed to give up on gambling.

He agreed initially and was applogetic but after returning home after work he was all worked up and grumpy. He said that I was controlling, he had tactics and a plan to beat the system and I didn't trust him. (Also obv some mean stuff)I understand that he is upset and I understand that it is disappointing that your fiance does not support you but I have zero patience for serious addiction because I have seen it firsthand. I just know that I cannot handle the heartbreak. After he got mean to me I packed a bag, got the dog and went to my parents house. That is the 1st time I have done that.

My question is:

Do you have any general advice? He himself does not see gambling as a problem so him quitting would be 100% something he does just to please me so he will hold a gridge against me for partypooping

How do I build trust after this?

I love him a lot but I need to be firm before we get married. I earn 4/5 times more than him so I cant accept marriage with a guy who will waste money like that. I also think that our financial inequality is part of the issue.

Thanks